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Tidy Husband

Clean Bathroom = Happy Wife

JIM_1559
April 21, 2013

An Afternoon with LLoyd

This is a story about a man named Lloyd.

The day started out well enough: The Dog and I got up, made coffee had breakfast all while BW slept snoring away in the other room. It was quiet and after a while even the dog went back to bed and I had the whole house to myself. Nice and quiet.

And then, I heard it: The jingling sound of the dog’s collar as she shakes herself awake, which means : BW is awake too. After a good morning grunt from BW and I delivered her coffee (she’s got a good thing going with the coffee delivery thing ) the coffee started to kick in and then I heard it: “Let’s do something fun today”

This statement, I have learned  means three things:

  1. I am gardening
  2. It will usually involve the dog 
  3. It will more than likely involve food

In this particular instance, numbers two and three applied: I present to you,

Exhibit A:

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Exhibit B:

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Now, under normal circumstances I would be okay for going out to a park on a  nice sunny sunday. But this particular day, despite the sun it’s still a tad chilly to be going outside when there’s a nice warm cup of coffee inside and I can bask in the glow of  the computer screen. But my input fell on deaf ears and before you knew it I was holding a dog in one hand and a burrito in the other.

This brings me back to this Lloyd fellow. I blame him. I could have probably persuaded BW to something warmer like the art gallery or even a Sunday drive but nope. If Lloyd is in town, we’re going to visit and there’s not much I can do to persuade her otherwise  so I might as well just play along..

Also, BW said I could have a Coke.

So, despite my attempt to give away the dog to a very nice lady who stopped to pet her while BW was placing the taco order I ended up having a nice time and as the saying goes: Happy wife = Happy Life.  Bonus points if you buy her Tacos.

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ps: don’t tell BW I had a good time. She’ll make me do it again.

JIM_0684
April 6, 2013

I’ve Got Some ‘Splaining To Do.

JIM_0684

Hey, Hi.

I guess I should explain where I’ve been, but first – like the new look? I think it looks petty snazzy and I knew when I saw it I had to have it. It cost me $20.00 (don’t tell BW) but I think it’s worth it.

Back to where I’ve been:

Remember when last time I noted that I got a job? Well, we don’t have to worry about that anymore. I’m not the car salesman type it seems. Hey, I tried.
Moving on..this gives me more time to blog! I found working 50 plus hours a week really cut into your leisure time. :)

But now that I’m un/underemployed once again that doesn’t mean it’s a life of leisure around here, no sirree. BW has me busy busy busy.. today for instance, she had me out in the garden:

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You’ll also note the fuzzy helper to my left in the photo above. You’ll also note the lack of  work by BW.  (she was the official photographer).

Like most tasks, BW gets the idea and somehow ropes me in to actually completing said task (deck painting anyone? – or maybe leaf raking). Anyway, we know how this pans out – I’m slugging bags of rocks and she’s playing ball with a fuzzy carrot eater:

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BW has decided thedog eats carrots.

Now, this would  not be such a bad thing if she fed the dog the carrots, but like the gardening.. she’s the brains and apparently I am the brawn and that includes feeding the dog, snacks included.

At least the dog won’t go blind.

Spring has sprung

Now, the good news! It’s spring!  It wasn’t a real good winter for us. I mean heck, I got a job (well, had) and BW scared the beegeebers out of me when she wouldn’t wake up for days after bonking her head.

So we’re real happy to be able to go outside together (even if I get roped into the heavy lifting) with some sunshine and warmer climes. And we are ready:

We have fruit:

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and daffodils:

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And lastly: lots of iced tea (BW’s latest vice)

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We were at the grocery store today and I saw these drink dispensers on display and thought to myself: why would anybody need that?. I then went to find BW and guess what was in the cart? You guessed it.

We now have gallons of iced tea if anybody wants to stop by.

Speaking of not being around..

Guess who’s going to be alone home with the dog all summer? (along with 72 frozen pizzas). Yup, me. BW has booked a plane ticket to go to Paraguay this summer for six weeks. Me? I’m here with the fuzzy one and a job jar which so far has me painting and shampooing carpets and I’m sure other tasks. I’d go with, but it’s a work thing but also in Paraguay it’s winter in July.

Have a nice trip BW. The fuzzy one and I will be sunbathing on our freshly painted deck. Bring a sweater.

JIM_0679

 

Love, Tidy Husband and (man’s best) friend.

xoxo

 

 

 

JIM_0582
January 30, 2013

Don’t Bonk Your Head

Get a cup of tea and a comfortable chair because this will be the ultimate catching up post for January 2013. I hope I can get back to more regular posting schedule for Feb.  There’s so much to share I really don’t know where to start.. but here goes:

A Whopper of a Headache

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If you recall, I last left you sharing that our new activity for BW and I was ice skating lessons. And although we were off to a rocky start we were getting the hang of it until a few weeks ago now where BW fell on the ice, and first fell on her back but then bonked her head on the way down. Ouch, right?

BW got up, practiced her, um, french, shook off the fall and then we continued our lesson. After the lesson we went out for breakfast at our favorite breakfast spot and BW went and got her hair done as we were to go to a wedding later that night. We went to the wedding, where I impressed all the young ladies* with my spectacular dancing skills, but BW fought them off and took me home. Save for the fall on the ice, a very nice Saturday. Or so we thought.

* by impressed, I mean they were laughing so hard they could barely stand up. Also, I bought a new suit. For those that are in the market for a new suit – 3 buttons and pleats are now out . Who knew?

Then, 4am arrived. And I am greeted by most favorite thing in the world. A rude awakening by BW. First I feel the whap! of her slapping me and then she says she has a headache. I get her some tylenol and hope I can get to sleep again before I get walloped again but to no avail. BW’s head still hurts. I offer to take her to emergency. She agrees.  We toss on our most attractive fleece we can find and venture out in the world where we learn that 4am is a pretty good time to go to the emergency room, if you don’t like lineups. ]

The triage is the usual, DOB, blood pressure, temperature etc and then because BW is complaining that both her head and her neck hurt they toss a neck brace on her until they can be sure. Folks, BW was not pleased with the neck brace. Ever see a cat (or dog) go to the vet and they get one of those funnel thingies around their neck to prevent them from licking their wounds? Poor BW, that’s what she looked like. I would  love to have a photo of BW in a neck brace to put on the internet but I had other concerns and also I kind of  like living indoors.

The cat scans are done, the MRI’s taken and BW gets sent home with the diagnosis of whiplash. I call my mother in law at 6am to update her with the news, take BW home and put her back to bed. The Doc says that this is all muscular and will take a bit of time but she’s all good. I pickup a few prescriptions to help ease the pain.

I tell BW her skating career is over. She did not take this news well. I don’t get much of say around these parts but every once and a while I get a shot and seeing as how I became the caregiver (more on that  in a moment) I get say what’s what.

Like Hell It’s Whiplash

Sunday am, we come home from the emergency room. and I toss BW back in bed. BW does not move all day, and more importantly sleeps all day. Well, she bonked her head pretty good so it’s to be expected I supposed. But then Monday comes along, and then Tuesday and still no real change. BW sleeps all the time. She maybe would wake up looking for a cup of tea and more meds, but all I did was bring her down to the couch during the day, and then put her back to bed in the evening. They gave her a painkiller which seemed to work OK, or at least it helped but goodness me did this make her loopy. She had no idea where she was or what was going on and at one point she even forgot my name. Scary stuff.

So after talking with her folks and family,  if there was zero improvement by Tuesday I would get her to her family doctor and see what the hell was going on. This was no whiplash.  I called her doctor, and got the secretary to get an appointment later in the day. The doctor was booked, but the nurse practitioner was there and that would be good enough. The appointment was at one, and of course seeing that BW was the last to drive the car there was no gas in it whatsoever. (it’s like she’s afraid of the gas station) so I hop in the car to buzz up to the corner station for a fill.

The car has other ideas.  It won’t start. We had electrical problems with it earlier this fall and had a new battery installed but it all does not matter now because this thing will not start. Great. I have a wife in a coma-like condition, a car that’s dead. I’m in the middle of the suburbs and her doctor is so close to the Canadian border you can see the Canadian flags from the window. So, I do what everybody else does in a situation like this: I call a neighbour.

I also call the mechanic and explain our situation. One of the benefits of having a local neighbourhood mechanic as your mechanic of choice is that they’re real people. I explained that BW was sick and I needed a car real quick, and he sent two guys over to pick it up and get it looked at. We think it’s a relay for the fan that was sticking but more on that in a minute. He switched the

Thankfully our neighbour was available and after talking to her she agreed to get us to the Dr’s on time. She pulled up to pick us up and BW could not have looked any worse if she tried. She was groggy, and in pain and I think it was days since any shower happened. (hey, she was sick) and when our neighbour C saw the sad state that BW was in, she was happy to help. We get to the Doctor’s office and the nurse practitioner pretty much takes one look at her and offers up a diagnosis: Post Concussion Syndrome. 

So much for whiplash. The laymans explanation is that BW screwed up her brain pretty bad. All the electrics up there are wonky. We get wheeled directly form the Doctors office to the hospital next door where we are admitted into the emergency department of this different hospital where more x-rays and scans are taken and the diagnosis is confirmed: Post Concussion Syndrome it is.  BW is fine, but her brain is a little wonky and we get sent home with being told that she should be fine but we should make an appointment with a neurosurgeon just to be sure. Scary stuff indeed.

I call our neighbour C who gladly comes to the hospital and picks us up and we get BW back on the couch where she’s still asleep and still in pain. While at the hospital they did give her some meds to ease the headache and she perked right up and looked like almost a different person when she went in there, but after a few hours the drugs wore off and BW was back to where she was before: In pain and asleep a lot. Speaking of drugs, the painkillers they gave her for the whiplash made her really really loopy and considering that she didn’t even know my name I got worried. Heck, I would sneak up close to her to be sure she was still breathing, she slept so much. Tuesday am, I decided until we get to see a doctor  there’s no more loopy painkillers – she will need to talk to the doctor and she can’t do that on these drugs I thought.  Besides,  I clean bathrooms well, I am not  a Doctor or do I play one  on TV. In the meantime, BW can take ibuprofen.

Well, let me tell you, BW was not very happy at all with my choice of medications  and she made sure everybody in the hospital  knew that I stopped giving her the meds. (she only missed one dose, BTW. I just skipped the am dose) and she complained and complained and complained to anybody that would listen. Oh well, at least she was complaining and that’s a good thing.

Do you ever see somebody and think, wow, they look an awful lot like somebody I know? This was the case with us at hospital number 2. The male nurse was a spitting image of my Dad. (Hi Dad!) This guy had the pony tail, the jokes, everything. It was scary how much  they looked alike.

Wednesday rolls around and I have another problem: No car and no groceries. You see, we usually shop early in the week  - usually Mondays but with BW being on the couch not moving for days and the car in the shop, grocery shopping became a secondary issue, but man can not live on animal crackers alone (I tried) so I had to call a co-worker of BW’s and ask if she could take me to the hospital to pick up the CD of her cat scan for her neurosurgeon appointment on Friday, take me grocery shopping and also: BW would like a frosty (of all things) from Wendy’s and could we stop there too? M was a lifesaver.

Thursday rolls around and by this time I have spoken to my mother in law far too many times than a new husband should have to in a week and it’s decided that the visit that was to supposed to happen that weekend would be cancelled or postponed. BW is in no shape for guests. But, things are looking up a bit by then and BW is starting to tell me what to do again and this is a good sign. Her bouts of bossiness are short lived though and more often than naught she’s on the couch still with her eyes closed. But things are on the mend if ever so slightly.  She still has a headache and can barely stand but in one of her remission periods she does what every sick person does the moment she’s better: BW showers and then checks facebook.

TGIF

To end off the week, we have an appointment at the neurosurgeon. We were lucky to only have a wait of a few days as there was a cancellation. BW is well, better a bit, but far far from herself by this time. We have to impose on our friend, M, again to drive across town to pick us up, and then schlep us to the neuro office which is halfway across town, wait for us and then drive us back. Oh, also she had to drop BW off back home so she could go to bed and then drive me back to the drugstore to pick up more prescriptions. M, if you’re reading this we can’t be more thankful. The diagnosis is still the same as Post Concussion Syndrome but BW gets some new prescriptions and gets her toes tickled  and a balance test. Doc says she will be fine but not sure how long all this will take – it could be weeks or even months before BW is back in full swing.

When we get home, I walk over to the mechanic’s where I pick up our repaired car: the problem he thinks was a stuck relay for the heater fan so he replaced it, and the total cost for the repair was twenty dollars. See? It told you he was a great mechanic.

A Job Offer

With all of this stuff going on with BW it would only make sense that I would complicate things and make things a bit more crazy around here by going and getting a job. I got the call on Thursday, and went in Saturday to get officially offered the job. Folks, yours truly is now an automotive car salesperson for Lia Honda in Williamsville, NY.  For reasons I don’t really know, I thought my next career should be car sales. Why? Because the hours are weird, you work a lot and you can make a lot of money. Seeing as how my current income source is drying up faster than you can shake a stick at I needed to do something so a few Saturdays ago now I had interview number 1. The next Monday I had interview number 2, and the Friday was Interview number 3.   A week for them to check my references, etc and I got offered the job on the Saturday, and I am to start the Monday.  It’s a new adventure indeed, and now that I have got a week or so under my belt I am realizing it’s a lot of fun. I havent’ been let loose on the general public yet, but I’ve become really good at shuttling new cars to and fro and I’ve completed a weeks worth of Honda training and am now on Week 2. I’m having a blast so far, and the best part is that BW is so proud of me. :)  I told her I would get a job in the new year, and 7 days later I had my first interview and 2 weeks later I started on Day 1. I really lucked out with both the make of the car, but also the dealership too. This is a top notch dealer where customer satisfaction trumps all. If you’re in the market for a Honda, new or used – you know who to call.  

Sunday

I really hadn’t planned on this being a chronological diary of events, but it looks like this is the way things are going to work.  Sunday rolls around, and BW presents me with another ailment: Remember how on Thursday she showered and surfed facebook? Well, it seems she got water in her ear (the neuro doc noted it when were there Friday) and by Sunday BW is in extreme pain. No problem right? We just need to take her to the local clinic so they can clean out the stuff in her ear.  This would go a lot smoother if the car would start. Here we are, a week to the day since this fun started and I have a sick(er) wife, and still no car will start.

So, once again I call our neighbour C, who by now (like every other friend we have) is probably sick to death of me calling to ask favors, and I ask for a ride to the clinic. C decides it would be much easier to just loan me her car to take BW to the clinic and we do that. Folks, this is the first easy thing we do this week. We get in, they fix BW’s ear with what looks to be a glorified squirt bottle and I have the car returned in under an hour.

Now, about the car: It won’t start. I have a new job starting in the morning. I can’t be late or bail on my first day. So I call my friend Gord in Canada and he comes to have a look at the car, because that’s what good friends do. He shows up and we get it boosted and it seems to work, but still . I need a car I can be sure will start and so far this thing has let me down, so I get a ride to the airport and rent a car.  We had to get  a car at the airport because, being that it’s Sunday , all the rental offices are closed but one.  A bit inconvenient, but it works, and I have a reliable car to get me to work. It’s a good thing too because day 1 at the new job was super cold with temperatures of 5 degrees F. Not good weather for cars that may or not start.

The bad news is that BW actually went backwards a bit when it came to recovery. I think she started to do too much too fast and her little head couldn’t keep up. When my friends showed up to help me with  the car they said that she wasn’t the BW we all know and love. BW was  still pretty loopy a week later.

New Job, New Car

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We had been planning on a new set of wheels later this spring, but with all the excitement of the week before we realized we need one reliable car to get us around. If  somebody has to drive somebody to work because the ten year old car is acting up, we now have a game plan. So the very first thing I did when I got to my new job first thing Monday morning was to start to arrange the purchase of a 2013 Honda CR-V. They didn’t take me seriously at first and but after explaining our adventures and it’s costing us $50 a day to get me there, they realized I really did need to buy a car ASAP. By this time, BW was on the mend (Monday was much better than Sunday) so I picked the color and had them call BW for the financing/money cause, well, she’s in charge. I just work here. :)

We knew we wanted a small SUV and the Honda is a great brand and is a good size for our stuff and the dog can go in the back where dogs are supposed to go and not on the back seats where they fuzz up the seat beyond recognition and use by any human that wants to leave the car not looking like a furball.

One thing that’s kind of funny is that neither of us test drove the car. I was shown the car, and offered a test drive but all I did was peek inside to confirm the interior color and count the speakers in it and I was good. BW didn’t see it until she picked it up. We opted for Polished Metal with Gray Interior. It’s got AWD, a moonroof, and whole bunch of features: bluetooth, etc. We picked up the car on Friday, only to get a call Sat am that they forgot the registration for the car at the dealer so we ended up buzzing around town in the old car on the weekend while the new one sat in the garage.

I’d love to tell you how the car drives but  I don’t know. I’ve driven other CR-V’s around at the new place of employment, but I’ve never been inside the honda that’s in our garage. This is BW’s car. I get the ten year old wonder where you get to play ‘will it start?” roulette every morning. Apparently, it’s a nice car. :)

On the job front, the first week is all online training and while not as bad as it was explained it was, this week of training I am on now is much more hands on, and more involved. There’s still lots to learn and I’ve got many many mistake to make but I come home every night with a great story and a smile, which is much better than money, actually. (BW might disagree)

Monday worked out OK in the end and thanks to the rental car I managed to get to work on time,  and J, D, and  Z came to visit BW while I was on the first day of the job and it worked out great as they were able to check up on her and also feed her lasagna. They had called a few days prior and I told them I was feeding BW frozen pizza and apparently this was unacceptable. When the family cook gets sick, you get frozen pizza and tea.

To summarize, we’ve had a doozy of a past few weeks, and there’s a few takeaways from this too:

1. Healthy = Happy. Forget car worries, money worries, you have to give the dog a bath – whatever. It all comes second to health. We’re lucky to have each other. Being sick and alone is the worst.

2. We could not have survived this past few weeks without the help and support of friends and family. I’ve never said ‘thank you’ more than in the past few weeks. You know who you are.

3. Our skating career is over. We’re sticking to more comfortable sports from now on, like couch surfing. The fall from the couch is much softer, and safer too.

Lastly, and just quickie:  Now that our skating career is over – we have picked up a new hobby: baking. I make awesome banana bread. :)

JIM_0578

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

is it dinnertime yet?
January 1, 2013

Best Of Tidy Husband. 2012 Edition.

Well, I guess it’s time to wrap up 2012 and  I think there’s no better time to look back at some of  the funnier/better events that took place here. We spent a few minutes picking out our ‘best of 2012′ on new year’s eve (Yeah, we’re losers. Also we were in bed before midnight) and so without further delay I present to you our best of:

ps: click the titles to read the stories.

 

BW with Box on Head

This definitely is the number 1 and we still get a laugh every time with this one:

box4

 

box1

 

box2

 

 

The Dog Got a Little Fat

 

It’s 5 am. I don’t measure so well and guess on the high side. The dog doesn’t seem to mind, but her figure is  a little more wobbly.

fatdog

 

 

 

She’s a horrible leaf raker

Leaf Blower

The dog had fun though..

 

 

Green Card Day

 

I’m a resident of the USA after a whole lotta paperwork

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 I told you she was smart

 

The New York Times thinks so too.

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Nothing Like a Drive To the Poconos

 

When your wife doesn’t read the small print

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I’m being watched. All. The. Time

 

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Honey, I’m Home. And I Feel Fine.

 

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We grew a garden. Yes, we did

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and last but not least, the one and only thing I need to learn from our adventures this past year and that is:

 

Rule Number 1

 

Do not, under any circumstances volunteer to paint when your wife goes away. Husbands worldwide: heed my advice.

can

There’s many more, but these are a few of our favorites from the year gone by (not even, I didn’t start this until May) and just look at all the fun we’ve had.

Thanks to all four of our faithful  readers. We have had too much fun with this silly little blog and I’ve laughed and typed on more than one occasion and usually at my wife’s expense.

We had a whole whack of fun this year and we can’t wait to see what the new year holds. It’s going to be really hard to beat putting a cardboard box on your wife’s head and then photographing it and putting it on the internet, but I’ll try to do my best this coming  year.

Happy New Year!

BW and Tidy Husband.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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December 30, 2012

Stars on Ice

” You should take me skating again”, she said.

I took BW skating once when we were courting in Canada, and despite the stereotypes that the Canucks I hang around with live in their ice skates and should be able to skate circles around everyone, simply isn’t true. Save for 20 minutes it took to woo BW on ice, I haven’t been on skates for decades and by the look  of BW’s skills on ice – about the same for her.

So what do we do? Sign up for skating lessons. 

The best part?  we’re the oldest student by, oh….about 40+ years.  Every other student there could not even tie their own skates and is probably in bed by 8 (not that we’re much different there) but here we were out on the ice with about 50 or so other four year olds. I can’t emphasize this  part enough: We were the only students not wearing a snowsuit. 

Pro Skating Here We Come. 

I figure we’ll turn pro in no time, I mean just look at this form (see, I wasn’t kidding about the snow suits)

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We already have earned our first ‘badge’ and are well on our way to our second.. we learned to stop, turn, ‘the swizzle’ and to skate backwards.  I have better luck with the backwards and BW does much better with the forward motion yet the braking is still a challenge, badge or no badge.

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BW is having a blast with the lessons, and when she’s  out there gliding gracefully away, she thinks her form is more like this:

Festa On Ice 2008 / Figure Skating Queen YUNA KIM

Photo Credit

Where the reality is a tad more wobbly:

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The Last Laugh

I shouldn’t laugh too hard at BW because while out there on the ice I found out that it is hard. Hard on your  butt. One minute you’re gliding along and the next you’re  a flurry of arms and legs and your rear end finds the ice in a hurry. That’s what happened to yours truly.

“Are you OK? is what I hear from BW, and I reply that yes, nothing a bit of advil can’t fix but as I start to get up I hear a voice: “Do you need help?” It’s Mark, one of  my classmates, and all four years and three feet of his snowsuit wrapped frame is offering to show me how to get up after you fall. Before I can brush off myself and my friend from the tips, he’s down showing me how to get up off the ice.

So what did I do? I paid attention. This little guy knows his stuff and can skate circles around me.

So that’s what we’re up to the next 8 or so Saturday mornings – falling and gliding along on the ice for an hour.

I just hope that one day we can skate as good as my new buddy Mark.

 

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JIM_0569
December 24, 2012

The Night Before

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T’was the night before christmas

and all through the house

BW was snoozing,

and not like a mouse

 

 

She sounds like a freight train

under blankets and sheets

with visions of taco trucks

and more sinful treats

 

But a wife cannot sleep

til a quarter past three

It’s christmas, you know?

She’s to spend it. With me.

 

I  then drove her shopping

and a bit crazy too

We bought a dog bed

for a fuzzy-you-know-who.

 

And now I’m aware

how the pecking order goes

The dog comes in first

But for me, well, who knows?

 

All I can hope for

is some socks

and some sweets

And maybe some slippers

to put on my feet

 

As the day turns to night

and the christmas tree glows

I’ll take just a moment

and forget all my woes

 

Its’ not sweaters or dog beds

that make this day fun.

It’s just better with two

On our christmas number one.

 

JIM_0542
December 22, 2012

Larger Than Life

BW hates these kind of posts where they’re just updates of my personal life and what’s going on instead of professing my everlasting love for her. So let’s get that out  of the way first:

BW –  You are the Queen

Good, now that we’ve got that out of the way, what do you think of the new look? I had looked at this theme for sometime, but didn’t want to pull the trigger because the whole system to get this look costs about 80 bucks. and seeing how things are tight here and we’ve already cancelled our cable,  coughing up close to a hundred bucks on a redesign didnt’ seem like money well spent. But, I get junk mail all the time and I subscribe to lots of stuff  and one of the emails talked about me signing into my control panel, and this got me thinking: If I have a control panel, I have already bought the software, so sure enough I logged in and ta-da! I’d already paid for it prior. Free software, and small victories.

I change the look on this thing a lot, so who knows how long this will last, but I like the little area at the top where I can  quickly type the latest pearl of wisdom BW spouts. Anyway, new year soon, so new look..

 

Speaking of New Years and New Looks..

I’ve been here almost a year in the USA and I’ve got from walking everywhere my little legs would take me to, well, not. Add to the fact I married a woman with the love of the oil and my love of this:

 

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And you total it up and you get about ten more pounds  of me than before.

You see, there was a time before we got married , and there was some concern about fitting into tuxes and wedding dresses that we used to run every daybut that seems to have fallen by the wayside for various reasons, but mostly because my running partner has gone on strike.

I’ve tried to cajole BW into going out with me, but no go. I then suggested a gym, but no go either. There’s one nearby and yes it costs money, but it costs about the same as a pound or two of bacon per month, and a gym membership is much healthier  (assuming you actually use it) .

So, being that  I’m a few days away from my 1 year anniversary from arriving to the land of large(r) – including me if I don’t do something about this, so I am putting this out there that in a few days time starting the day  of my anniversary I’m off and running again. The gym costs money and but lacing up your shoes and going out the door is free. As BW likes to remind me “You know where the door is”… A lot has happend in the last year and all of it good, but getting fatter wasn’t in the cards.

Speaking of Cards…

There’s still one more mail day to go, but look at all these cards.  And not one from a lawyer or realtor either. These are real cards from real people we, like, know – you know?

I guess this is the old school christmas version of the facebook ‘like’. It’s new territory for me to be sure. But then again, so is this 

Also, we get photos of kids and even cats in these too, which is pretty neat. No money though.  (there’s always next year folks).

 

JIM_0543

 

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have some cookies to eat.

PS.  I think it might be a good idea for someone else in the family  to go running too.

JIM_0535
December 17, 2012

Home Alone

Hi. I’m writing today about a recurring pattern in our household that involves me being left alone at home with this:

JIM_0537

Also, this:

JIM_0535

and lastly, this:

JIM_0539

This combination of fine dining, furry friends and fun chores was what awaited me this last Friday nigh while BW was out galavanting in the name of professional development. But you see, I know better – she just didn’t want to vacuum.

You see, BW left the furry homestead so she could attend a conference in Toronto for the evening, and for one night, the fuzzy one and I can deal with home alone.(it can be refreshingly quiet) and catching up on some cleaning and honing my culinary skills.

But I was not prepared for this: BW tells me tonight she’s going away for:

A few days in January 

She’s got some research to do in NYC, so while we’re out walking in the rain and eating out of cardboard, she’ll be seeing how many NYC restaurants she can eat at in a few days. But, we can live the dog and I. We’ll just make sure there’s 3 or so pizzas. This, isn’t really the problem. BW then informs me  there’s a good possibility she’s going to go away again this summer:

For six weeks in Brazil!

“More, research for my second book, yada yada yada..”. Now, there are some husbands that would be all “Bye Honey, have a good time!, but I actually you know, like having my wife around.  The way I figure it, I got married to spend time with my wife.. NOT JUST HER DOG. Especially in the summertime when there’s fun to be had.

Oh well, I guess I can live six weeks without BW, it’s not like after she’s finished up in Brazil she ‘s going to spend..

Another month in Paraguay!

Because if one exotic (to me anyway) country isn’t enough, there’s more information to be had in Paraguay for the book, and seeing how Brazil is closer than here it makes no sense that she come back, she might as well keep roollling along.

sigh. All in the name of career advancement, yes?

I guess that means that the dog and I better start stocking up.  The way I see it we’ll need..

  • 70 Frozen Pizzas
  • 140 Peanut Butter Sandwiches
  • 420 Pots of Coffee
  • 70 Bowls of Cheerios
  • 140 Bowls of Dog Food

And we should be fine. I hope she’ll send us a postcard.

Also…

If you’ve been ‘nice’, you should see one of these in the mail if you’ve been good:

JIM_0533

Season’s greetings from Tidy Husband and BW to all.

JIM_0525 (1)
December 9, 2012

Zombie Spies and Christmas Trees

It’s been pretty quiet around these parts except for one thing: zombies! Spies, too. Let me explain:

Recently, we cancelled our cable in an effort to reduce spending on stuff we didn’t need which resulted in much more use of our netflix account, which is much cheaper than cable and also comes with a few benefits too:

1. It’s cheaper. I’m not sure of the exact total but I think it’s about ten bucks or so.

2. We only watch movies or TV series. This means when we’re done, we’re done watching. We don’t get sucked into watching stuff we don’t need to, which results in more time to do other stuff.

Zombies Rule The House

BW found a Zombie series. I forget the exact title – waking of the dead, or some other – doesn’t matter. What does matter is that for some ungodly reason she loves Zombies and this results in a few problems:

1. All she talks about are zombies.

2. I’m quietly reading a book and she comes down and announces “I’m going to go downstairs and watch zombies”. Under normal conditions this wouldn’t be so bad but due to the lack of doors and the fact that BW loves to set the subwoofer all the way to 10 on the dial..well, I can kiss my quiet reading goodbye. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM….aaaaaahhhhh, scream, etc. I can’t escape the noise and no, headphones don’t help.  The whole house vibrates. There’s no escaping it.

The other day she came home with a zombie book. As if it wasn’t enough to watch the stuff, now she has to read about it.  So now, any topic is now related to zombies.  I’ll be glad when this is over.

If all else fails, I’ll hide the subwoofer cable.

I’m a Spy! I’m a Spy!

Related to our netflix adventures is that we’ve been watching a TV series called homeland. I won’t describe the plot – you can check it out here if you like, but it’s CIA and bad guys and good guys. While watching we realized that BW would be the world’s worst spy.  She would last about two seconds before she would blurt out “I’m a spy!”. I married  the world’s worse secret keeper. Do not confide in her if you want to keep any holiday secrets. Or, employ her as a spy.

Bah, Humbug

It’s the season to be/ happy and joyous and spend a lot at Target with visions of sugarplums dancing in your head. BW wanted a christmas tree. A big one. I tried to convince her that we did not need a tree  but guess who won?  I tried to get out of the tree install. “How will we get it home?”, I argued. I also suggested that considering we plan on spending the the holidays away for a fair bit of it, we don’t need a tree.

BW would have none of my suggestions so with that I finally succumbed and we went up the road, stuffed a tree in the trunk and dragged it in the house. You  think I’d learn but even with the tree in the house I still moaned and whined about the thing, even though the battle had decidedly ended long ago. After my many complaints BW had finally had enough”

“Shut your pie hole and help me decorate this tree”  (she treats me so well, won’t you agree?)

So, with my pie hole closed, I present to you our very first christmas tree as husband and wife:

JIM_0524

 

JIM_0530

JIM_0525 (1)

It’s not all bad, I guess. At least I eat well. Even if there are both zombies and christmas trees in the house.

JIM_0528

 

 

Leaves
November 17, 2012

How To Help Your Husband Rake Leaves

“Hey, BW – Get away from the computer and come help me outside with the leaves”, he said.

This, folks is how to help your husband with leaf raking :

  1. come outside
  2. play with dog
  3. play with dog
  4. play with dog
  5. put one handful of leaves in can
  6. play with dog
  7. play with dog
  8. play with dog
  9. play with dog
  10. Go inside. Tell your husband you’re cold.

Sigh.

 

 

Time for a change
November 14, 2012

How To Save $900 a Year on Your Cable TV Bill

“I’m going to call and cancel cable”, she said.

“Okay”, I said.

 

Step 1. Call your cable company, and cancel it. Explain to them that paying $75.00 a month to watch hoarders and the Eagles lose again is just nuts.

Step 2. Put on a pot of Tea.

Step 3. Start planning your winter holiday in 2013 with the extra $900 you’ve got. I hear Montreal is Nice.

You see…waaaay back when I was wooing BW with my charming good looks, I didn’t even own a TV, let alone cable service so to me, coughing up any money to watch TV was silly. I had mentioned to BW that maybe we could cut our silly TV/internet bill, but at the time BW was in love with John Stewart too much, but somehow no matter how hard we try to cut costs things are still tight, so silly as it may seem, the extra $75.00 a month moves the needle a fair bit right now.

If you add this savings to the $600 I already saved BW by becoming the the official lawn boy of 2012 (painter, too) we’re up to $1500 saved this year. The downside? her coffee consumption went up considerably.

PS: It feels great to tell the cable company to stuff it. There’s something liberating about this, not sure why.

PPS. This means we might have to start talking to each other now that there’s no TV.  It’s been said married life is all about communication. :)

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go read a book.

 

 

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