Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. The Mess

    We’ve had a few firsts here this week and a few setbacks as well.

    First, the good news.

    I am teaching her to pick her clothes and put them in the hamper when she takes them off. Telling her to do it doesn’t work.

    Want to know what works? Make a game of it: I make the loudest “woop woop woop” sound that sounds like a fire truck, or an alarm – or maybe it’s just annoying enough – but whatever the sound is technically called it’s working. Tonight she put her PJ’s on and put all her clothes in the hamper.

    We celebrate the small wins here.

    Good news item number 2:

    I was downstairs in the mens room and of course as soon as I sit down, I am the most needed person in the whole house. BW isn’t feeling well tonight with a sore throat so she’s calling me from the bedroom wanting tylen0l and sympathy and then of course the child decides that I am the most popular person in the world and she wants me too. Right Now.

    Lastly – to add insult to injury I can hear the dog eating something it’s not supposed to.

    BW screams across the house in her hoarse voice and asks the child to check the dog and pull out of it’s mouth whatever it is it’s not supposed to chew on.

    During all of this I am, um… indisposed.

    When the dust has settled and I have regained my composure I come upstairs to see what the hell is so important that my family can’t behave itself for just a few minu–

    oh wait. look at this!

    I find her upstairs reading her new book from the library.

    I need to take a moment and mark this event as it’s pretty big! She was reading her book alone by herself. No tablet required. I think maybe our rule of no tablet during the week is working and when you have no other choice you read.

    When I asked her if she got whatever the heck the dog was eating she t0ok one eye off of her book to look at me and said to me matter-of-factly:

    “She swallowed it”.

    Then right back to reading.

    I hope the dog um…disposes of whatever she ate.

    A few weeks back we had thought about getting the child a loft bed and went shopping online and realized these things were hundreds of dollars for something that doesn’t look like it would fall apart overnight.

    But we had an old under-used desk. And if we moved her bed 90 degrees, then there would be more room so we brought up the desk and all her papers and books and crayons and even bought 2 new folding chairs so she could have her friend Ethel over to play and draw too.

    There’s just one problem:

    Find the desk.

    We’re going to have to revisit this plan. There are so many half eaten and half broken crayons and god knows what else on this desk that there’s no room for the play, so guess what happens? The crap comes downstairs to the kitchen table instead.

    This defeats the plan entirely. We moved the desk/crayons so the creativity and more importantly: the stuff – would stay upstairs and not get strewn around the house

    We’re going to have to work on this idea some it seems.

    Bonus story if you’ve read this far:

    If you look closely you will see a bowl of rice and other stuff in it. It’s a sensory bowl that she seems to love even though she’s a little big for it.

    She and her friend were playing with it and of course left it on the floor after they were done.

    I finally figured out what the dog was eating: It was Chinese Food.

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  2. Hello Spring. Goodbye Winter

    I opened up her backpack from after school today and found an assortment of papers and homework but the one above caught my eye. Even my six-year-old is sick of winter 24/25.

    I don’t know about you guys but every person I talk to says the same thing: They just want it to end.

    If you compare today vs a year ago, it was much nicer this time last year. The child had short sleeves on!

    walk softly and carry a big stick.

    Granted, the park was a little damp but at least we got a taste of some nice weather for just one day.

    I think that’s what’s needed – just a taste of nice weather. We’re beyond sick of this cold and gray winter and would love for just one day of a reprieve where we could open the windows to air out the house a bit and get the kids outside to play.

    I also found a few other items today:

    a love note with a hidden message, I guess? Or art? I’m not so sure.

    Then we have my favorite for the day:

    The itinerary: I especially like number 3

    I’m guessing this was a list made sometime in the past and not today. I am not sure when it was made but it’s an itinerary for her regardless:

    1. Play
    2. Lunch
    3. Nap
    4. Snack
    5. Dinner
    6. Go To Bed

    And now that I’ve typed this all out I have to say I can really go for numbers 3 and 4 and if the weather finally cooperates maybe she can do no. 1 outside instead because parents across the world are so sick of hearing “I’m bored” this time of year.

    Hang in there folks. Spring is almost around the corner.

    She said so. Winter is done. I have proof.

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  3. Math is Hard

    “Hey Dad! “

    “Could you please play school with me?”

    Ugh. I know. I should love to be able to play with her – as she grows up so fast and then poof, just like that she has a driver’s license and I will be wishing for the playing school days of the past

    But playing “pretend” was never my thing but here I am getting taught in the family room and no wonder I didn’t want to play – look at the homework she gave me!:

    1+3 = “what number is greater than three?”

    I mean just look at the questions. She starts you off easy with just a few questions but then when you’re not looking she has you do some more advanced calculations when you’re no looking.

    note the paint on the shirt from the leprechaun trap we made yesterday

    No wonder I hate playing school. She had me count 1 to ten and then backwards from 10 to 1.

    I had backwards schooling! (which explains a lot, actually)

    Thankfully after all that hard work I was rewarded with a free lunch:

    Just your typical box lunch.

    As you can imagine it was about typical for a school lunch. I found the full-sized garlic a bit hard to digest. Also, BW says I am sleeping on the couch from now on.

    As I am new to having a primary schooling do-over – I got tired fast but thankfully there was a nap time and so I grabbed the couch and she curled up in her tent because teachers get tired too.

    Sorry, no dogs allowed at school. Rules are rules.

    Unfortunately, the school day had to end and we had to wake up as it was dinner and then bath time for the teacher.

    The student gets to stay up a little longer and has to write a report about his first day of school, of which you are reading here.

    The student is also not too far from going to bed as well. That teacher had a pretty busy itinerary to follow all weekend and the student is very tired

    We did it. We survived the weekend together and look at all we learned!

    Here’s to a great weekend of reading and writing and arithmetic.

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  4. The Seventeen Days of March

    I thought Santa would be the big deal here. And don’t get me wrong – he is- but want to know who beats him? Leprechauns!

    Yes, those green little rascals that never seem to get caught yet somehow seem to get into more and more trouble each day- those guys.

    The leprechaun talk starts just after Valentine’s Day here and I have to remind her that the little greenies are sleeping and don’t wake up until March. In hindsight, I should have told her they don’t wake until the night before St. Patrick’s day, just like Rudolph does for Christmas – but you know what they say about hindsight.

    I didn’t and now I have painted myself into a green-tinted corner where every night for the next 16 nights I have to dream up some trickery or tomfoolery those little green rascals have done while she’s asleep that she discovers in the morning.

    The elf on the shelf has it easy. He just moves around the house – and for not as long either. Isn’t it about 12 days for him? I’ve got it much worse and I have to find trouble these little green guys get into each and every night. I’m not my most creative just before bed (this entire site is proof of that) so this really takes some work on my end.

    In the past I have sprinkled cheerios around, moved toys – but that’s only two nights – and then I’m pretty much out of ideas for the next 2 weeks.. This is one of the hardest moments of parenting I have had to deal with.

    I have nobody but myself to blame for this either. It’s one thing to take a few cookies and make some crumbs for her to discover in the morning. It’s another ballgame when you are on the sixteenth night in a row and you’ve run out of ideas.

    Of course leprechaun hunting would not be possible without a trap, so I present to you the leprechaun trap of 2025:

    this is what 18 bucks gets you from the dollar store.

    This is serious business, this leprechaun trapping: She even had a list of stuff we needed.

    item number 1: green paint

    There were a few more things she wanted to buy but I managed to talk her out of them and convince her we had more than enough green crap to glue to an Amazon box.

    This was all her idea. I drove her to the dollar store and found her a box and she pretty much took it over from there.

    watch out for the spikes

    Inside there was some green cloth and of course gold coins because they sure like shiny and then a few green bows to make it a party. Then for the ultimate in trapping technique she found some green toothpicks that I guess is for stabbing them with? I didn’t ask.

    It was her idea to stick the flowers to the lawn outside so that the house would look even more attractive from the outside. Even leprechauns need curb appeal to be caught.

    with a little help from her friend.

    This is one mean looking trap and surely this year we should be able to trap at least one of the little buggers, yes?

    Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

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  5. Everything is Backwards

    This morning after I got the child off on the bus to school, BW left me.

    Not forever – just for the weekend – which depending on how things go might feel like forever. I don’t think BW likes being away as she’s already called me 3 times since I saw her 8 hours ago.

    I think she was just bored.

    Want to know who was not bored? The Child.

    She had a full day at school where she had ice cream, and came home with a crown of march on her head:

    behold: the crown of march.

    “I added a flower and two butterflies”, she told me.

    BW had a homemade pizza all ready for me to pop into the oven, so I popped and we ate pizza. For dessert she was given some delicious looking chocolate candy that BW imported for me to find out later that they were for a special surprise and not really meant to be eaten. oops!

    And I don’t know what I did to the universe lately but it has blessed me with the easiest bedtime routines I have ever had. Tonight was great – she put on her pj’s and brushed teeth without issue and then we played some silly games I made up on the fly (I’ve got mad skills) and then when it was time for a book I told her it was backwards day and she had to read it to me.

    this is a great book no matter who reads it.

    And she did!

    This was the first time where she read me the book instead an I have to tell you it’s much more relaxing than having to do the reading.

    It’s not like she didn’t have warning: Over the years I told her again and again that one day in the future she would be reading to me – and tonight it was the future!

    I can’t wait for story time tomorrow.

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