Caulk Til You Drop
I blame my friend Gord. (and myself)
You see, once upon a time there lived a skinny nerdy guy who loved to live in Condos where others would worry about silly little things like maintenance. For this, he paid a fee to have others do this for him and he thought he would live this way until the day he died.
But then in a land far away was a beautiful wife to be, and he filled out forms and more forms and any money he had went to maintenance first, and then to saving for the big ring so he could propose to BW and become happily ever after. BW said yes, and the skinny little guy moved into the beautiful wife’s castle:
in a land, far far away…where they love football too much, and the stores are always open and the streets never end.:
One fine fall day, the skinny guy, now happily married and living with the beautiful wife thought it would be nice to have friends over for dinner. Or she did anyway.
The skinny guy – used to living alone in his spotless and maintentance-free apartment, was not used to such a strange custom. He had never heard of this thing called hosting before. How strange, he thought – you invite others into your home so that you feed them and offer them drinks. This is good money that could be used towards maintenance fees, he thought to himself. But he wanted to see what this custom in the strange land was all about
But, as the skinny guy did not want to upset the BW he honored her wishes and allowed others to enter the castle which he now shared. The guests enjoyed themselves, and thankfully the skinny guy knew how to make coffee for the guests, which the guests seemed to enjoy so the skinny guy was quite pleased that his first hosting went so well. On the way out BW and skinny guy showered their guests with
ebay purchases gifts and as they were out the door, a guest suggested to the skinny guy that the caulking on the front windows needs to be replaced.
Skinny guy did not know what to make of this strange new custom where you do the work yourself. But the guest assured skinny guy he could rightly so do this strange and unknown task – all he had to do was go to the Castle Home Depot and ask the King of Home Depot about the correct tools needed for this great new adventure.
Skinny Guy, not being married for long at this point, made one mistake, and when he did it he knew there was a reason he never partook in this strange custom of hosting before. You see, skinny guy made the mistake of telling the beautiful wife that the windows on the castle needed repair. BW asked skinny guy if he might be able to complete this task himself without using the ‘maintenance fee’ he had become so accustomed.
This, my friends is where the story takes a turn for the worse: skinny guy stated to BW that he thinks he just might be able to take on such a noble and dangerous task all by himself. And BW asked him the fateful question: “When?” she asked.
And then, my friends she did not stop asking skinny guy about this task and it’s completion. Day, after day, after day she asked and asked and asked over and over again “When will you partake in this noble deed?” she asked.
and the next day she asked again.
Skinny Guy was not used to such demand for his talents at castle maintenance before so he was not sure what this custom was. Being the curious sort, he called others with beautiful wives and the others confirmed that this happened at their castles too. They even had a term for this new custom. They called it nagging.
But, they warned the skinny guy if he wanted to continue to live inside the walls of the great castle and not on their couch that he should refrain from using that term in BW’s presence. They also advised he may want to get used to this as there are many more tasks like this and he should try to stall the work for as long as possible because that’s what BW’s want. Do not attempt this task in haste, they warned me.
Skinny guy went back to the castle and waited and waited and dreaded each passing day as this task loomed over his head. Finally BW could not take the waiting any more and mentioned that if skinny guy did not complete this task promptly, he would be using his friends couch as his castle. The skinny fellow did not want this to happen as he gets fed well in the BW’s castle and so with great trepidation he ventured out of the warmth of the castle to complete the task:
Skinny Guy was handed a tube and a thing with a trigger. This was apparently called a caulking gun,but skinny guy had never heard of such things. He worried about his hands , would this stuff make them rough? He worried about being outside when it was under 70 degrees but in the end it all did not matter, his worries – because despite his fears about new adventures and allowing people into the castle and delivering drinks and food, only to have them critique your castle on the way out – he knew he had made the right choice for he would now be allowed back into the castle as BW was pleased with the results and they both could rest assured that the castle will be toasty warm this winter now that the castle had been repaired.
Also, skinny guy noticed that once the task was completed, the nagging had stopped. “At least for now” , he thought to himself