Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Mother's Day Plans

    Why go out for brunch when we have peanut butter sandwiches at home?

    Some families go for brunch on Mother’s Day.

    Photo by Davey Gravy on Unsplash

    We are not that family.

    We can’t afford that. Both fiscally and emotionally. I mean really: do you want to wait in line at Denny’s for some half-assed breakfast?

    We can have half-assed breakfasts at home.

    But I have to tell you guys: We. Are. Ready for Mother’s Day this year.

    In fact, this might just be peak Mother’s Day.

    How does one get ready for mother’s day?

    Mom: She has it easy. She goes to bed and wakes up to at very least a cup of coffee in bed - no toast though. Toast leaves crumbs and crumbs are itchy.

    Daughter: This holiday (if you could call it that) she is ready. More than ready actually. Of course we have flowers for Mom at the ready for tomorrow am and the child is ready with the mother’s day card that was made at school. She also painted her nails tonight before she went to bed and then made a back-up card from some paper and crayons - just in case - it’s always good to have backups.

    The child also has the day planned out: She is going to wake up really, really early (yay me) and put on makeup - because one has to be made up to celebrate. Then the plan is to have her whisper in my ear that she’s ready and we should sneak downstairs and get the coffee and gifts ready.

    Once the cards and gifts have been given the plan is to go on a picnic at the ocean. (the ocean is really the Niagara river at Buckhorn Island State Park) and she has it all planned out: we are to bring a blanket and some peanut butter sandwiches and apples and maybe some drinks and a dessert. Don’t forget the dessert.

    Thankfully the weather should be somewhat accommodating tomorrow so this should not be too bad. It’s a good activity to walk about a 1/4 mile each way. It’s about an hour for us to walk to and fro along the trail and that’s all anybody is good for.

    After that mother’s day will probably be pretty much over. Mom might have a nap, and the child will probably on the couch watching the tablet and then it’s Sunday night and bedtime and Mom’s big day is over.

    Me? I will be making peanut butter sandwiches, making sure nobody comes home with ticks and we’re all in bed a good time because tomorrow is a school day.

    Oh! We bought Mom a plant. It’s a nice plant. Much nicer than brunch at Denny’s

    Until next time,

    TH and Co.

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  2. Wife Day

    There’s room this weekend for 2 holidays.

    Mothers get all the credit this weekend.

    Photo by Meng He on Unsplash. All you’ve got is a bouquet?

    And, deserved - well deserved. Moms do all the heavy lifting. Literally.

    But what about those that can’t have children? Those of us that desperately want to have a child but can’t.

    That was us.

    We failed so often at IVF I thought the “F” stood for a failed pregnancy. It sucked.

    It sucked hard. Real Hard.

    Understandably when you want to be a mother with all your heart and then every year you’re reminded of the fact that you’re not - this can be especially hard when our social feeds are full of mothers day flowers and bad memes all weekend.

    So.

    Many years ago on the way home from work on the day before Mother’s Day I decided to stop on the way home and pick up a bouquet or some pastry or something. I forget what the actual thing was- it doesn’t matter.

    What mattered is that I thought of her and her feelings and tried to do my best to make her a bit happier when it was a sad time of year for her. That’s it.

    You should have seen the smile on her face. It was priceless.

    And every year since, we celebrate wife day here on the day before mother’s day. Because every wife needs recognition (at least) one day a year, and the day before is good because you can usually get a 2 for 1 deal on flowers if you’re lucky.:)

    I love you BW,

    Until next time,

    TH and Co.

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  3. Pink Dog Bowls and Sunbathing

    Quite the combo.

    Hello! A few things tonight:

    Photo by Mathew Coulton on Unsplash

    First

    A bubbles update: I missed this, but as soon as she got off the bus after school - she was gone to her friends house down the street to play - and to show him how well the bubbles work. She ran up the street with her super-duper bubble wan d in hand and could not wait to demonstrate how well they worked! These bubbles are now the talk of the neighborhood (not really)

    Second

    And this is how life usually works:

    I call this the idea vs the reality.

    As an example: I have the idea that I am going to be a famous writer with thousands of fans and I will be rich in days. At least that’s the the gurus tell you here, all you have to do is buy their masterclass at only $497.00 and embrace the hustle.

    The reality is: I am neither of those things

    Anyway,

    Today’s idea vs reality is about dog bowls. Yes, dog bowls.

    Up until now we’ve been using whatever plastic bowl we have for food - and for a water bowl: we just leave the seat up.

    It’s been working for us. Don’t judge us.

    BW, bless her heart - thought that maybe we could have just a bit of decorum in this house and make it a better place. A place where nobody drinks out of a toilet. I think this is a good idea and a standard that’s low enough that we can all aspire to.

    If it were me, I would go on Amazon and search for cheapest dog bowls and find a set for under 10 bucks and call it a day.

    Not BW. She decided to buy fancy pants dog bowls - bourgeois bowls - for the dog. These things are about the same as those YETI drinking bottles and priced about the same: too pricey for what they are.

    I usually know better to ask “how much”? because ignorance is bliss, but somehow I learned that one dog bowl was $35! She bought one at first and then she put the food in the same old random bowl we had kicking around, which I thought was kind of silly.

    It was my suggestion that if you’re in this deep with these bowls, you might as well buy another one and then we can have nice bowls for the dog that she will love and feel appreciated.

    Neither of these things happened.

    When I was washing the dishes tonight I looked out to the backyard and saw the dog ear deep in a hole that she dug. Her entire head was in the hole. What was she doing?

    Drinking water.

    Of course.

    We now have what I hope will be the one and only dog bowl set for the remainder of her life, so there’s that I guess.

    Third:

    After dinner the child wanted me to go out and blow bubbles. It was cool here and getting cooler so I said, nope - not happening. I had some tidying to do, but I told her if she wanted to she could go out and play by herself because that’s what I used to do.

    I told her she needed a jacket, so she grabbed her winter jacket and out she went.

    She found a stick and took her foam rocket with her and was in her own head for almost an hour, but not before doffing the coat about 10 minutes later.

    It’s time to come in, and she’s laying on the ground by this point because she’s so tired. We call her in and there’s protesting of course and she refuses.

    “I’m sunbathing”, she tells us.

    There’s no sun left almost. The shadows are long and my patience is getting short.

    Get inside my little friend - you’re not sunbathing - you’re falling asleep and that means it’s time for bed.

    I thought it was going to be a struggle but bedtime was relatively easy tonight.

    It must be all that fresh air and fresh water.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  4. They Can't All Be Winners

    A story about winning and losing some. Also: Bubbles.

    I noticed that my post yesterday was a dud with about 30 views. That’s about 25 percent less than others have had - a drop in the bucket compared to others on this platform but still it can be disappointing to see the numbers go down.

    The goal is to have growth and not go backwards.

    One more lap and then it’s bedtime. I won in the end.

    I have to remind myself that it’s not a race - this newfangled writing hobby that I’ve cornered myself into and they all can’t be winners. Every day can’t be a sunny day so to have a cloudy post here and there is normal.

    I saw a quote somewhere today about a bunch of popular authors having written more than a few duds, but nobody hears about those - just the best sellers.

    I also have a lot of time to make a go of this. This is really the beginning as I wrote the other day. I have some time to make a living with my words and my last calculations show that it will only take 27 years to do so.

    I have some time.

    So, here we are. I plod away and write about writing because that’s never been done before.

    Enough about the writing.

    Let’s write about bedtime because that seems to be the one and only topic I write about here anyway so we might as well continue one more day.

    Today was a lesson in “put down your phone”. There’s always a distraction and I don’t subscribe to the big social networks yet I still find something to read and get distracted with. It’s a problem

    Today I stopped and put the devices away and smelled all the roses (and mud) and we went outside and played with bubbles. I’m not a big fan of bubble blowing because who wants to come inside all covered in bubble sludge? But I’m dad of the year so that’s what I did. Also, no friends were available. I would have outsourced it if I could.

    But, it was magical.

    One must be dressed for bubbles: Boots, shorts and shirt on backwards. It’s the only way to fly…

    Usually these little bubble wands are pretty much useless and those bubble machines they make all die after about twenty minutes but this set was from the Easter bunny and the little furry friend came though this year with these bubble wands.

    They were awesome

    These bubbles were so easy to make. With a bit of a breeze all I had to do was hold the wand and and stand there and the bubbles made themselves. And you would think that she never saw a bubble before in her life. She was screaming with joy and trying to catch every one which of course, was impossible.

    I had thought that in the age of the app, analog entertainment like bubble blowing - which is pretty much as simple entertainment as it gets would be so popular still at the ripe old age of six.

    Who knew? Maybe the novelty was that these bubbles, unlike a lot of bubbles actually didn’t suck.

    These bubbles were also exceptionally sturdy bubbles as they would float up and over the house and would still be flying over the house. Here’s hoping they make it to a starlink satellite and gum the works up.

    So. Bubbles.

    Bubbles for the Win.

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  5. How to Hang a Picture

    It takes two.

    Photo by Mateus Campos Felipe on Unsplash

    It should be pretty easy to hang a picture on a wall, yes?

    I mean you shouldn’t even need to go to YouTube University to figure out how.

    You have options for sure, like command strips or some fancy picture hanger things but for most of us and most occasions you need 3 things:

    1. A hammer
    2. A nail
    3. A wife to tell you where it needs to go.

    That’s it!

    Easy right?

    It took us 6 weeks to think about - plan - whatever you want to call it - on where we wanted to hang this thing.

    Oh, the picture? about 8 x 8 in size. Not very big at all.

    In the Living Room?

    Nyeah.

    How about the kitchen.

    No. Just No

    Okay Then.

    Family Room?

    Maybe the Family Room

    How about here?

    That Looks Good

    This is where I eyeball it and and ask: about here?

    Yup.

    I grab hammer and small nail.

    Nail gets hammered into the wall.

    Picture Gets Hung

    It’s a little crooked

    Better?

    Yes.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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