Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Can Do Dad

    I don’t drink, and that’s a shame

    Because finally, finally she’s big and independent enough to do some stuff on her own and I have to tell you – it’s awesome. I want to celebrate.

    I also want her to go in to the fridge and get her old man a Coke.

    She’s already feeding the dog. The dog might be starving to death because I have witnessed some of the feedings and they are a little light on the scoop size but she’s doing it on the regular and every day after school she has to feed the dog it’s her job.

    She can dress herself and now that I have made a game of it – pick up her dirty clothes off the floor.

    And then there’s the overall usefulness of sending somebody else to do something for you. It’s usually little things like go find dad some tape from our junk drawer but she knows where it is and can go get it and bring it.

    There’s downsides to this as well. She has to be in the mood to listen.

    Listening is hard at our house and some days like this morning distractions rule and it took way to long for putting on a bathing suit. The tears (mine) were due to a little girl wanting to do it herself and a Dad that had never put on a bathing suit where the straps at the back. It all looks like a jumbled bag of spaghetti. I have enough trouble with sleeves. (and lately: waistlines). Finally, BW came and rescued the both of us from a big teary mess of bathing suit and arms.,

    When it works it is glorious, but when it doesn’t there’s tears. Lots of tears. I have never seen so many tears. She got so upset at a drop of a hat today and wanted hugs constantly. I think she was just really tired due to the time change last night.

    But she’s becoming useful and puts her dinnerplate on the counter after dinner. Socks go on by herself, and clothing is easier than that stupid swimming suit are no problem for her. She’s a fan lately of wearing a sweater with a t-shirt on top. I don’t know if that’s a fashion thing for girls her age or not.

    Most impressive is she can put her braces on by herself and usually without complaint or issue.

    She bathed herself for the most part tonight. BW helped with the soaping and water temp but otherwise she gets herself into the tub and out and will put on her PJ’s and brush her teeth when asked.

    Then she’s off to bed after a book or something else quiet and then she’s out cold for another day.

    All this to say, she’s getting there and dare I jinx it? Easier?

    Now I can relax and have a drink.

    I’m liking this – except for the spaghetti straps on swimsuits.

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  2. Entertain Me

    The problem with this time of the year is the weather. You never know what you’re going to get. On one hand today was great. Then on the other hand…it’s still cold.

    There’s the rub: It looks nice so one might think that she could go out and play but it’s too cold today for that so she’s stuck inside for the day.

    “Where are we going?” She asks

    “Nowhere”, I reply

    The problem with the age of the snowplow parenting style is that the little buggers are expected to be entertained. I know it’s safer if you know where your six-year-old is every minute but boy is it exhausting.

    So today we had a day of nothing. There was no fancy breakfasts or lunches or even dinners because it’s Saturday. BW worked from home and painted with her and I drove Uber until lunchtime and then replaced the handle of the microwave.

    She entertained herself.

    And I think it’s okay for her to have some days where her needs are met and that’s about it. She’s fed, clean and housed. I’m your father – nobody said I had to entertain you constantly.

    So we let her do her own thing. She found an app on her tablet that allowed her to make movies and record her voice and I missed it, but apparently it was hilarious to watch.

    She has a 55 inch TV that she can watch. I remember my mind being blown seeing that ad for the first flat TV. Now, she assumes all TV’s are that big or bigger and comes standard with the Disney Channel included.

    So today we laid low. We’ve pitched/donated a lot of toys as she has outgrown them over time but we’ve kept her Peppa Pig House and the million characters she has collected so today we revived them from the basement and what’s old is new again and she had hours of fun with those little piggies in her imaginary world

    Add a little SpongeBob SquarePants on the 55 incher and we survived the day.

    Sorry little one but we’re in a holding pattern here. It’s too cold to go out and we can’t go for treats and toys every weekend. That’s not how life works.

    And for today, Spongebob will have to do.

    Sing with me!: Oh…! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

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  3. Those Leprechauns

    It’s Day 6 of 17 of leprechaun month here and I am still creating a new “thing” that they do every night, but never ever seem to get caught. This trap we made is kind of useless so far if you ask me.

    It’s really hard to come up with some trouble that the leprechauns do every night.

    Tonight, I am going with 3 glasses of water and some snacks for the party they had.

    Green water. Of course.

    This is actually trickier than I thought because: dog.

    Due to logistics, the little green buggers do their business on the floor next to the trap we made. The problem is that if it’s on the floor then it’s fair game for the dog. Tonight, I wised up and pre-made the thing they are going to do but some nights I have been winging it with just one eye open.

    A few nights ago they got really loud and I had to tell them to keep it down:

    In the air tonight

    They set up an entire drum kit and even a trumpet! It was like having Phil Collins in the house with all the noise. Su-Su-Sudio!

    Then one night there was bowling – with oranges! Leprechauns are small and so regular bowling balls are too big but little baby oranges are just the right size. Did you know they use paper towel rolls for pins? me either.

    And another night they got her balance beam out and lined up all our shoes on it, and then they left the mess right in our living room!

    Yes, this is a pain in the ass

    Yes, I started it.

    Yes, she thinks it’s the best thing ever

    Yes, I will continue.

    Yes, I will be glad when it’s St. Patrick’s Day.

    10 days to go!

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  4. On Photos

    Our new before going to bed activity is to pull up the day’s selection of photos from google photos and have a good laugh.

    Every night I find one that pops up (at least) that I have not remembered at all. I don’t remember either being there or having a camera with me in the room.

    I take thousands of photos a year and it’s my opinion that they are irreplaceable.

    So. I backup. A lot.

    And forget a lot where I have backed up to.

    So I backup again.

    Most normal people would use Google Photos or Apple or Amazon or Facebook or one of the biggies and have all their photos on the cloud – or worse: only have them on their phone (I can’t imagine)

    I have my photos backed up on all the big cloud servers using their apps and for a normal person that would be more than enough. I am not that person.

    One location I have my photos backed up is google cloud for enterprise. This costs me about 25 cents a month which is pretty cheap. It costs more if you have to actually restore or download but I hope to never come to that. These are “the house burned down” backups.

    Anyway. All that to say I have a backup plan for my photos.

    I want these photos for her. I want to hand her the keys to the great archive in the sky so she can show her kids how cool her old man was. And how silly and beautiful she was/is because as you know – they grow up quick.

    One of the neat features of all these cloud services is they send you notifications: 6 years ago, 10 years ago, etc. You’re reminded of your photos from the past or they create silly gif’s like the one you see above.

    You tell yourself: “there’s no way that it’s been six years.

    Oh yes it has been.

    But you see yourself in an elevator mirror and you see your hairline for the first time in years and think to yourself:

    Yup, six years is about right.

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  5. Six to Six

    I’m not talking about daylight savings time. What I am talking about is her new and improved schedule that seems to be working for all parties a lot better.

    I call it sanity savings time.

    For whatever reason we have slowly managed to get her to go to bed relatively early and with a bit of luck I can have her out cold by 7pm. I’m calling that a win.

    There’s a flipside to all this awesome quiet time in the evening though:

    I call it 6am.

    “Hey Dad!”, “Wake up, It’s 5:54am”

    Dad does not like to wake up at 5:54 am.

    I tell her she can crawl in with me but she has to sleep until 6:30am (which is still much too early).

    She then wriggles and bumps around under the covers doing god knows what and then it’s “Hey Dad, it’s 5:58am)

    I tell her it’s not 6:30 am yet. She starts whining. I keep negotiating for some more time in Bed.

    I tell her 6:25.

    She says 6:00 am

    I say 6:15 am

    She says 6am

    Sigh. Okay, she wins. I am an excellent negotiator, BTW.

    There’s a problem to this 12 hour day. It’s a long day and by the time we’re done dinner she’s toast and wants to go up and go to bed. This is great! Until it’s not.

    This “not” usually happens on a Wednesday or even a Thursday and, well…Friday we just cross our fingers and pray at this point.

    Tonight was Wednesday. Things went okay-ish, but there were tears and pushback for every little thing.

    I tell her to have a bath: Tears.

    I tell her to brush her teeth: Tears

    I tell her we’re done horsing around and now it’s time to close your eyes and tell me in the morning what happened. You got it – tears.

    Last week I thought I had cracked the DaVinci Code with this new 6 to 6 shift but now that the new schedule smell has worn off I fear things are not smooth sailing as I had thought…

    But, I have to tell you I do like these early bedtimes because it gives me more time when I am still awake to allow me to write here and I know all 23 of you are thrilled.

    I know you wouldn’t want to miss a thing.

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