A is for Agraphobia

It’s no secret that I’m an indoor kid.

I mean..helllo….there’s a WHOLE internet out there waiting to explored at your fingertips. And due to my nature I love to read and there’s loads of stuff online to read online and so… why go out? I’ve got a dog at my feet, a cup of tea and there’s a cool breeze from the window and the neighbourhood owl is telling me it’s almost time for bed. I’m set – nothing is needed outside the home.

But the problem with this reputation is when you do slip outside of the expected you get in trouble.

I present to you:

Ways a Husband Can Get In Trouble: Number 2454

Here’s the scene: It’s Sat am. I’ve been online for a few hours in the AM but eventually hunger and dog wanting a walk dictated that I get off my butt and do something about both of those problems.

So I got up and walked away from the computer and dealt with the dog and my stomach. And, I figured while I was standing I may as well run the broom around the floor and unload the dishwasher, and I think I even cut the lawn too – doesn’t matter

What does matter is that BW likes to keep tabs on me at all times. So she saw that I wasn’t online on facebook or skype or a gagillion other ways we’ve been communicating online these past few weeks and so BW started to get worried. .

So she called. From Paraguay

BW: Where were you?
ME: what do you mean?
BW: You weren’t online
ME: Yeah, like for an HOUR.

A guy can’t win. He gets teased constantly by friends and wife (and to both friend and wife reading this: wife needs pantry – you two deal with each other now. I’m out) about being an indoor kid and secretly hanging upside down by his anti-gravity boots bu when I do go out I get panicky phone calls from BW. Again, I need to empasize this: I was away from the computer for about an hour, two tops.

Now I suppose I am to blame for this. If I tended to be more extroverted it would be assumed I would be out all the time, but I doubt that would work out too well either becauase then the complaint would be that I’m never home..

I guess the lesson learned here is being married is just like being 10 years old: You have to let somebody know where you’re going, and make sure you’re home when the streetlights come on.

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