Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. That Time the Tooth Fairy Visited on Christmas Day

    A story about lost teeth and high expectations.

    5:54 am:

    “Hey Dad”, she said..

    tooth fairy outdoor winter scene

    “You’re six minutes too early”, I replied. 1

    “I know” she replied. “ I lost a tooth”.

    Well, that’s worth waking up for! Just the other day I wrote about the chances of the Tooth fairy and Santa Claus meeting, and I doubt they met I do know that the tooth fairy’s pager went off on Christmas Eve that she needed to add an address to her itinerary.

    By then it was 6am and we went down and unwrapped and squealed with joy at the gifts given and received, so a few notes about this years gifts and what works and what didn’t.

    1. Way, way, way, wayyyyy back in July the child mentioned that she wanted a Nintendo Switch 2. “Oof, those are $500”, I told BW. She knew, but there was a waiting list so we thought we should better get to it and place the order then. We could not believe we were at “video game age” already, but here we are. Long story short, - the Nintendo has been hiding in our bedroom closet for months.

      The child was overwhelmed by the gift I think. She stopped asking for it about September and moved towards asking for a small cheap remote control car. She did not want to go near it until earlier today which was over 24 hours since it was unwrapped - and when we did finally get it set up for her it was too much stimulation and frustration all mixed in into one overwhelming ball of confusion for her pretty little mind.

      These companies make it sound and look so easy on the 30 second commercials but these toys can be overwhelming for little minds even though they’ve been marketed to for months that they have to have this. Heck if somebody handed me a brand new phone with a new OS and about 12 buttons I never saw before - I would probably start crying and running to my room too. I don’t blame her frustration with this thing.

      What we’ve done to fix this is we’ve called one of her friends up the street who’s more into this gaming stuff to come over and give both of us some training on how to play the expensive video game system we just bought. The child and I will be attending Nintendo boot camp - taught by our neighborhood six-year-old.

      If I had to rate this gift right now, right here: 2.5 stars. This will probably change, but for now it’s been a bit of a disappointment. 2. The tiny little remote control car. This was the biggest hit. As we are apt to do, the child and I were surfing Amazon for kid’s toys when she saw that and mentioned she liked it, so after she was gone I added it to the cart and a day or two later it was at the door.

      You guys! This thing has been the toy of 2025. She has named it “Taylor Swifts’s Car” and this thing spins and flips and turns and has pretty good battery life and and the controller only has a few buttons. Nintendo, take note. Simple is good.

      She loves it.
      A 5 star rating, easy.

    A cheap yoga mat. Mom does Yoga and from time to time the child joins her in the basement, but we were down a yoga mat. Of course, this mat hasn’t been used for yoga. But it has been used for a pretend show and general rolling around on the floor. It also makes a great ramp for the “Taylor Swift Car Above”

    An easy 4 stars, even if it doesn’t get used for the intended purpose.

    There were a few other gifts, like some pencils and paper for artwork and of course some much needed clothes, but our living room does not look like the returns department at a Whole Foods and so we’re calling Christmas of 2025 a win, even if she’s down a tooth and we’re lukewarm on the big gift to date.

    But she’s up five bucks! The going rate for the tooth fairy is five bucks 2 at our house.

    Keep Smiling,

    TH and Co.

    1. The rule at our house is you’re not allowed to get out of bed until 6am on Christmas morning. ↩

    2. Coincidentally, the same price as a monthly subscription. cough ↩

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  4. What if the Tooth Fairy and Santa Came to Our House at the Same Time?

    I have questions.

    The child has a bottom tooth that’s hanging on by a thread and while I was putting her to bed tonight we just realized that there is possibility that Santa Claus and The Tooth Fairy would end up at our house in our living room on the same night!

    the tooth fairy and Santa Claus, together at last.

    And if this were to come true, what exactly would happen?

    Imagine the scene: Santa’s got his list of naughty or nice and he’s on our roof checking to make sure he’s at the right address. He lumbers off his sleigh, pats Rudolph on the way by - and shimmies down our chimney 1 with his bag of goodies.

    He gently places the gift under the trees, and as he straightens up again he hears a sound. At first, he thought it was his back cracking again, but then he realized there was somebody else in the room and it wasn’t Cindy-Lou Who because she’s on the route later in the night.

    Santa, he’s a little PO’d because here comes this tiny little fairy in a tiny skirt and she just shows up and he assumes she is trying to steal his thunder.

    In a way, Santa has a right to be PO’d as the entire economy depends on him to get the stuff to the stores and in the delivery trucks and under trees. He’s got a big operation with elves and reindeer and logistics and weather - all these things to concern himself with - he has no time for competition or cooperation.

    This is his night. It’s right there on the Calendar - he set an alarm on his phone not to forget - December 24th is for the kids to get excited about him and not some little fairy handing out money.

    Then along comes some sweet little fairy and all she has to do is scan the world for loose teeth and take the tooth and leave a bit of cash under a pillow. She doesn’t have to worry about elves, or sleighs or reindeer with red noses and all of that.

    Think about it: Santa has to worry about who’s been naughty or nice, what they want, how many they want and the list goes on and on. It’s a lot of work being Santa. No wonder it’s only once a year.

    The tooth fairy on the other hand has an app on her phone with a map of all the teeth waiting under pillows, so she gets up and just has to visit the ATM on the way so she will have some cash to put under a pillow when she gets there

    When the tooth fairy arrives she goes right upstairs to the bedroom - grabs the baby tooth and drops a fiver 2 under a pillow for the child to find.

    By this time - Santa, he’s at the kitchen table and munching on a cookie when he swings around and sees the tooth fairy - his first response is to get jealous because it is his night after all, but then he remembers Mrs Claus telling him to stop watching so much Fox News and start being nicer to the competition because we’re all in this together.

    In fact, they recently started a union: ICE - Imaginary Characters Everywhere - so that they can all get a piece of the pretend pie and it’s equal for all. The Easter Bunny is the President because he has all the eggs in his basket.

    Santa chuckles, 3 and offers the tooth fairy a cookie. “How times have changed”, he thinks to himself. She smiles and politely declines his cookie offer because she’s now on a weight loss medicine that’s all the rage with the fairies because those fairy dresses aren’t cheap and with the costs of the teeth increasing she doesn’t have a budget for new outfits like she used to.

    She grabs one of the carrots left for Rudolph, takes a bite and then kisses Santa on the cheek.

    “Merry Christmas Santa”, she whispers as she flits out the window on the way to the next loose tooth waiting under another pillow down the street.

    Santa puts down what’s left of his cookie, and with a wink of his nose he’s back in his sleigh with Rudolph happily leading the way.

    “Ho! Ho! Ho!”, he’s got a lot more houses to visit and those elves are unionized now and the labor costs are killing him so he has no time to spare as he has many many many many more chimneys to descend before he can call it quits for the night..

    One more sleep left!

    TH and Co.

    1. which is difficult because we don’t have one. I think this Santa story needs to be brought up to more modern times where chimney’s aren’t as much of a thing as they once were. ↩

    2. the going rate, I am afraid. ↩

    3. he is Santa after all. ↩

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  5. Even the Dog got a Christmas Card This Year

    I have to say I am kind of jealous.

    Every night, it’s the same thing. I have no idea what I’m going to write about when I sit down to write most nights and sometimes this is very apparent.

    Tonight was going to be one of those nights until BW showed me this that came home with the child from school today:

    At first glance, it looks like just some school coloring and I was ready to toss it because even though I keep a lot of the artwork - we can’t keep it all. But BW pointed out that it was not just some coloring schoolwork but it was a Christmas card for the Dog

    It reads:

    Dear Boldo,

    I think you are the best pet ever.

    I missed you when I was gone.

    and I promise to give you a bone.

    A few things here: First, the dog’s name is Boldo. Not Bingo, but Boldo. It’s complicated but that’s what the dog ended up getting named. Remember when you thought your MySpace username was kind of cool? This is kind of the same thing - it seemed a good idea at the time

    Second, is I have no idea when she was gone and not around the dog unless she means thanksgiving weekend where we had the dog at the sitter’s when we were out of town for a few days. That must have been it, because that’s the only time she was apart from the dog for more than a few hours.

    Third, it’s a very beautiful card and she has drawn the dog, a bone and of course a rainbow and hearts - because nothing says Christmas like hearts and rainbow colors.

    Christmas cards are few and far between these days and to think that the Dog got one and nobody else in the family did makes me realize the pecking order has changed some where DAD is no longer number one on her Christmas list this year.

    I am afraid I have been replaced by the dog - or Santa.

    And speaking of Santa we have 3 more sleeps and we’re a little excited here. I only had to put her back to bed about 3 times tonight and with it being so close to Christmas, I am calling tonight a win.

    To the lost art of sending Christmas cards,

    TH and Co.

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