Tidy Husband

How Trim Your Child's Toenails

May 4, 2025
Tools Needed: Trimmers, Patience and More Patience.

“We have to trim her toe nails”, BW tells me.

Don’t be fooled by these cute little toes. They can get nasty later.

I would rather trim the dog’s toenails, or maybe a wolf or even a hyena - I am pretty sure it would be easier than getting the toes on the child to a reasonable length

In fact, maybe you don’t even need to read this post as you’ve already heard all the screaming from here.

I don’t know what it is, but the child hates hates and hates getting her toenails trimmed.

Let me get this out of the way: She has never been cut accidentally when trimming her toes. She has no reason to fear this or scream and kick as much as she does.

BW has been the official toenail trimmer from the very beginning. As for me, I’m there for getting the straight jacket on the child before we start and to throw sweets at her from time to time.

Here’s how it all goes down:
1. It is announced that this is toenail day after dinner before bed.
2. Child hides in the furthest corner of the house and claims to be overwhelmed by fear.
3. Idle threats are used and the child reluctantly sits on the living room couch where the trimming is to happen.
4. Child refuses to present feet to BW for trimming.
5. BW is at one end by the feet, and I’m up by the head. The fun begins as we try to restrain the kicking and screaming demon that has taken over our child - all because of trimming toenails that when done properly (which they are - BW’s a pro) does not hurt a bit.
6. More threats.
7. More screaming
8. Treats are offered
9. More screaming
10. More screaming.
11. BW starts to cut toe number 1.
12. More screaming
13. BW has not even touched toe number 1
14. More screaming.
15. Kicking added for effect.
16. Child told to not kick. Or else.
17. We are not sure what the “or else” is
18. More screaming
19. Toe 2 gets started.
20. More Screaming
21. I wish for a fast death about here.
22. More screaming
23. 2 down, 8 to go…
24. More screaming.
25. More screaming
26. More screaming
27. Finally. 10 piggies trimmed.
As a reward (for what, I am not sure) she gets a Peep.

Because we reinforce screaming and kicking with sugar. Don’t judge us.

BW and I want something stronger than sugar. We’re thinking XANAX for two.

For those that think of babies and how cute they are with their little toes remember that one day those cute toes will need to be trimmed and the experience will take years off your life.

Years, I tell you.

Years.

The ONE and only ONE pro about this evening’s activity is she went right to bed and fell asleep instantly because screaming for an hour straight can wear a little girl out.

Sweet Dreams,

TH and Co.
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How to Start Writing Every Day

May 3, 2025

The starting part is easy. It’s the other days that hurt.

I could write another story about bedtime - it’s currently not going well and it’s been written about before at least once, so that’s out. Nothing has changed here - I say go to bed and she ignores me.

Repeat daily.

Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash

I could write a story about what we did today - but it was not much, a quiet and rainy day here. It’s amazing we all managed to get out of PJ’s today - it’s been that kind of day

At this exact moment in time, I have no idea what to write about.

Some writers have charts, and diagrams and a system to figure out what to write.

There is no system here. I don’t hustle, I don’t get up early to write. I live my day and then decide if there’s something - anything to write about. Surely my life could not be that boring that I don’t have one thought in this head of mine….

I find that once I get started - I usually find something to write about - and today, it’s about finding your MOJO.

My daughter has MOJO. Too much MOJO. Her MOJO has MOJO.

Today she came downstairs with a huge piece of paper with the large letter E in the middle with 2 stars on each side.

“It’s my new flag for my new country.”, she states with confidence.

“Oh, are you accepting immigrants?”, I ask.

“Yes”, she says.

We decide to name the country “MOJO”

And then I get to thinking - how come it is so easy for her to make an entire effing country up and I can’t find any topic to write about and stare at this cursor like it’s going to save my life?

I do not know the answer to this question,.

Today she has designed a country - complete with a flag, made a to-list of stuff she has to do tomorrow, filmed a entire commercial for baby shampoo while in the tub and then re-enacted Christmas 2024 in our living room.

Oh! and then she cleaned up the family room all by herself.

And just like that, today’s post starts to take some shape:

This folks is the story of the day. If it were the headline it would read:

CHILD CLEANS ROOM BY HERSELF WITHOUT BEING ASKED

Fluoride in water might be the problem. Feds investigating.

I could not believe my ears. I heard it first but when I went to check on what the sound was, she was wearing a Buffalo Bills Hat and on top of that was a headband of witches legs leftover from a Halloween costume.

Hey, whatever works, yes?

I have learned to not interrupt whatever the heck was going on, but she had decided that it was too messy even for her and enough was enough - she just had to get dressed for occasion to get in the right frame of mind.

To circle back to writing: Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s hard but it’s important to push those buttons on the keyboard daily if you want to write daily. That’s the important thing.

What you write about will come to you.

Today it’s about witches headbands and clean(ish) family rooms.

Tomorrow? I have no idea.

Yet.

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Not a Peep

May 2, 2025

Please, Please, Please: Go to Bed

It was early evening so I knew “goodnight” wasn’t really goodnight and that it was a pipe dream on my end and more like a prelude to more futzing around in her bedroom before the real sleep happened. It’s a Saturday night so we can be a bit more loose with bedtimes here tonight, but still - a child in bed at a good time is like winning the lottery here.

the aftermath

I was right. There was no instant goodnight.

I tell you, the person who invents the trick to get your kid to go to bed without multiple attempts will make Elon look like a pauper.

But tonight before bed there was coloring, sticker-ing and many other “ings” happening before she was really ready to go to bed. I’m not sure what exactly she was doing in there but she was in the bedroom at least so I’m calling that a win.

One of the thin that she had made was a nest. Every squishmallow had been dressed in a clean t-shirt, because we do laundry for the heck of it here. She had the props and was almost ready to tuck in for the night, and I had just opened up my laptop when:

She came down and asked for a pet peep.

“A what?, I asked”.

“You know, a peep ”, she said.

How about no? I replied.

Awww…

A few weeks back about Easter the class was given a peep marshmallow candy to play with for a pet for the day and then bring it home with this. I have questions about the schools curriculum on this but whatever.

She came home with this thing from school where it aged like old milk on the kitchen table, and the last time I found it - it was in a leftover plastic egg from easter.

It was time to say goodbye to the peep.

I had thought she had forgotten all about the peep.

She had not forgotten about the peep.

“Maybe Tomorrow”, I told her.

But maybe not. This kid could use a bit of sugar detox between all the Easter candy and lollipops for haircuts. A no sugar day would not be a bad thing.

I get her tucked into her peep-less nest and get all the squishmallows the right way because she’s a control freak and I close the door and say goodnight for umpteenth time.

I fire up the laptop once again and I’m just at the first paragraph when I hear it:

The slow squeak of the bedroom door.

She’s out. Again.

“Now what?, I ask”, with just a bit of exasperation.

“I don’t want to sleep in the nest. It’s too scary”.

OKAY THEN.

Back up the stairs I go and we de-nest and de-clothe the squishmallows and get them sorted out and I get her tucked in with her animals.

As I try and dodge the slightly worn t-shirts and papers and crayons and all the other flotsam and jetsam on the floor, I hear:

“Dad?”

“Yeeeeeess……?” I reply - while also wondering how the heck Peeps became the topic of my Saturday nights.

“Don’t forget about the Peep tomorrow”

“I won’t Pumpkin”, I reply.

“Now go to bed. I don’t want to hear a Peep ”

We Have That at Home

Tonight’s WHTAH is of course, Peeps!

I don’t recall having these things when I was a kid. It could be a cultural Canada/USA thing or it could be that my parents were cheap or didn’t have a good dental plan for us.

Whatever the reason, I’m pretty sure these didn’t exist in our day. But, I could be wrong.

What I do suggest is that if you do decide to buy them do not keep them as pets. They make lousy pets - their bodies shrink over time and they get harder and harder as they age.

There’s no such thing as a well-age Peep. If you must Peep, Peep responsibly.

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How To Get a Haircut for your Child

May 1, 2025
You will need patience. And lollipops. Lots of lolly’s

BW warned me it was my turn:

I had to take the child for a haircut.

Photo by Guilherme Petri on Unsplash

I would rather take the child to swimming lessons, soccer and almost… for a flu shot.

At least with a flu shot you know you’re in for some screaming beause needles hurt.

With a haircut, there is no reason for fear. Cutting hair doesn’t hurt. You sit there and you have somebody that knows how to do this well, and quickly(this part is very important)

Dad can do a lot of things, but cutting hair isn’t one of them. We happily pay pros to do things we can’t and getting a haircut for the ladies is one of them. ¹

To be fair, over the years the “child getting a haircut” has gotten easier. In the past we went to one of those kid haircut places in the mall where the employees would change faster than well…fast.

The child is sensitive to some things and one of those things is hair. She has short hair because she can’t even imagine having long hair and combing it. We tried the long hair thing, but it didn’t go well and it was a fight to get her to comb her hair.

Okay then, short hair it is.

Even though we are at short hair it still needs a cut so she can see out from under those bangs and because we have the issue with sensitivity taking the child to get a haircut is plainly no fun.

Our hairstylist is pretty much family at this point. She’s been great and patient with the child and her fidgeting and the like. She’s got the system down with towels and promises of candy when finished but then we realized we were missing the essential piece of the puzzle:

Give her the candy first.

You guys, this is a game changer!

We planned it out this morning and she decided that a Tootsie pop would be the best way to keep distracted and OMG you guys does this work!

She worked on a lollipop like the current administration with a new executive order. She licked and licked and licked until there was no pop and just tootsie.

This kept her so busy that she didn’t even know she was having a haircut. All she had to do was to look down and lick for about ten seconds and the worst of the cut was over.

It was magical.

One thing I did want to note though was the lollipop management. As you can imagine a dropped lollipop in a hair salon would soon become a very hairy lollypop and then you would be looking for a new lollipop and we were testing fate here and traveled light with just one lolly.

The trick was this: when there was to be any hair flying or falling in the lollipop zone the solution was to have her keep it in her mouth for a second.

She is okay with any command that basically tells her to stick candy in her mouth.

With lollipops, our haircut troubles and tensions are going to be behind us.

Her dentist on the other hand….

We Have That at Home

Today’s WHTAH is of course, tootsie pops

We never have tootsie pops in the house and the only reason we have these at all is because of Easter. In fact, come Monday when everybody is back at school the Easter basket leftovers might um, disappear - or at very least get edited some because there’s no way she needs all this candy in the house.

BW especially is anti-lollipop and I am more of eh, YOLO - just be sure to brush afterwards.

I think the tootsie is more harmful for the teeth than the pop but then I’m not a scientist in the dental field so I wouldn’t know for sure.

These things are priced at about 50 cents a pop in bulk.
1. My hair situation is beyond being fixed with “just a trim” ↩
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How I made $15.85 on Substack in 30 Days and You Can Too.

April 30, 2025
It’s said you can make a living writing on Substack. I’m doubtful.

It’s been 30 days here on Substack after where switching from Ghost and I think that so far it’s been working. I liked Ghost and I believe that they are in some ways better - but you’re on your own with Ghost. There’s no way to meet others and that’s what is great here. I have already enjoyed a few writers here and read more and more everyday.

Photo by Josh Appel on Unsplash | This is a more reasonable expectation of earnings

Anyhoo..The numbers speak for themselves:

The numbers are not over the top by any stretch, but I am calling an income of any kind from my writing a win. I found 23 subscribers over the course of the month so for my very first month I am happy with the results.

Am I a Substack guru yet? No. Not even close. In fact, I don’t think I want to be one. I just want to write and have fun. Would it be great to have an income of six-figures?

Sure.

I doubt it will happen though.

These claims of making a living from writing a newsletter by having just 1000 paid subscribers seem over the top. Assuming I need to have 10,000 total subscribers 1 to get there - this all seems rather - well impossible.

I have almost doubled my subscriber count. I started with about 25 or so. So let’s for the sake of argument say I managed to get one new subscriber to my newsletter daily

That’s 365 subscribers per year. The math works out to 27 years from now, if I want to “make a living” writing with this newsletter.

This does not sound possible. At all.

The first thing to consider is my age: 27 years from now I will be 86. 86! I may not even be here at that age. And even if I do make it - I wonder if I will be ABLE to write.

In short, there’s a deadline here. It could be literal.

Then you have to figure inflation. I’m not in charge of the Fed and math is hard but I am going to guess that things will cost more in 27 years. The 5k a month number that gets bandied about here seems even more out of reach because by then the tariffs will have ruined everything and we’ll need six figures a day to survive.

Barbie will be expensive by then, that’s for sure - even if we can afford two of them (don’t forget about Ken!)

I don’t think this is at all possible. There’s many factors at play here: the age, the money - all of it. This is my mission impossible.

But.

There’s always a but.

I’m going to try. I mean heck, why not? This is my 251st post here.

Two Hundred and Fifty-One!

Back on the first day of school or so:

I wrote about how she was ready to start school.

And then the next day I wrote something else, and then I figured if I had two days in a row then I may try again for a third…and now I am at day 251 days of writing since early September

Assuming the fifteen bucks or so I made is the total to date (it is) and it takes me an hour to write this because I never paid attention in typing class (both are true) I have made five cents an hour writing this year to date.

That’s it. You’ve read it here first folks: I am a paid an published writer!

I am so excited! I make a nickel an hour. Five cents!

How I Made all The Money

I have two sources for this wild and crazy ride:
1. Subscriptions. All friends and family. They got the family rate at two bucks a month so that’s six dollars a month.
2. Amazon. I get a small percentage if you click a link I place here and there. When you click it and then you buy something I get a small percentage. Last month somebody bought a Roomba. I got 9 bucks and change.
That brings us to the princely sum of $15.85.

Not much, but it’s a start.

Now, the next question I have is: If I ask the universe to bring me all the monies, how long would it take for me to actually make the five grand a month that seems to be the number tossed around here.?

1 year?

2 Years?

TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS!!??

I read here that this writer was interviewed by the folks at Substack recently and in the interview stated that she has 1800 free subscribers and something like 38 paid. I mean almost 40x5 = $200 a month. That’s great! But it’s a far cry from 5 grand.

All these gurus on here seem to make it seem so easy. Just find your niche, they say. Oh, wait - don’t find your niche - be everything to everyone.

If you buy their money machine masterclass it will all work out - just $497.00 for a limited time!

Time? That I’ve got.

I don’t have the $497.00 so I guess I will just keep writing.

Here’s to 27 more great years.

PS> I would love to hear from anybody that’s actually making money here legitimately and how they got there. It would be great to hear how you went about it.
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