Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. That's Okay

    No, it’s not.

    Photo by boris misevic on Unsplash

    “Hey, Dad!, I spilled some water on the floor but That’s Okay ”

    “Hey, Dad!, I fell off my scooter without wearing a helmet but That’s Okay ”

    “Hey, Dad!, my ball rolled under your car but That’s Okay”

    “Hey, Dad!, I lied when I told you I brushed my teeth, but That’s Okay”

    “Hey, Dad!, we were late for school today because I had to go to the dentist, but…

    The last one is fine and actually IS OKAY.

    The rest? mmmmm, not really.

    The child recently has started to tell us that whatever the problem she creates, that it’s okay. Regardless of spilled water, perfume or she smashed up the car - whatever the mistake - according to her it’s all okay.

    It’s not. Tonight she got into the perfume and makeup again.

    The makeup is not big deal, but the perfume reeks. We hid it in the linen closet, but it’s her house too - so she was rooting around in there and found the perfume. She applied it liberally as per the instructions.

    When confronted and asked if she found the perfume, and used a LOT OF IT - of course the answer was:

    “But That’s Okay”

    She says it all the time I don’t think she does not ever say it. If I were a kid psychologist (which I am not) I would guess that this has something to do with boundaries or whatever - but who am I to know?

    What I do know that if you screw up and you own up to it, be it spilled water or secret perfume application or hiding the toilet paper on your mother (that happened today, BTW) then yes:

    That IS OKAY.

    Just don’t come home with a tattoo. Consider this your warning.

    We’re doing okay here. (for now)

    TH and Co.

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  2. Best Pool Ever

    It’s our only pool, and the one you are getting - but you’re welcome..

    The Pool

    Photo by Joe Calata on Unsplash

    Oh, the pool. We’ve had this thing in our basement for some time now since I was at the neighbors to collect my child and saw that they had one and I figured that we should get one too.

    We had to keep up with the Jones’s.

    We actually paid about half price for ours last fall and it’s been in the basement since.It’s a pretty good swimming pool for her size and it came with all we needed like a pump. BW bought a few gadgets for it like a thermometer and a cover over the past few months and we were golden. We had thought about making one of those DIY ones out of a stock tank but it’s above my pay grade and looks too complicated.

    This was easy. I like easy.

    When she left for school this morning she knew this was going to be pool day so when she arrived home she greeted me with a “Hi, Dad!” and then dropped her stuff in the driveway and ran to the back yard to inspect this pool we’ve been talking about forever.

    When she saw it she stopped in her tracks and turned around and told me that it was the best Pool Ever.

    She was in her bathing suit and into the pool in record time. If only she would go to bed that easy.

    This was one cold pool. I had managed to fill it up just before she got home from school so the temperature was in the 50’s but it didn’t seem to bother her one bit.

    Maybe she was just happy that it was hot enough for pool weather - whatever it was she was in there for an hour straight before we had to tell her that enough was enough and she needed to come out and eat and got to bed.

    Speaking of bedtime, tonight was not a good one. It’s still bright out at 8:30ish so when 7 pm is bedtime - it’s a hard sell and today was a very hard sell. I had to lay with her tonight until she could not fight it any more. She was tired hours ago so I don’t understand why she fights it, but whatever.

    This pool thing was not the trickiest thing I had to install, but like all the instructions lately that have a list of different screws and sticks that look exactly the same and then just diagrams of how you’re supposed to put it together.

    The manual might as well have read: You’re screwed, but maybe you’ll figure it out

    One would think the technical writers that write this stuff are afraid of words. Sometimes a picture is not worth 1000 words and today was one of them where a few more words would have been helpful getting this effing pool assembled in time before she came home from school.

    What a week it’s been this week.

    Monday, I tilled - and I hurt

    Tuesday, I sodded - and I hurt more

    Wednesday, I assembled a pool and I hurt even more. I didn’t think that this was possible.

    Thankfully, this is the last of the home improvement chores for the rest of the week at least. Maybe next week I can consider getting more done but for the next few days I am working to rule. (Oh, Hi BW. I didn’t see you standing there)

    Keeping it Cool in the Pool,

    TH and Co.

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  3. Till Death Do Us Part

    I swear, she’s trying to kill me

    You Guys!

    I have had more physical activity in the past few days than well, let’s just say some time.

    Photo by Wendy Aros-Routman on Unsplash

    But this week this has changed my mobility. From I can kind of move, to OMG it hurts to move. I guess you could call that progress.

    I have no idea how I got here.

    Wait, I know. Way, way back last fall we had plumbers come and tear up our lawn so they could replace our pipes from house to the sewer. Then they left us with 2 big mounds of dirt and despite multiple cries of “ don’t play in the dirt!” - she played in the dirt:

    Thankfully, after a entire winter and spring of “get off the dirt”!”, the plumbers sent their landscapers to flatten out the dirt and level things off. They sprinkled about a coffee cup full of grass seed down and then booked it

    It should come as no surprise then that days later there was not one blade of grass that grew. We thought about getting more seed but that gets expensive real fast and so we started to call around for some sod prices.

    watering the dirt isn’t working.

    We found a fair price, and I thought we could just lay it out on the dirt and in a couple hours we were done.

    Nope. BW tells me I have to till the dirt. Want to know how much experience I have with a tiller?

    Exactly.

    But BW found a tiller to rent at Home Depot and yesterday I went and picked it up in the morning and tilled my heart out.

    that’s good enough, I guess. I actually have no idea.

    A few things about this tilling.

    1. This thing takes gas! We have nothing, nothing that takes gas. We had to borrow a gas can from a neighbor to get gas to fill this thing.
    2. It’s noisy. I had ear protection, but still.
    3. Our dirt sucks so it only tilled a few inches deep but it’s better than nothing.
    4. You till pulling backwards and it vibrates so much you till until til you can’t till no more and can’t feel your hands.

    It only took me a few hours to till the spots and although we rented it for the day we actually got a credit upon return so the total cost was $45.00 with gas to use this thing.

    Surprisingly, this thing folds up and I was able to return it in my small little Chevy Bolt.

    This morning, the sod shows up: Crap. Now I have to install it.

    Sod Laying Pro Tip: The green side faces up.

    Both BW and I had the thought: Is that going to be enough? When we ordered it we had in our minds that it would be double the amount at least.

    Turns out it was enough. We could use another 4 rolls if we were really picky but we’ll see how this batch blends in. We can always get some more later if need be.

    I’m not a professional landscaper, but we now have grass on the front lawn instead of mud and dirt. BW likes this fact.

    ta-da!

    Now comes the task of trying to keep it alive. We’re doing our best with the watering for now so here’s hoping that this all turns into one of those lawns you see in the magazines.

    This is very doubtful but at least we don’t have a pile of mud in the front lawn.

    We still had to tell the child to stay off the sod, so in a way nothing’s really changed, other than BW is happy with her front lawn.

    And as we all know too well here: A happy wife is a happy life.

    The rest is just details.

    Remember: Hug your Landscaper.

    TH and Co.

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  4. What the Kudzu are You Talking About?

    It happened. The Child is smarter than we are.

    Everybody put up a hand that knows what Kudzu is?

    Nobody?

    Photo by James Bold on Unsplash

    We didn’t know either, so don’t feel bad.

    This conversation was at the dinner table: Last night on the way home from the hospital there was an old Victorian building that was covered in vines - just like the one in the photo.

    I mentioned it to her as we drove by and she replied:

    “Oh, it’s covered in Kudzu”

    I asked what the heck Kudzu is and she told me that it’s the stuff on the walls. I kind of ignored her as we’ve had a long day (to say the least) and I figured she was delirious or just being six - or both.

    Well.

    The topic came back up tonight about the vines while we were at the dinner table and after her telling us once again about this kudzu, we did what any older gen X couple would do:

    We asked Google

    Turns out, the smartest one in the family is right: There really IS Kudzu:

    Here’s the Wikipedia description

    Kudzu (/ˈkuːdzu, ˈkʊd-, ˈkʌd-/), also called Japanese arrowroot or Chinese arrowroot,[1] [2] is a group of climbing, coiling, and trailing deciduous perennial vines native to much of East Asia, Southeast Asia, and some Pacific islands.[2] It is invasive in many parts of the world, primarily North America.

    Who Knew? She’s smart - that we knew. But Kudzu?

    When I asked her how you might spell this word we thought she made up - she replied: “I don’t know - sound it out”

    So, I did. And I learned a new word today: Kudzu.

    When we asked her where the heck did you learn about Kudzu? She told us school.

    SCHOOL? You’re in kindergarten!!

    You’re supposed to reading Dr. Seuss, not learning about Kudzu.

    So yeah, Kudzu.

    Also, she stayed home from school today and we decided to get some ice cream because if you’re smart, but awfully clumsy - you get ice cream.

    Soft Serve, of course.

    Yes, she’s out in public in her PJ’s. It was that kind of day here.

    Until next time,

    TH and Co.

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  5. Meet Me at the Children's Hospital

    The sentence that is every parent’s biggest fear.

    I was almost finished my shift uber-ing when I get the call:

    It’s BW: The child has had an accident and they are off to the children’s hospital.

    I couldn’t really talk because I had somebody in the back seat, and I was 1/4 mile down the road from the drop off so I got the passenger delivered and then called BW back to find out what was going on

    They had just got home from a birthday party and BW went inside, and the child stayed outside to play on her scooter.

    And apparently seconds later: screaming. And blood. Lots of blood. She had fallen off the scooter and face planted teeth first onto the driveway.

    BW made the decision to take her to the children’s hospital

    I boogie it to the hospital. I may have broken a few traffic laws to get there ASAP.

    We get triaged, and they have a cursory look and yup, there’s a loose front tooth.

    Crap.

    Motrin is prescribed and given. She’s not in too much pain, so that’s good.

    Then we get to see an actual doctor who has a look and then calls the dentist on call.

    The doc comes back and takes a photo with her personal phone to send to the dentist at home. I’m no lawyer but I am sure there’s a few HIPAA laws broken there, but whatever.

    BW and I take turns going to the Panera to get some dinner without her seeing. (it’s a fancy hospital) and when it’s my turn they are upstairs in the X-Ray and seeing the dentist.

    The result?

    Yes, the tooth is loose. It’s also fractured.

    But…

    Apparently it was fractured before. How or when we have no idea, but she did fall on her face when she was a toddler where we ended up at the hospital, but we would have noticed a loose tooth. We’ve been to the dentist with her multiple times and they haven’t said anything either.

    The decision was made to leave well enough alone and hope there’s new bone growth to support the new fracture as there’s already been bone growth for the missed fracture so we are hoping for a repeat performance.

    We go to the dentist on Friday anyway, and they may decide to pull it. We don’t know yet. But as it stands now she left with the same amount of teeth she went in with and that’s a good thing.

    The Good news? When you bonk your teeth you get a lemon popsicle on the way out.

    Speaking of Popsicles - she’s on a soft foods diet for 2 weeks and of course, no more scooter or bikes or rough play also for a few weeks.

    There’s a very good possibility her ice cream intake might go up for the next 2 weeks, and that’s not being contested at all by the child.

    Huh.

    Hopefully in a few weeks the tooth will have repaired itself for the most part and she can get finished school and have an accident free summer like we are planning on.

    Mesmerized by Disney on the TV.

    Please, no more hospital visits.

    They are too scary for Dads (and Moms too).

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