Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. The Bed Rule

    I’m known to bend a lot of rules here, but not this one.

    Tonight being the first day of summer with it’s extremely long nights, means one thing:

    Photo by Kam Idris on Unsplash

    The struggle for getting her to bed might have reached a new level tonight.

    How bedtime has been working around here is we do the whole nighttime routine and because it now never gets dark she putzes around in her room drawing or coloring of whatever. Fine. She eventually gets tired and goes to bed.

    But tonight, Oh tonight.

    Tonight I come out of the shower and there’s no child in her bed.

    BECAUSE SHE IS IN MY BED

    We let a lot of things slide here - at least I do, because in the big picture it really doesn’t matter if we stay up another ten minutes or go to McDonald’s once in awhile even though BW says it’s bad for us.

    Sometimes, you just have to live a little. We can behave tomorrow. There’s always tomorrow.

    In short, I’m pretty lax with the parenting: look both ways, listen to your mother and brush your teeth and we’re pretty much good - let’s go get a Happy Meal.

    Except for the Bed Rule.

    The rule is pretty simple: No sleeping in Dad’s bed. Ever

    Why? Because unless there’s a medical need there is no reason why the child should sleep with you. I know there’s some woo-woo mommy bloggers out there that encourage co-sleeping and well, good for them - they must not like to sleep.

    The child has always, always slept in her own bed. Unless, she’s sick.

    She can come into our bed in the morning and joke around and cuddle before we all get up and start the day but under no circumstances shall the child sleep in the bed.

    I’m so adamant about this because for some reason, if you let the child sleep with you just once - the child will want to do it again the next night and so on. You will be so delirious due to the lack of sleep you will agree to anything to make it stop. “Sure, you can crawl in” you say - not understanding the true meaning of your words.

    You have just given your child an 8 hour pass to steal all your covers, kick you too many times to count and have them flop over you and elbow you in places that elbows should never be. All because you caved.

    Do not cave in their ways. They will whine and plead and fake being sick but when the morning comes you will thank me that you didn’t and wake well rested instead of feeling you have been up all night partying with a monkey.

    When I found her in my bed tonight, my first thought was “oh no”. Then I called BW in to take over because I have been known to be off my guard late at night so I had to call in the reinforcements.

    BW’s no-nonsense ways put a quick end to the sleeping in our bed and she reluctantly crawled over to her bed after a bit of protest and as I write this I think/hope she’s asleep

    I feel so strongly about this that I think that all mattresses should have a warning label and it would be against the law if you cut the tag off:

    This mattress is designed for adults only. Children sleeping in the bed beside you could cause sleepless nights, bruises and overall crankiness. If irritation occurs, discontinue sleeping privileges for child and call in sick to work so you can get some sleep.

    That’s it for tonight. I’m going to bed.

    Alone.

    Until Next time,

    TH and Co.

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  2. Making a List(en) and Checking it Twice

    A lesson about lists. And Listening.

    I’ve never been one for to-do lists. As much as I’m a nerd and have tried to make tech - or even pen and paper - I just don’t have the capacity to deal with lists. I have tried every note application ever made and well…they don’t stick with me.

    Photo by Thomas Bormans on Unsplash

    The child on the other hand…LOVES LISTS

    Today’s example: It’s June-teenth today which means no school, but because our neighborhood sucks and she had no friends to play with because they are not rotting away like ours is.

    She was exhausted after running around at yesterday’s field day so we let her be on the tablet for a good part of the morning (I know, parents of the year).

    But, there is a time when it’s time to get off the tablet and clean your room.

    BW asks her to get off the table and clean her room - nothing. no response.

    BW asks again and the result is the same. I’ve been watching this mother/daughter dynamic and wondering if I want to step in here or should I just hide and let them sort it out.

    BW asks the 3rd time, and I decide I better play good cop here before the other cop loses her mind with the child.

    The first thing we do is set a timer. Timers are magic, and it’s much better for all parties to wait five minutes for the tablet watching to be done than spend it getting frustrated wondering if your child is hard of hearing or is just truly ignoring you.

    Five minutes are up, and despite a bit of pushback the tablet is pried from her tiny hands.

    Let’s call this progress. It’s not much but go with me here. Now that she is out of her tablet coma and we have her attention somewhat BW tells her to go and clean her room because it’s a disaster once again.

    Cue the whining and feet stomping and protests: “It’s too hard!”, “I’m still using the stuff on the floor, etc” Pick and excuse, and it was used.

    I suggest we make a list of everything that needs to be picked up. The child loves this idea, but with a twist. I go to help/coach with that list and she tells me she can make her own list and I am not needed.

    Great. I go drink coffee.

    About 10 minutes later, the child comes down - and with a list. I assume it’s the list with all the things that needed to picked up - stinky socks, crayons and the like.

    But no. The list read:

    1. Nothing

    And that’s it. It took me a bit to realize what she meant. At first glance, I thought this was a protest sign and she was staging her own little “no kings” protest about her bedroom chore but then she showed me her room and it was ALL CLEANED UP!!!

    The “nothing” on the list was what remained to be cleaned up. Nothing.

    Just when you think you have lost all hope, they throw you a bone just to give you a glimmer of hope you might be an okay parent after all.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  3. Go Have a Bath

    Today I was made redundant and it wasn’t due to AI.

    I thought it was going to be AI that would put us all out of work, but tonight I got fired by my six-year-old.

    Photo by Curology on Unsplash

    You see, this was the first time I just entered my request into her brain and she complied (well…) from start to finish. I guess it’s kind of like AI. I asked a command and she did it! (with a tiny bit of protest)

    She’s been able to hop in and out of the tub alone and find her towel on the back of the door and wrap herself up, dry herself off and get PJ’s on.

    That part was never the problem

    The problem was the water in the tub. She was afraid of getting the temperature too hot and burning herself so in the past, I would get the tub temp and level correct. Tonight, she did all the things herself. She filled the tub with the right amount of water and most importantly turned it off before it got too high in the tub.

    She did need a bit of coaching on how to change the temp, but I told her to just turn the dial until it’s warm. I went in to check just in case, and she had the water about the same temp as dishwater that’s been sitting overnight. Personally, I would like to have the temp a little warmer, but she’s her own person.

    The reason a bath is so important writing about is twofold: First, is I was not needed. It’s only about 10 minutes tops, but it’s ten minutes I don’t have to worry or sit and watch her anymore. This doesn’t mean I don’t listen for her and make sure there’s the obligatory singing and splashing, but at least I can tidy up a bit while she’s in the tub.

    The other reason she needed a bath was that today was field day at school. I’m not sure what exactly that entails but apparently there were four bouncy houses to play in and they watched the minecraft movie. The school year is pretty much over, I would say.

    When she came home, she was exhausted and melted down she was so tired. She ran around all day and hopped up on pizza and freezie pops (two!) and with the weather here being all hot and humid she was literally a hot mess when she hopped off the bus this afternoon.

    Even though tomorrow is a school holiday, there was no way she was going to go bath-free tonight and just go to bed.

    So she can bathe herself from start to finish now. Next week, she’ll be driving.

    Oh, the tooth fairy did show up and left four dollars because that’s how many dollars were in the coffee tin. When she woke up she found the four dollars and was a little disappointed she didn’t get five bucks. It seems the going rate is five bucks for a tooth so lesson learned. It’s a good thing there’s more tooth fairy visits coming so she can redeem herself.

    This morning over breakfast out of nowhere she blurted “I miss my little tooth”.

    It’s a good thing there’s a replacement on the way.

    Keeping it clean,

    Tidy Husband and Co.

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  4. Here Comes the Tooth Fairy

    This is assuming she ever goes to bed.

    I was home when she bounced off the bus and grinned with the widest smile ever and then I realized she lost her tooth!

    Call the Tooth Fairy!

    we celebrate the wins here with swimming and Popsicles

    It just seemed like yesterday that tooth appeared:

    And now it’s left town to make room for the big tooth coming in right behind it.

    She lost the tooth at school so they sent her home with it in a small plastic treasure chest all taped up to be extra careful. It’s really cute.

    As I write this, the tooth fairy is waiting for her to fall asleep. The tooth is ready but it’s the previous owner that’s giving us trouble tonight because it’s 3 days away from the longest day of the year.

    It’s hard to go to bed when you’re excited for the tooth fairy - especially when the days are sooooooo long. It doesn’t help that tomorrow at school is her field day where there’s going to be games and ice cream and bouncy castles and zero learning happening.

    If you see the tooth fairy, tell her we’re working on it so if she could just wait until dark that would be great.

    We’re ready and the tooth is ready….it’s just - you know, bedtime is a struggle.

    Sweet Dreams,

    TH and Co.

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  5. The Reading Light

    An attempt at tightening up the bedtime routine.

    One day, before I know it - the child will go to bed by herself. I’ll just look up from my computer and she will no longer be there and she’ll be in bed.

    That day is not here yet.

    But as an attempt to accelerate this plan and get her to stay in the bed, I found a reading light in the basement and plugged it in so she can read herself to sleep.

    I wish that this is where the story ends and I told you that she read for bit and fell asleep.

    Tonight was not the night. I am not discouraged though as there’s always hope for tomorrow night and anything I can do to encourage reading is a win in my books.

    She told me that the lamp looks like the “Disney Light”, and it took me a minute to realized it looks like the light from Pixar

    Yup, it’s time to get her off the tablet and get her recognizing books instead.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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