Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. TWO BIRTHDAY PARTIES IN ONE DAY

    alternate title: sugar overload.

    pxl 20260926 224303065 contemplating if she can finish (she didn’t)

    Today was the day of parties. My Day started at 7am with her whacking me on the back with a “Get up Dad”(how come this never happens on weekdays?) and she reminded me that it was BW’s birthday today and we had stuff to do.

    First, we had to hide the birthday eggs (birthday eggs?) and then we had to deliver her morning coffee (like this is different from any other day - how?).

    Then the child got distracted and played with her Furby which we bought her almost 2 Christmass ago but is now the best thing ever.

    When she awoke from her purple fuzzy haze, we opened the presents. We were told to go light this year and we did - we bought her a makeup mirror with lights!

    “Just what I wanted” BW told us. We have no reason not to believe her.

    Done, right?

    pxl 20260926 192201294

    OH. NO! Lunch was REAL Chinese food from Home Taste and I am pretty sure the child would eat all the dumplings if we let her.

    The plan was to have a nap and then to got the next birthday party - Eugene’s. If you remember we had we lost the invitation for and had a bit of a panic on our hands but it all got sorted.

    The birthday party was a camping theme with hotdogs and Doritos and various games but mostly it was about a dozen or so kids with a sugar high running around trying to exhaust themselves.

    pxl 20260926 214801489 2

    At the third hour, Dad had had more fun than he could handle and other Dads were also laying down the law that it was time to go so we went with the crowd.

    She was handed a little tackle box for a goodie bag full of worms which was a great idea for a camping themed party.

    If you count the delicious FOOD only that happened today she had a great day. When you add up the gift giving, sack jumping, friend-making and over miles ran today you can say today was the “best day ever”

    That’s what she told me and I believe her.

    Happy Birthday BW.

    pxl 20260926 172712128

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  2. And bingo was his name-oh.

    Tonight we played Bingo.

    bruno guerrero qqqvrq bs70 unsplash 1 Not “Church Bingo”

    Home Bingo.

    But… the Spanish Edition

    image

    You can buy your very own on Amazon

    I had no idea there was such a thing or even how the heck it ended up in the house, but the child found it somewhere - and we started playing it!

    At dinner it was decided it was either movie night or games night and over time it was decided that games would win as entertainment for the night.

    The child won TWICE in a row and then decided that I was a horrible caller due to my lack of Spanish and I would be a better player and that she would be the caller.

    She called and I didn’t win once - so either the game is fixed or she’s a better caller than I am.

    But we had a lot of fun and I even learned a bit of Spanish - but those rolling R’s are rough.

    English will be my first language for a while still because....

    No habla español

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  3. THE PROCESS WORKED

    pxl 20260924 200720226 edit

    “I know!!” she snapped at me as I reminded her to give the note to Eugene again.

    I really didn’t have much trust in the process as she walked across the street this morning and got on the bus.

    She came home from school and of course the first thing I asked her was “Did you give Eugene the note?”

    “YES!!” she snapped again. “Dad, stop”.

    Okay, I will stop.

    I just want to not have YOU to miss a birthday party because we lost the invite on the fridge. Also, we will have more walkie-talkies than occupants of the house - so there’s that.

    I have a new job. I am the pusher. The SWING pusher.

    It’s been two days straight where the weather has been really really nice and she has wanted to go to the park. The trouble? she wants me to come and push her on the swings - so I did my Dad duty and went and was the pusher on the swings.

    I didn’t know she loved the swings so much to be honest, but today we were swinging for a good half an hour and it was the same yesterday too.

    I push, she requests to go higher. I explain that’s as high as it gets - she squeals higher again as if the thing I just said didn’t get spoken.

    While we were swinging I started to warm her up to the idea that this birthday party might not happen if the stars don’t align and the note doesn’t get delivered. I told her that if that happens, we will find something else to do.

    I also had a plan to knock on Simon’s door up the street because maybe his Mom had the invite as I think the rule is that if you send invites to school you have to invite the entire class so by theory Simon should have been invited and maybe his parents are more on the ball and didn’t lose the freaking invitation.

    Anyway.

    I was on push number 4,276 when my phone buzzed. It was Eugene’s Mom - WE ARE SO GOING. THANK GOD. The little 7-year-old courier system didn’t let me down.

    Good Job!

    And then we just kept swinging because the birthday party on Saturday can wait, but the swinging in good weather?

    That ends sooner than we will like.

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  4. TRUST THE PROCESS

    She came home thrilled the other day from school.

    lidya nada md ha01bk7c unsplash 1

    Photo by Lidya Nada on Unsplash

    She had been invited to the very first 2nd Grade birthday party for her classmate. We will call him Eugene - not his real name.

    The invitation has been on our bulletin board for a good week - until today when it’s not.

    We currently have the following tacked on to our bulletin board:

    1. a public service announcement about how to prevent ticks
    2. School Calendar
    3. September Lunch and Breakfast menu for the school
    4. My honey-do list.
    5. it could probably be pitched but it’s still here - a sheet with the child’s school itinerary.

    What I don’t have anywhere is the freaking invite. I have the gift on order - but at this point I have no idea where or when this birthday party is.

    Of course these days you can’t just call the school and say - hey, can you give me the phone number for Eugene’s Mom?

    Because: privacy.

    And it’s not the teacher’s job to solve our problem - she sent the invite home with the child - she doesn’t get paid enough to deal with this problem.

    This is definitely a ME problem.

    This leaves me with no option but to trust the process but I have to tell you guys - the process is looking pretty shaky:

    For this to work I have to trust two 7-year-old’s to communicate that one parent of one 7-year-old lost the birthday party invite for the other 7-year-old

    This assumes that child A can remember to give the note I sent with her to Child B whom we hope can give the note to his parents so they can call me and let me know where this party is.

    I think I would have better luck if I communicated by carrier pigeon than the current system I am left with.

    I have instructed the child on how this needs to go down if she wants to be celebrating Eugene’s party on Saturday:

    1. Take note I put in your folder for school.
    2. Give note to Eugene. Express the importance that this note be taken home and shown to his parents.

    And then we wait.

    Maybe the note will get delivered - maybe it will be found 300 million years from now under a swing set.

    Both options have even odds.

    I do know that if this little plan of mine is a success I will have solved the most complicated communication problem since the invention of the text message.

    And if this doesn’t work? I will have an upset child and a camouflage walkie talkie set and no party to go to.

    I will know how to remove ticks though - so there’s that.

    Also: Friday is Pizza Day.

    Fingers Crossed, TH and Co.

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  5. THERE"S SOMETHING ABOUT TUESDAYS

    I am amazed every morning

    elijah ekdahl 5vscqz le88 unsplashPhoto by Elijah Ekdahl on Unsplash

    But this morning I was sure it was going to happen:

    We were going to miss the school bus

    The bus is scheduled for 8:13. Because I am who I am, I like to have shoes on, out the door by 8:00am - maybe a little after so we don’t miss the bus.

    This gives us a bit of breather if some sh*t hit the fan on the home stretch.

    At 7:45 this morning, she was still at cranky/won’t eat/won’t get dressed - nothing. She told me “I don’t wanna” so many times I told her she used them all up now for the rest of the week and now anything out of her mouth now has to be “Yes Dad”

    I set a timer: T-minus 14 minutes. And then just like that - I dunno if it’s the timer or she just has some internal clock - breakfast and clothing happens in a matter of minutes. We even had time for toothbrush a hairbrush and we were out the door early for the bus. Not real early, but we were outside waiting.

    I don’t know how she lives like that. I hate, hate hate being late if I can help it. Sure, we all sleep in or lose track of time but for the important stuff like school buses and airplanes I need to be there so I don’t miss the thing.

    Maybe it’s genetic on her mother’s side - the “lalalalala..Oh, I guess I should go” attitude about time and appointments.

    Meanwhile, Dad feels like a coach for the Olympics trying to juggle milk for cereal, socks on feet and finding the lost shoe that should have been found the night before - all while trying to deal with the dog that decides that it needs to go outside now and it’s doing it’s best to get between you and a shoe that’s getting put on a little uncooperative foot.

    By the time the school bus does show up I am a nervous wreck and almost need a Xanax to calm down. School day mornings take years off my life I tell you.

    Years.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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