Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. This Making Money Online With Substack is Going a Little Better

    Another month, another report.

    Let’s start with the good news. I made more in July than in June.

    Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash

    Thanks to a relative who upgraded their subscription to a founding member status, this brings my annual income from this newsletter to $225.00

    The bad news is I’ve become stagnant when it comes to growth

    Probably because I don’t really promote this at all. That might have something to do with it. Go figure.

    Here’s the numbers:

    I lost a subscriber this month. Oh, the rejection. I think I may need therapy. Or, more probably is that somebody got fed up with getting an email daily from me. There’s only so many stories of bedtimes gone wrong a person can handle. I should know as I am living it - there’s no unsubscribe button for me.

    And you know what? I wouldn’t change it for the world. Tonight we talked about the Nintendo Switch 2 that apparently she’s getting for Christmas. This is news to me.

    I have no idea where she got the idea that she needs a $500 computer game thingy but she apparently does. If there was ever a better excuse asking you to upgrade to a paid subscription I don’t know what that would be.

    At current income rate it will take me over 2 years to save up for this thing. I hope she can wait that long - either that or I go viral by Christmas.

    They make it seem so easy - write and they will come. Yeah, sure. If you have a book deal or live on social media but for the tired Dads that are just trying to document the days 1 before they collapse, it’s a slog to get 2 noticed online.

    That said the fact that 66 of you want my thoughts in your email daily is just wild. To think that there’s a chance that on a good day 50-ish people read me is unbelievable.

    Add to that that 4 of you pay for this. Well, pinch me.

    I was going to write about the earnings I make from the odd link I send to Amazon but this will be really short, because I didn’t make any, So there’s that.

    Here’s to a profitable August,

    Thanks for reading.:)

    TH and Co.

    1. Because kids grow up fast. ↩

    2. and keep, apparently ↩

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  2. The Year of the Tree

    Sticks are in. Until they’re not.

    Every once in a while our tree out front sheds a branch.

    Photo by David Vig on Unsplash

    If I were more in tune with my lawn I would run out and pick it up but what happens is that the stick rests quietly there until I mow the lawn and pick it up weeks later.

    At least that’s what happened pre-child. Now, it’s entire different ballgame.

    These days it seems any rock/stick or other sharp object found in the yard is the perfect thing to play with. If it’s sharp and pointy and can be run with even better.

    Bonus points if you get it near mommy’s new car.

    Thus, the child has heard a lot of “Put down thes stick! You’re going to poke your eye out”. This is said while the child has somehow wrapped the stick in her shirt where the sharp end is inches away from eyeballs or ears or faces. It’s not good.

    My favorite is when she’s on the scooter with the stick - should I just call the emergency room now and make a reservation so they know we are coming?

    Somehow I manage to get the stick away from the child and we’re all good right? This means the lesson about sticks has been learned and I have been a good parent explaining why riding a scooter with a stick that is bigger than you is generally a bad idea.

    Oh, no.

    Today when I went to pick her up from camp she handed me a stick with a rubber band.

    “Here Dad, Here’s your tracker”

    “My What?”

    “Your tracker, you know - so we can find each other”

    “Ah, I see”

    I can see where she sourced the sticks because she is at camp and there’s more than a few trees to source from but she then had them tied to her arms with elastic bands which I assume she got from the staff? I have no idea.

    Of course we had to take the trackers home with us and show mommy our trackers - after which the novelty ran out and they lay abandoned on our kitchen table.

    I really hope this is the last of the sticks, but it seems that this is the summer she’s stuck on sticks and the summer is not over yet so who knows?

    But then at bedtime she tells me she wants a Nintendo Switch 2 because then she could play Super Mario Cart. 1

    Maybe this playing with sticks isn’t so bad after all. It’s cheaper, that’s for sure.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

    1. Where the heck does she learn about this stuff? ↩

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  3. How's the Air Up There?

    A: Not very good. We Blame Canada. No, really - we do.

    It’s summer time here. Pools, Ice Cream, Fun and Sun. All these things are great, yes?

    white clouds and blue sky during daytime

    Want to know what’s not great? Crappy air quality.

    This air quality is horrible for BW and her asthma as it means she has to stay in all day on the couch trying to breathe. We’ve got the air conditioning so cold we’re wearing sweaters and we have 3 industrial air cleaners going at full tilt. These help - I’ve got the air quality inside to about 10. Which is much better than the 150ish it is outside but still not optimal.

    I guess this is the new normal. I don’t remember getting hit with air quality last summer but I do remember 2023 so I guess this is now a thing.

    I mean, this is serious. How dare the Canadians mess our summer plans? The nerve.

    At least we’ve got our politicians looking after us:

    US lawmakers write to Canada to complain that its wildfire smoke is spoiling summer

    Those crazy Canucks allowing their smoke to go into OUR air. Can you imagine?

    I would like to think that our representatives in Congress are smarter than actually taking the time to complain about this, but hey we voted for them so we get what we get and we don’t get upset.

    Meanwhile, the Canadians are busy you know - fighting the fires instead of starting a letter campaign.

    Sigh.

    If only we had a dome to protect us.

    That said, we hope the letters work and the Canadians get their act together so BW can breathe again.

    Enough about air quality for now….

    Fun in the Fog

    The child and I decided we had to do something after yesterday’s lazy day so BW suggested at lunch that we go to the Grand Island Fun Center for some mini golf and go carting as we had to do something.

    So, after lunch we went. First, Mini Golf.

    This course was bigger than I thought. After living here for a dozen years and driving by for years today was the day we finally went and the course is a full 18 holes of fun!

    They asked us if we wanted a score card but I figured we were not counting score today and I was right. Her technique is to keep hitting the ball until it goes in the cup.

    THEN and only then would it be my turn. She was very interested in the surrounding and bridges more than the game itself but you wouldn’t know it as she got two hole-in-two’s which is a better showing than dad had. I haven’t played golf in a long, long time so that’s my excuse.

    I was warned many many many times about the last hole where the cup is not a cup, but a pipe where the ball goes back to wherever they go to when you’re done your game and this mystery was talked about on more than one occasion while we played.

    After golf we cooled off in the arcade for a bit and she wanted to spend the $1.75 she had as credits when she went here for a birthday party earlier this summer. At first she wanted to play a shooter game but I managed to steer her to the claw game full of rubber ducks that stated that you play until you win.

    Besides, we’re an expert at claw games because we made our own. It took a few tries but she finally won a rubber duck. In fact, I don’t know if the game was broken or somebody didn’t pick up their prizes but there were five ducks in there so she won the rubber duck lottery today.

    We saved the best for the last: Go Carting! I think it’s been 40+ years since I went go-carting and now that we’ve been I’m good for another 40. She wasn’t scared but screamed the entire time we were on it. I guess it was a scream of delight? I dunno. We slid and raced around the track for five minutes which was more than enough and apparently just enough because the go-cart ran out of gas as we pulled up to park and rolled into our spot. Of course, running out of gas was the highlight for her.

    I tried to get her to leave after the carting and go and get some real ice cream but she saw the over priced ice cream treats at the door so I was stuck. You can’t argue with a SpongeBob Ice Cream:

    And that’s our day outside.

    We came home and then a little later her friend came over and they had taped paper to their feet and were “skating” across our floor. They think of the silliest things.

    After dinner we decided it was time to look for dog poo in the backyard. Any normal person would hate this task but not my child. She’s in charge of poo sighting and I’m in charge of the shovel.

    She loves loves loves doing this. I will remember this because when she’s a little older this will be her job. She knows this and seems fine with it.

    Tonight was relatively easy because we had done some activities and then there was her haul of rubber ducks to test out in the bathtub, so those ducks were lucky for the both of us.

    It was later by the time she got to bed, but it’s summertime so whatever.

    Now if only the Canadians would get their acts together with the fires so BW can start to breathe and we can have summer fun with her too.

    Maybe I should write a letter.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  4. The Art of Doing Nothing

    We’ve got this down to a science

    If there were awards for doing nothing I could write our acceptance speech:

    Photo by Janosch Diggelmann on Unsplash

    “I would like to thank BW for letting me wake up first and make sure the dog gets fed and the child is still on the couch. (not that there’s a chance she would move). I would also like to thank the dog for wanting to go in and out about a million times today otherwise I would have had absolutely no exercise”

    So…ya.

    It was that kind of day. The laundry needs done, and the house could use a tidy and I don’t want to put into writing how much screen time the child had today. But, we all needed it for different reasons and sometimes you have to take a day to just recharge the batteries.

    Speaking of batteries, I did manage to drag out the electric lawnmower and get our front lawn mowed so today wasn’t a complete write off and later in the afternoon we went swimming in the very cold pool.

    Later, her friend came over and they played make believe so at least I know her brain isn’t complete sludge. I also got told a lot of “facts” today from all the educational videos she watched so again: proof she’s still thinking.

    “Hey Dad, did you know that our bodies are almost all water?” and other questions of the like peppered me all day.

    By evening we were all tired of staring at each other and she was put into a no-screen zone so she had to go outside and run through the sprinklers (outfit number 3) and then after dinner she made up a game with the dog and a stick in the backyard.

    A quick snack of an orange and then into PJ’s (outfit number 4) and again I left her reading about butterflies as I write this.

    Tomorrow we’ll be picking up our socks and washing them and getting things ready for another week of camp and work but for today we just enjoyed the fact that we had nothing really to do.

    If only every day could be so lazy.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  5. The Friend Zone

    Summer is when you know who your friends are.

    It happened. Kids just show up at our house

    Photo by 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič on Unsplash

    I wrote earlier that I was afraid we lived in the barren suburbs where everyone is all locked in to their many activities to make friends and just play. No hovering parents, no schedule - just a warm August evening.

    Tonight, all her friends came over looking for her. The doorbell rang when we were sitting on the back deck eating ice cream and her friend - we’ll call him Steve - came over and wanted to play.

    This kid has no fear. He just walks in as if he owns the place and is always so happy to be here. Of course the dog is thrilled that there’s another person to jump on and get petted by.

    We were eating ice cream when he showed up and we offered him a popsicle which he happily agreed to. The child seemed to disappear for a minute and then came back explaining that if we were going to entertain she should put on some pants. 1

    It’s always important to wear pants.

    They had a great time. We blocked the doorway to the family room with the sofa so the dog would leave them alone to play and then after a few minutes they came back up whispering holding stickers, and then I got attacked with stickers.

    “Sticker Bomb!” They yell as I allowed them to attack me with stickers.

    Holy, Boys are another level of activity I don’t know I could get used to. We’re more a cerebral vs athletic family so it’s different (and probably exhausting) to have a boy with so much energy.

    They went outside to play and found another friend and then our front driveway looked like it’s supposed to look like on a perfect summer night: strewn with kids and bikes.

    Eventually all good things come to an end and some had to go home to eat and others just had to go home and our little charge had to come in and get to bed because it was well past her bedtime and her mood was starting to reflect that.

    But with a few empty threats I managed to get her to bed and last I heard from her she was reading a book on butterflies.

    So, to all her friends: You’re always welcome to come over and play any time but it’s a probably a good idea to ring the bell first.

    Because you know: Pants.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

    1. She was in her nightie. First stop after camp was the tub and then PJ’s and then we take it from there. ↩

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