Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Wednesday Again

    The Start

    We just had a day, is all. The child almost missed the bus because we have different ideas on how long it takes for her to get dressed. She made it with seconds to spare.

    If you show her options on what to wear she refuses and so you end up not even bothering. Today she came down in a purple sweater-dress with trackpants on underneath because there was absolutely no time to wrestle tights onto her.

    white and pink analog alarm clock

    Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

    The Robot Vacuum

    Meanwhile, in the robot vacuum saga - I called Amazon and asked nicely if they could help me because obviously Roborock can’t. After waiting and uploading a copy of the repair order, they offered me a refund so I sent the thing back and it can be somebody else’s problem.

    This leaves me without a robot vacuum again, so I found a fancier model with power steering and air conditioning and all the other bells and whistles. I can’t go roomba-less now as I’ve been spoiled now.

    I write at night while the robot cleans. It’s the best of both worlds.

    The Shoe Show

    You can’t make this up: I was cleaning up the kitchen and she was at the door trying on everybody’s shoes and then she decided she was going to do a show in the living room.

    This probably won’t translate to the printed page, and I apologize but first she waddled around in my boots saying she was “very tall”, and then she got BW’s boots and talked about how cold and snowy was. The finale was BW’s slippers: She walked around the house repeating “I’m not a morning person”.

    BW is NOT a morning person. You had to be there, and I’m sorry.

    The Music

    Tonight at her Ninja Class they played name that tune and without missing a beat they all chimed in that they knew the song: Mario Cart theme song. I didn’t know games had songs.

    BW taught her about Dua Lupa, but now Levitating is on full blast every evening, On repeat. I don’t like BW right now.

    But earlier in the car she laughed and laughed at the title of a song, and rightly so - it’s a long one.

    Oh, the giggles coming from the back seat about this were a much needed sunny moment on a cold February day. We celebrate the silly song titles here.

    The Artwork

    I did not solicit this in any way shape or form. It seems my status here has improved since last we checked. For a while there it was all about the dog.

    Here’s what came home from School today:

    Look at all my hair!

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  2. Dear Roborock

    Dear Roborock,

    black and white round device

    Photo by Denny Müller on Unsplash

    It’s not me, it’s you.

    You had me at hello, with your sleek body that glided effortlessly across the floor and both picked up all the crumbs and dust of the day and at the same time you mopped too.

    It was love at first sight, but then after a few weeks - the shine and novelty of finding a new love had dulled a bit.

    Your decline started out slow. It’s not like you stopped caring all at once, but it was more of death by a thousand cuts - or mops - if you prefer. You thought I wouldn’t notice but I saw that over time the gliding was more effort and the streaks. OMG the streaks. Once I saw them, I could not unsee them. I’m sorry.

    Again, I thought it was me at first because how could you betray me like this? I was willing to look the other way and pretend the streaks didn’t happen. But they happened again.

    “Maybe it was the soap ratio”, I said to myself. I guess it doesn’t matter because at this point my love for you was diminished greatly - but that one night when I came home and you would not come back to the dock was the final straw.

    It had to happen - I had to get you fixed. I emailed your boss and he said to try cleaning the sensors and resetting and have I cleaned the filter? I did all those things but no matter what I tried the results were the same - you would wander amongst the dog hair in the living room - searching and searching, but never being able to find home.

    “Send it in, we’ll have a look at her”, the head office said. So I did. I gathered up all your brushes and tanks and cords and chargers and after about 17 unsuccessful attempts I managed to put you back in the box you came in.

    You were never meant to go back. We had a thing. I watched with tears as the UPS truck took you away to get repaired all the way across the country. I though thought of all those hours where I would just watch you work.

    Then, I counted the days - the first one was the hardest because I had to remember how to work a real broom and I cried and cried. My back hurt as much as my heart, I missed you so.

    After what seemed like an eternity (about 4 days) I heard the news: you were coming back to me. I jumped with joy when the UPS tracking showed you were coming back to me a day early.I was so excited to see you again!

    You arrived in a different box. At first I thought I had gotten an upgraded model (kind of like Jeff Bezos has now) but upon unboxing you were the same old model.

    They hadn’t even cleaned you up. The service ticket stated that you were fine, but the dock - it’s always the dock - had the communication issues. A new dock would rekindle our relationship like it had been before, they told me.

    But I had my suspicions. The first one was that they didn’t even try and refurbish you in the least and then the tell-tale sign of the replacement dock having the same bright orange elastic band on I sent you with. If this was a new dock, it would come with a newly spooled cord and sleek black twist tie - and it didn’t

    Ever hopeful, I plugged in the dock and pressed the “Home” button.

    You tried, you did. You wandered around the house like the dog does at dinnertime looking and searching for a place to rest. But you couldn’t find home. You clicked and clunked against every piece of furniture in the room except for the dock.

    Sure, I could dock you manually but I paid for the self-docking feature and I just can’t live with another thing I have to care for. I mean, I already have the child. How much can a guy handle? You understand, of course.

    I’m sorry Roborock, but it’s over. I’ve got my eyes on another model with dual spinning brushes that lift to go over carpet that self clean and dry! I hear she even has a self cleaning feature.

    I’ll never forget you Roborock because you were my first vacuum but I’ve moved on. I tried, but you know the saying: fool me once….

    May you find your perfect dock one day.

    All the Best,

    TH and Co.

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  3. 99 Days of School

    Tomorrow, 100.

    I am very, very, very happy to report that the child got up this morning, had breakfast 1 got dressed and I put her coat and backpack on her and then sent her out the door - and a few minutes later: she got on the School Bus!

    photo taken last fall - exactly school days ago. Would you look at that green grass? Sigh.

    I watched her get on the bus and then the doors closed and the bus took her to school for what I learned later in the day was her 99th day.

    I closed the door, sighed - and then listened to the silence. All I could hear was the dog snoring and see the light snow falling from the window. For the first time in nine days, my soundtrack was not some 12 year old on YouTube Kids running a play by play of the minecraft game they are playing.

    I made coffee and considering I am the tidy husband - I started to clean up. With her gone I could pitch a lot of the stuff we had lying around like all the valentines day cards. They were fun a week ago but all good things come to end and it was time for the cards and some other crap to go.

    Then, I had lunch and a nap because that’s how we roll around here some days.

    We asked her when she got home what she was going to do for the 100th day and she shrugged and said she did not know which is weird because last year they made a big freaking deal out of it, but I guess this year she’s bigger? I don’t know.

    I do know that day 99 was a pleasure to be with the child. She was on her best game tonight. It’s amazing what a good night’s sleep will do now that we’re on a schedule and I have to say that these are the days where you appreciate being a parent because she was actually enjoyable to be around tonight.

    This celebrate the 99th day thing is relatively new I think. I don’t remember having any mid-year celebration when I went to school.

    Of course, she comes home with a new school calendar and guess what? She has two Friday’s off in a row due to conferences. The child will have been in class for 13 days and then she’s off for a 3 day weekend - two weekends in a row. I just sent her to school for the first time in 9 days this morning and now they tell me she’s getting more time off?

    I have no idea how many days of school she has left, but it can’t be too many left for the year if they’r handing out conference days like candy and then there’s easter and another spring break and so on.

    I guess I might as well learn how to start playing minecraft soon because she’s going to be home all day again sooner than we would like.

    Checking those School calendars to see how many days are left,

    TH and Co.

    1. A PB and J sandwich that the dog grabbed the last half of because she can’t keep her bottom in a chair when she eats. ↩

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  4. Give Me a Break

    It’s Sunday evening and she’s snuggled up in her bed fast asleep by 8pm.

    a bird's eye view of a beach and ocean

    Photo by Norbert Buduczki on Unsplash

    We survived it. The winter break of 2026 is behind us. That’s 5 days with 2 weekends as bookends - for those who don’t have kids. For those that do - you understand my pain already

    It’s been….fun. She went to a craft school for 3 days and then when to a Ninja-tumbling venue where all the little ~~buggers~~ ninjas bounced around on foam pads and swung from ropes for a few hours.

    She’s exhausted. And it all came to a head this afternoon.

    You see, we’ve made some plans to our Sunday swimming lessons - We cancelled them because it was a pain in the ass to drive across town for her to have 30 minutes of swim class for her to only have about 10 minutes of actual swim time. The pool was hot, overcrowded and both BW and I dreaded going each and every Sunday.

    So, when renewal requests came in - we ignored it this time around. She didn’t like to go anyway half the time.

    This is all great and all but the child still needs to learn how to swim. BW can’t right now for a few reasons so this leaves me to take care of the everyday and one of these everyday things was to find new swimming lessons for the child.

    I was searching and all I could find were crappier venues or they were too pricey but then I realized that not even a quarter mile away from us at the high school is a pool. This pool has FREE SWIM on Sundays - with a lifeguard. This last part is important.

    You see, I’m the primary caregiver at the moment and that means that I get to take her to the family swim. Except….Dad can’t swim. No doggy paddle, nothing.

    To quote Bob Seger: “Like a Rock” is my swimming style.

    But I figure we’ll do fine - she’s got the basics and she can go underwater. We’re not going for the Olympics - we are going for swimming across the pool - and close enough.

    So, as one can imagine - this swimming with Dad has been a great big excitement and today was the day: after lunch we were going swimming. Dad - the one who can’t swim - isn’t as keen on this idea as the child, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

    We drive to the high school around the corner and the parking lot is empty. NOT A CAR. This doesn’t look good, but we found the door we were supposed to go into and so we parked the car and walked up to the door only see a sign taped to the window that read:

    HEATER BROKEN - POOL CLOSED - SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

    You could feel the silence just before the screaming started.

    Remember when they were babies and you would take them to get vaccinated and you could see them scream before you heard them?

    Well, I experienced this today again with the child, and after a few seconds of silence for her brain to figure out that there was to be no swimming today - she. just. lost.it.

    Nothing I could say or do could help. She demanded that we do something else and she rattled off 3 or four non-swimming ideas that were not going to happen because we didn’t need to go get any other entertainment today and we did not need any more sugar for the week. It was the last day of school break and yes, this is disappointing and she did not let me forget that fact for a good half an hour or so, but life sucks sometimes and there will be more disappointments to come

    It took a lot of huggies to get her to settle down, and then like all thunderstorms - it was over before you knew it, but holy - this child does not do unexpected plan changes well and accepting disappointment is not her strong suit.

    She’s a pro at expressing her disappointment and today she let us know.

    Tomorrow, I get to express my happiness that it’s a school day.

    And in about five weeks time? Spring Break is here.

    Maybe we’ll go swimming.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  5. I Don't Wanna Empanada

    From Google:

    Empanadas are versatile, crescent-shaped turnovers consisting of dough filled with savory or sweet ingredients that are either baked or fried. Originating from Spain and Portugal, they are immensely popular throughout Latin America, the Philippines, and other regions, with regional variations often featuring distinct doughs and fillings.

    homemade empanadas made by my mother in law. Photo by me.

    I had never heard of an Empanada before I met BW, but now they are a regular in the dinner repertoire and we have them from time to time. We have pizza a lot more than we eat these so it’s not like we are sick of empanadas. In fact, far from it.

    Earlier today we were at Ninja School again today because my little ninja hasn’t had school all week so we had to do something, and if I have to hear another play by play of a 12 year old YouTuber screaming Minecraft instructions from her device, I can’t be responsible for my actions.

    Outside is out - because it’s February in Buffalo so we took her to tumble and toss for a few hours. She had a great time and found a friend from school there so it was just like old times 1 and she ran and played and tumbled.

    After almost 3 hours of this, I decided to tell her that we were done and it was time to go home. 3 hours is a long time to run around and I don’t know how she does it but I didn’t want her to get too tired as then it’s a long night for all of us.

    They don’t teach you about the tired/not tired balance thing when you become a parent and it’s a double edged sword: You can’t have them inside all day watching YouTube but you also can’t have them running around until they fall asleep at the dinner table. I’m sure some mommy blogger or parenting book has a run/not ratio figured all out but here we’re just winging it.

    Back to the Empanadas: As we were putting her coat back on and shoes she asked what for dinner and I told her: Empanadas.

    She says “Oh, God. Not Empanadas again”.

    I ask her to repeat what she said and she tells me nevermind and that I wasn’t supposed to hear that. I reminded her that Dad sees and hears all and also Empanadas are delicious!

    You would pay $8.00 at least for just one of these little meat-filled donuts of joy out in the real world, and I never ever want to hear you say another bad thing about Empanadas again.

    Especially, Especially around your Abuela.

    Hoo boy - if she heard you say you did not like Empanada’s I can only imagine the trouble you would be in. That’s like being Canadian and not liking maple syrup - I don’t think this is allowed.

    Besides, in a few months you’re off to Argentina where they sell them by the dozen so my guess is you’ll have another Empanada in your future very soon.

    You better learn get used to Empanadas soon child - because like it or not - the Empanada Extravaganza is coming soon to a plate near you.

    Keep Eating,

    TH and Co.

    1. 7 days ago. ↩

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