That Time I Went to Argentina and Lost My Mind and Almost Ended Up Staying There

It had been a decade of protest.

As those who have known me can attest, "adventure" is not what I am particularly known for. I'm more of a stay inside and drink coffee and surf the internet kind of guy. Also, I like cables.

Anyway, it came to everybody's shock when I finally agreed to go to Argentina. One of my many stumbling blocks in going earlier was the cost. Airplane rides aren't cheap. I found my mother-in-law was paying and voila! problem solved and I'm off to Argentina.

I wasn't sure what to expect except that it would be summer (which would be nice) and that there were cows. I saw 3 cows. For a country that's known for their cow count I was not impressed.

I really didn't even know where we were going, who we were seeing or where we were staying. I was a small frog in a big pond at the mercy of my wife, child and mother-in-law. This was all unknown territory

I did know that this was to be a big family get together and birthday party for the now five year old but other that that I was clueless. I did hope for some steak though - even with the lack of cows.

I won't bother you with every photo I took or place I visited, but I have to tell you that I must have lost my mind because when there it's like my brain disconnected and I did things that were not my usual

What Happens in Argentina..

Item number 1:

I went swimming. Well..not really swimming. But I was wet in a pool - so close enough. I actually tried to swim and that didn't work out so well so I stayed in the shallow end with the little one.. In fact, I blame her as she said to me "you have to be brave, Dad" and you can't really argue with that. So ya, I swam. Kind Of.

Item Number 2:

This is where it gets really, really out of character for me: I drank. Wine. On more than one occasion: The first time we went to a wine tour and we were early so they gave us about an inch of wine in a glass. "What the hell" I thought as I let the evil spirit touch my lips for the first time in close to 30 years.

I'm not sure I would have agreed to this had I known the outcome, but BW wanted to go to a fancy restaurant while we were in Argentina with the built-in babysitter. We never go out as a couple anymore because- so that was nice. We get there, and I realize it's a winery. How bad could it be?

Ha! She picked some 5 star Michelin restaurant and told me we were going and that was pretty much the end of the discussion. Happy Wife, Happy Life.

We took an Uber to the restaurant and the Uber driver couldn't find it so that was fun driving around in a long sleeve pants and shirt with the windows down on a dusty road in a small little Fiat. Amazingly, we get to the place unscathed. Oh, Ubers are bit cheaper there. I think the ride cost like 2 bucks.

We sit down and in front of me are not 1, but six empty wine glasses. "I will just have them taken away" I thought as I sat down. It was only when I was seated that six glasses of wine were included in the meal.

Up to the table comes the somellier and says that he will be zee waiter today and will be presenting zee wine to accompany your meal. I thought okay - maybe I can do this. What the heck, I was on holiday..

I made it about halfway through glass number 1 and knew I was in over my head. (as an aside, BW had no problems with the booze that I could see) For the other five glasses I knew I was in trouble and had about half a glass of each, at best. Near the end of the meal by the time dessert comes and I am gone. I'm not sure I knew who I was anymore, but we somehow made it back to the house we were renting and a few hours later after sleeping it off I felt fine.

I have to say that I didn't really enjoy the drinking. I didn't like the loss of control of my brain all that much and I doubt I will doing that again any time soon. But it was a nice meal with the boss without 5 year-olds tossing food in the air or humming while they eat - so there's that.

The meal itself was "nice". You know, it's 7 courses, but you could fit all courses in one plate if you tried. The first course was 3 small balls of watermelon with some fancy salt. The food was fine - and cheap.!We wouldn't be able to afford a bougie place like that back home. Our bill, with 6 glasses of wine each was under $200.

Then the main event: the birthday party

This was a pretty big to-do, and the six months of planning made it all worthwhile. I couldn't speak a lick of spanish, but I could see that everybody was having a good time so I just sung along - even if I couldn't undertand the lyrics.

There was live music, over 50 people, and of course the best part would be the bouncy house. Any birthday that includes a bouncy castle is a good party.

They even hired a guy to cook the all the meat

The party was a blast and we all had a great time ringing in the 5th birthday. The actual party was a few days before and so when it was actually time for her birthday she was in denial. "She already had her party" she told me so she was good.

She didn't mind the birthday cake for breakfast, even if it wasn't her birthday:

So with this big birthday party behind us, we had five days to relax at the "campo" with the swimming pool before we go home..

Then the Door Fell Off The Airplane

Funny story: we get off the airplane in Panama for our layover on the way there and all over the news is about a plane where the doors flew off. I asked BW - "Hey, weren't we on a plane just like that hours ago?". Yes, we were.

Huh. Oh well.. We didn't think much of it and went back to enjoying summertime weather in January and 5 year-old's birthday parties.

Until... we get this email.

Dear United Airlines..

You suck.

We are literally stranded in Argentina with no way to get home.

We call United. Of course they are useless and the best they could do was to reschedule our flight for Feb 7! I would still be in Argentina right now if I left things up to United Airlines. We booked the flight in June 2023.

The problem was BW had a job to back to whereas the world won't stop turning if I don't drive an Uber for another week and the kiddo is in Pre-K so it's not like she's missing much.

The solution we came up with was that BW had to leave and make it back to work on time so the only solution was for her to fly from Buenos Aires. Trouble is, she was in Cordoba. Want to know what's between the 2 cities? An 8 hour bus ride.

After the bus ride, she still had hours and hours on new expensive flights because United sucks.

The wee one and I ended up staying at the "campo" for another 5 days with the MIL taking good care of us. Heck, she even cleaned the pool:

The pumpkin and I "coped" for 5 more days with a pool and 90 degree sunny weather and great food:

Oh. But it gets better:

There was a general strike in Argentina starting just while BW was getting off the bus. So with hours to spare we found somebody that "knew a guy" that would get her to the Airport safely before the shit went sideways.

As it turns out, all we know is shit of the sideways kind and I get a text message from BW when she lands in Miami on the way home to Buffalo.

This asthma is a strange thing. We've yet to find a rhyme or reason for the source or triggers but apparently flying to Miami is not good for her breathing and seeing as how breathing is kind of important we won't be doing any more flying for a while.

3 days later she's released from the hospital after getting stabilized to get home because she still has that job she was rushing to get back to - but now she's 3 days late. There was a time when we thought the pumpkin and I would be back home before she was. It was not a good scene.

Meanwhile at the "campo", the pumpkin and I are "coping" with the sun and steak and watching somebody else clean the pool for our next swim. There really wasn't much we could do from Argentina for BW other than call her on whatsapp as she was good hands in the hospital. She's had so many trips to the hospital for her asthma it's not funny any more.

Wait. There's More..

For those with normal luck, BW would get released from the hospital, get on the next plane, take an Uber home and collapse in bed. End of story.

But her story was different:

She gets to the Airport, and she's put on the first standby to Chicago. So far so good.

The wait isn't too bad and she gets on the plane. Then while she's sitting in the plane they keep on delaying her departure. Until... they tell her to get off the plane she just got on.

She gets sent to a hotel for a few hours. In the morning she gets on another plane in Chicago and finds out that the airline has no crew to fly this plane.

Yup. No Crew. So she sat some more and then about 2 hours sitting in a non-moving airplane the airline finally found a crew to fly the freaking thing. You couldn't make this up.

Finally, she's home in the bed and her Dad drives up to keep an eye on her breathing because you shouldn't be alone in a house when you have trouble breath and that's what Dads are supposed to do - take care of their daughters.

Speaking of Dads and Daughters..

The day finally arrives where we get on the plane and our trip is a lot less eventful. I hadn't really planned it but most of our flying took place overnight so she slept and so did I.

There was a bit of language barrier at the airport in Argentina but with some smiles and hand waving we figured it out.

There was a bit of screaming when we descended into Buffalo due to the popping ears and that's understandable. Heck, I hate the ear thing too.

We were picked up by Grandpa at the airport and he takes us home. By the time we get home the pumpkin is so tired she's speaking in tongues. She gets in the door and goes straight up to her bedroom and puts herself to bed where she slept and didn't move for four hours. She was so tired.

Surprisingly, the transition to regular life was pretty easy. She was up until midnight almost every night in Argentina, but now that we're back in Buffalo she's busy at school again and I had her in bed and asleep by 7pm tonight. I'm super Dad. :)

Now we're back we now have to sort how we're going to get a refund from United Airlines because I'm not losing this fight. I want a refund for this shit show. When I booked the plane I assumed that doors would not fall off and we would not be stuck in Argentina for five days and BW wouldn't have to go through all that to get home.

Let Me Bore You With My Travel Photos

Despite all the unplanned things that happened on this trip all of us had a really good time and we actually relaxed (until we tried to get back) and had a great time.

Thank you to the pool lady for all your hard work with organizing this. It's going to be hard not to have steak every day. And don't get me started on the wine.

Safe Travels,

Tidy Husband and Co.