Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Double the Fun

    I have been home today for the most part because I don’t like to hit other cars with my car in snowstorms – so it’s safer at home.

    This isn’t all bad because now the house is cleaner than when the day started and I got to spend some quality time with the daughter again after school.

    I remember when after-school consisted of a house key and after-school TV and trying not to burn the house down before your parents got home from work.

    But now, having an older underemployed parent home means that there’s always a parent to meet the child at the bus and bring them in and get the coat off/hung up etc.

    Take today for instance: I have been on duty since 3:48pm when that bus door opened and my little charge popped out:

    here she comes!

    Of course, she wanted to go out and play in the snow, so we got her into her snow pants, boots, coat and mittens that are too big and don’t stay on – and out we went!

    I shoveled. She made snow angels. All this “out in the snow” is really just a ploy so she can have hot cocoa when she comes in.h. Regardless, it was good for her to get outside with the some fresh air.

    I’m done, right?

    Oh.no.

    Now we play games! I guess this is what happens when you’re not allowed to watch the tablet and you’re almost six – you play board games!

    We played Candyland!

    Mommy Won!

    Did you know that not only the box for the game has the ages it’s appropriate for, but also an estimate of how long you will play.?The box said a game would takeabout 15 minutes which was about right.

    The rest of the evening was uneventful with dinner and dessert. We went healthy with oranges for dessert and we played the “whatever you do – don’t eat my oranges” game.

    She ate the oranges when I wasn’t looking. Sneaky kid.

    You can’t have dessert every night. Besides, tomorrow you’re having ice cream at school.

    Then she played downstairs for a bit on her own accord with play-doh which was nice and allowed me ten minutes

    But then it was bedtime, and I told her to get ready for bed and put her PJ’s on and then we could have a bit of fun. She did not put on her PJ’s

    She put on makeup instead:

    Never leave them alone for one second. if it’s quiet, nothing good is happening.

    Then instead of putting on PJ’s when asked again she decided to ignore me and dress up her stuffed animal in a pair of PJ’s instead.

    When she came downstairs with it all dressed up, I joked that the stuffy must be her because the PJ’s were on the doll and not the person.

    We could call the doll “child one” and the real child “child two”.

    I’m only responsible for one child.

    I don’t think she liked the idea of two of her because when we went back upstairs she told me she didn’t want to have two of her and promptly undressed the toy and told me it was just a stuffed animal again and we should play something else.

    Don’t worry pumpkin – you’ll always be my only one.

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  2. Today I Played With Pink Glitter Slime

    Quiz Time:

    Who here played with pink glitter slime today?

    You. You in the back? No? Okay. Let me tell you all about it.

    Let’s make slime!

    It was promised it would happen today. Somebody – I am not sure whom, thought it would be a good idea to introduce the child to make your own glitter slime.

    Pretty harmless, yes?

    For the most part it is. IF, and this is a big IF the pink slime does not travel anywhere in the house other than the kitchen table.

    Let me tell you what happens with pink glitter slime when it attaches to:

    1. wood
    2. bedsheets
    3. flooring

    This stuff does not come off of the above surfaces cleanly at all. It sticks to it like me holding onto the last donut in the box – That ~~shit~~ stuff ain’t moving.

    So imagine my joy when it was announced that more slime was being created.

    One thing I will say with her getting older is she now at least understands why I don’t want to have travelling slime and the slime must stay at the table and I have to tell you it’s nice. Whether or not she listens to me or not is a complete other story.

    Back to the slime – today we made the following with the slime:

    1. boogers (of course)
    2. eyebrows
    3. lips
    4. snakes
    5. pancakes
    6. balls

    and….that’s about it.

    And then just like that, the 20 minutes were up and she was off skipping to do the next activity. It was something about My Little Ponies – I forget.

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  3. Good Friends

    When the child was little we were worried that being a single child she would have no friends to play with but that seems to be something we should have not worried about.

    As I wrote the other day , she has 26 friends coming to her birthday party so she’s covered there, but I am talking about neighborhood friends and we’re lucky as we had a family with not one – but two little girls move in 2 doors over just a few years ago.

    I took a while until everybody was a little bit older to know each other but it really gelled with Kindergarten and now she has a fast friend. Let’s call her Ethel. (not her real name, because this is the internet)

    Ethel and the child sit next to each other on the bus. It’s a 40 minute bus ride for the child on the way home. Other parents pick up their kids because it’s “too much” for their special flowers to be on the school bus. We’re like “Screw that – we’re getting our money’s worth. She is SO taking the bus”.

    This means by the time they get home they have their afternoons planned out for the most part. Sometimes Ethel is here and sometimes the child is at Ethel’s so it all works out.

    We had to get a chime for our ring camera because we were missing when Ethel wanted to come and play and rang the doorbell, she’s here that often.

    They like to come to each other’s house because it’s different. Different toys and different rules. Also we have a dog. Ethel was afraid of the dog but is no longer. Now Ethel wants a dog.

    The child confessed to me tonight that when she’s there she can watch TV. There’s a no TV rule here on weeknights. She gets more than enough screen time on the weekends. So she’s over there partying it up like it’s 1999.

    Ethel likes it here because we have a huge roll of paper and we tape it to the wall and they can smear paint over it all and not get in trouble. Also: dog.

    This is all working out great and I am glad they both have each other to play with and grow. The friendship really gelled this fall so I bet there will be more coming and goings through our front door this year when the weather warms up.

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  4. You’ve Got Mail

    We’re spoiled in this modern age we’re living in.

    Everything comes to the door n0w. Our last online order was for table napkins. Table Napkins! You think that if I’m out driving all day I could stop somewhere on the way home and pick some up. Nope. Nope. Nope

    That would require getting out of the car and going to a store. Paying $139 a year for prime is much easier and then the stuff just shows up at the door.

    Another example: Reading. It used to require books and magazines that were either picked up at a store or a library or maybe borrowed from a friend. Now the reading happens right here and right now on the device of your choice usually.

    You’re reading this on your little pocket powered computer with0ut lifting a finger. You didn’t have to to to the store or library. Just wait for the “you’ve got mail” notification and you’re reading with the latest dopamine hit called this newsletter.

    All this to say we don’t get a lot of mail these days. Even the bills stopped for the most part because of the internet and online billing. Our mail is the weekly flyer full of renewal window ads and handyman services. That, and the local car dealer flyer wanting to sell me a new car because I went there once for service.

    We don’t get a lot of fun mail like we did and that makes us sad.

    Unless. Unless you’re subscribed to the Highlights Magazine and you’re five.

    OMG BEST.THING.EVER

    Then it’s the best day ever!

    When we get this she’s at school so we put it at her spot at the table and it takes her 0.002 seconds to find it and then ask me if she wants to do the “finding book” with her.

    There’s two sections that are her favorite: The first is the section where it wants you to find all the silly things. Usually it’s a theme. If it’s the ski hill and you see a walrus on skis eating an ice cream cone that’s pretty silly- You get the idea.

    The second section she likes is where you find hidden things in the pictures. Find the hammer, the kite, the moon…

    She could care less for the stories. She flips through those. It’s odd because she likes stories and will have them read to her non-stop but the stories in this magazine are not her thing.

    There’s crafts to make and these are hit and miss. We have made some though and I think they turned out pretty well. Take our school bus for example:

    This was fun for all of us, but she hasn’t been interested lately in the crafts.

    Not surprisingly, they also have a food/recipe section and of course she’s one of us so she’s all about the food and we have to look and decide what would be the most delicious. This month was all the different ways you could spruce up toast.

    To summarize, this is a great magazine for her – even if she’s not thrilled with the stories – the puzzles and the other features hold her interest for some time and that – as they say in the mastercard ad – is priceless.

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  5. Measuring

    This is what almost six looks like.

    Maybe it’s the fact that in 2 weeks she’ll have her sixth birthday party but it seems she’s turned a corner and in some ways (I said, some) become easier to handle. In other ways, not so much.

    For one thing she can completely spell and read: Tonight she asked me to refill her water bottle.

    “But make sure to fill it all the way to 750 ml”, she told me, as she read the bottle.

    Okay then. Those were very clear instructions.

    Earlier in the evening, she was bouncing around the kitchen and she leaned against the wall where we mark her height every now and then. I grabbed a pen and told her to stay still.

    She did. Which was not always the case.

    Big surprise: she’s grown again – about an inch since October!

    Lastly, I was having a mid-afternoon snooze when she found me and all 3 of us had to complete a “food test.”

    They were all set up for us with little bowls and we each had our own form and crayon and we had to follow her instructions:

    The instructions stated that we had to color either the happy face or sad face depending on whether you liked the food and then in the box write down what you want.

    Pretzels were my favorite

    We did as we told, and then she bounced over and did something else. I guess we passed the test? I do know I don’t like gummy bears much.

    There’s been a whole lot of questions about food lately. I have been asked about a cookie preference, and favorite food and now there’s exams!

    I am not ready for exams. Nobody said there would be exams.

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