Husbandly Advice

I don’t get to give much of this in real life because, well, BW is in charge of all the advice givin’ here in these neck of the woods but I’ve been wanting to to this for a bit and besides – we have no cable and this is kind of fun.

But first – remember how earlier in the week I asked when you know when the propane runs out? The answer is at the wrong time. You don’t run out when you have a dollar’s worth of hot dogs on the grill, like, oh last night:

JIM_2178

No, the propane gods wait until you schlepped to the grocery store in the car that doesn’t start with no air conditioning and you find the most beautiful steak there, and you think to yourself, “tonight, I’m having steak!”. I mean what’s better than a grilled steak on a hot summer night, right? Not for me tonight. I went into the house for a second and thought I’d be soon having a wonderful bbq’d steak but when I went to flip it – no propane. BAWL!!!!. Backup plan? Peanut butter sandwiches.

Now, back to my advice column: Besides the usual suspects that read this thing, there’s the odd stranger that happens upon this site looking for answers and I’m not sure if they found what they were looking for, so I thought I’d help, cause I’m helpful like that.

1. What’s a good diet for toothless people?

Soup, hold the crackers.

2. Hot Car Air Conditioner

I’m not sure if this is a question, or a cry for help.

3. Golden Touques

Is there any other colour?

4. Before and After Messy Closet

For before photos, I have lots. Please call me at…

5. How To Get Husband To Be Tidy.

If he isn’t send him back. You got a dud.

6. Wife Tidy, Me Not.

And this is a problem?

7. Looking  for Tidy Husband

You found him. Sorry, he’s taken.

8. Husband Too Tidy.

This is a problem? See number 5 above –  maybe you can switch.

9. Paint Stained Boots

Again, I’m going to assume you want to make your own so I’ll provide the how to:  Step 1 –  put on boots. Step 2 – ask wife what needs painted.

10. How To Remove weeds from Garden.

Go away  for six weeks and leave gardening to husband.

11. What does dog urine look like if left on garage floor? Pictures?

Ask your dog. For the photos – you’re on your own there.

12. Car  air conditioning test?

Push button. Cold Air? if Yes, stop. If no, roll down windows.

13. How it works? Pinhole Camera

First, get your wife to decide she needs to look at the sun eclipse (or something, i forget)  and then put a pin hole in one end of the box and then realize it doesn’t work anyway and you’ve now ruined a perfectly good box. Your results may vary.

14. Tidy Husband, We Buy.

Wait, you can buy them???  If only I had known… BW, you got a deal.

15. Wearing her snowsuit in public.

It’s 2013, snowsuits aren’t just for indoors any more..

16. Husband Not Good at Painting.

Ha! Well, you get what you pay for (see question 14)

17. Can you use softsoap on dogs?

Hang on a minute, I’ll ask….nope, dog says no.

18. I hate eggplants

Welcome to the club, my friend.

19. ebay to sell husband’s stuff.

That’s one way. Craigslist is good too.

20. Feeding Husband To Get Fat.

This is how they keep you around. They fatten you up, and when you’re asleep on the couch…. (see number 19). Be careful, it looks like just a harmless donut, but…

 

 

 

 

 

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