Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Welding Class

    I failed miserably.

    I didn’t mean to almost set the house on fire today.

    Photo by Christopher Burns on Unsplash

    All was well…

    It was dinnertime and I was downstairs enjoying my uninterrupted computer time when BW called me to come upstairs and help with dinner. My task: stir the risotto.

    So, I stirred as told. I stirred some more. I asked how it’s going and she said that it’s good and to take the entire pot and put it in the microwave.

    Let me tell you about muscle memory- it has a strong pull that is bigger than you realize. I read that 60 percent of the time we’re walking around just doing things and not realizing. I most cases, it’s turning the wheel of the car when you want to turn or looking both ways before you cross the street.

    One more example: turn on the microwave when you put something in and shut the door. 99.9 percent of the time I do this and the results are as expected: warmer coffee for example.

    0.1 percent of the time I did this and almost burned the house down.

    You see, I put the metal pan in the microwave oven as instructed. 1 and then I presed the 1 minute button and walked away to complete another task. 2 About 42 seconds later (according to the timer on the microwave) BW starts screaming at me. It took me a minute but I soon realized my mistake.

    After a bit of screaming and flailing around and a bit of panicky googling on my part I learned the following:

    1. The risotto was delicious
    2. There’s now a spot on BW’s pot handle.
    3. There’s now a spot on the microwave where the pot tried to weld itself to the microwave.
    4. We’re going to be fine because I asked reddit.

    the crime scene.

    We tested the microwave after all of this and all seemed to be okay and except for the black spots on the inside, nobody would be the wiser.

    Today’s Lesson? Keep to the writing and let somebody else do the cooking and the welding.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and (one less) Co.

    1. Following orders here and so far so good. ↩

    2. Instructions were unclear. This is not so good. ↩

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  2. Seperation Anxiety

    A Weekend Summary.

    It seems I am more popular than I think and that when I am not around - the applecart that is our home gets tossed in all sorts of directions. Allow me to explain how my family dealt with my absence this weekend:

    Photo by Ries Bosch on Unsplash

    Personally, I had no problems with the trip to the fine state of Pennsylvania and back again, but all my other family members did not like this plan.

    Let’s start with the dog:

    BW tells me that the dog would not sleep all night and howled and whined resulting in a sleepless wife and dog. I would like to say I’m sorry I missed all that, but I am not.

    **According to the Dog: I am not allowed to leave

    **Up next, is BW. She was fine with me leaving but for reasons I do not know she likes to have me around. I am very thankful for that. But she decided that the best way to deal with my absence is not to give a f_ck about anything at all and just order takeout and live on the couch. Outside and fresh air and to-do lists were not to be experienced this weekend.

    According to the wife: I am not allowed to leave

    The Child was a little perturbed last night when she found out that I was leaving Pennsylvania without her and she was to stay and party with Abuela for the next 10 days. There were tears: “My Love Will Miss You Too Much”, she cried.

    But that was then, and this now. I did get a hug goodbye, but the mood has changed from tears to “eh, whatever”. She had a wonderful day today baking and making new friends with little girls the same age as her across the street, so I was forgotten.

    According to the child: I can leave, but only if she’s having fun and otherwise distracted.

    This is why I rarely go anywhere. It’s just too much effort to factor in all the reactions, complications, and emotions that result when I leave the house overnight.

    This is new uncharted territory for us. Last year the child was too little to really grasp that Dad’s not going to be there for 10 days.

    This year, she’s older and understands and will be simply fine.

    It’s the dog and BW that I worry about.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  3. Tourist for a Day

    Yes, we bought souvenirs.

    New York City - As seen from the ferry.

    Today, we spent the day at the Statue of Liberty, where we parked in New Jersey and took the ferry to the statue. We did not climb up all the steps and look out at the city below because it cost more money for the tickets but also that’s a lot of steps for dear old Dad and his little friend to climb. Maybe when she’s older we can try again.

    Besides, she went on her very first boat ride by going over on the ferry. She was a little apprehensive at first, but she loved the ferry after the fact. Of course, when she was there it was “I am bored” but we bribed her with an overpriced lemonade and that seemed to do the trick.

    Ater that it was all “This is fun” coming out of her.

    Also, I bought a crown:

    the reenactment.

    In fact, even without the steps - by the time we got to the statue she wanted nothing to do with getting a photo so I have a few but I did not have a willing participant so I’ll just share a photo of the statue itself and you can compare the re-enactment above to see if she’s doing it right.

    the original

    It was an excellent time. I would have liked to stay at the Ellis Island Museum to learn more but it’s hard with bored kids so I will just read the Wikipedia page instead and call it close enough.

    Of course, it would not be a day at the Statue of Liberty if we didn’t come home with a souvenir Statue of Liberty Lemonade Cup which also perked her up a bit too which was good. We did not have any major tears or screaming or anything today and she’s been really good the past few days so let’s hope she keeps it up

    I always tell her: If you behave - good things happen.

    Today the good thing was a boat ride and some lemonade.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  4. The Thing About Birthdays

    It’s all about the food and family. You can keep the socks.

    We all know how to have a happy birthday party: find some food, some drink, some family and friends - and a good dose of denial - because there’s no way that you’re that old already - and ta-da! You have a birthday party

    Homemade empanadas fresh from the oven. Made with love by the birthday girl.

    Time tends to go by fast when you count backwards.

    Because it’s her birthday tomorrow and I am a good son-in-law I went out and bought my mother-in-law a bouquet. Sure, it’s her birthday tomorrow but she also volunteered to take care of the child for 10 days while BW and I are home alone, so this is more of an insufficient bribe - or perhaps a thank you - or just to make sure she doesn’t change her mind before I can get out of town.

    While I was out running errands, she also asked me to pick her up some toilet paper while I was out and I agreed because, hey - it’s her birthday! Nothing says celebrate your birthday like 48 rolls of TP.

    you would think it was her birthday and not her grandmothers.

    Of course, the child thought the birthday party was all about her and she was treated as if she were the guest of honor with more swimming and lots of talking and of course - eating. She was ready to go to bed early tonight because she was exhausted after a full day.

    The thing about birthdays I am finding is it becomes less and less about you. It’s about the little ones and getting all 3 grandchildren in the same room. That’s the gift. Not the bouquet, or another pot holder or socks. It’s about getting a bit of help to blow out the candle from a grandchild because little kids can’t count that high so you can get away with 3 candles and call it close enough.

    Happy Birthday Abuela,

    The Child and Co.

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  5. How to Have a Successful Road Trip with a Child

    It’s all in the planning. And an internet connection for the tablet of course.

    Greetings from the beautiful state of Pennsylvania where the child and I are staying at Grandma’s house and I thought that now that I am an expert road tripper due to our maiden voyage down the highway I thought I would take the time to share some tips:

    Photo by Samuele Errico Piccarini on Unsplash

    1. Plan. This might seem like the obvious, but if you don’t have the right tools for the job the job can’t get done. Make sure you know when you are leaving and where you are going. These are crucial steps that will make or break you later.
    2. Bring chargers and cables - just like planning, if you don’t have the supplies on hand then things can go badly with an upset child with no internet connection.
    3. Snacks. You will need a lot of snacks. If the child starts talking about being hungry and stopping will put your plan behind just keep tossing chips into the back. I recommend the variety pack so every new bag is a new taste sensation.
    4. Bring your patience. When the little one decides to “sing” 1 along to each and every one of her videos because she has headphones on and can’t hear the singing. The entire point of the headphones was to not have to hear the songs in the first place. This could be avoided by culling any musicals from the child’s playlist before your trip. Lesson learned.
    5. Stop to refuel sooner rather than later. It’s a silly thing but an extra 15 minute stops sure beats getting a tow because you have no fuel in the tank.
    6. Be sure to have the child look up once in a while to look out a window. Tell them you saw a cow or horse or an elephant. The animal isn’t important here - it’s to interrupt the singing.
    7. When you do stop, be sure to send your daughter to the ladies room in behind somebody else’s grandmother so she can help with reaching the soap and towels. (Thank you kind stranger).
    8. Whatever you do, do not treat your child to some blue sugary drink at the gas station. If you do, at least get one for yourself too.
    9. Ignore the child when they tell you they don’t have to pee at the stop. They do, they just want to wait until you’re in the middle of nowhere.
    10. Arrive safely and when you get grandma’s house be sure to jump in the pool. It was a long drive but we all made it safely and that’s the important thing.

    At the beginning of the summer this would not have happened. Now, she’s a little fish.

    1. “I miss mommy”

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

    1. if singing and chanting are considered the same ↩

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