Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Hypnotized

    It’s Thanksgiving in the USA today. That means you eat. A lot.

    I haven’t seen our kitchen table look this nice in years.

    And true to form, I did. There were butter tarts. Don’t judge me. I may have had more than one. Maybe.

    So, Thanksgiving. It happened. We’re all full and tired and never want to see another turkey again.

    Speaking of turkeys… my little turkey would not go to bed tonight. One would think that with all that melatonin in her that she would be out like a light but nope, she was in and out of the bedroom at least 3 times.

    The last time I went up to the bedroom I told her I was going to hypnotize her to go to sleep.

    “What’s hypnotized?” she asked.

    I told her it’s where some people think they can make people go to sleep by saying “ You are getting very sleepy ” over and over. I don’t believe in it and am very reluctant to be convinced otherwise, but then I think Ouija boards are silly too.

    Anyway, once I told her about it, I had to demonstrate it for her. So, I did the whole routine:

    “When I count to 3 you will be asleep”, I told her.

    “1….2…..3”, I counted down.

    “I didn’t work”, she said.

    I know it didn’t work because I would be a millionaire one hundred times over if I could invent a sure-fire way to get a kid to go to bed on the count of 3. Just imagine how many YouTube subscribers I would have.

    Then I told her that she just needs practice, and she should practice on her favorite stuffed animal and then kissed her goodnight and turned around to close the door.

    It’s then that I saw her waving her little finger in front of her stuffed animal:

    “You are getting very sleepy…”

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  2. The YouTube Generation

    I missed the YouTube boat. I don’t watch a lot of YouTube anyway unless I need to try and fix something or really want to find a review of something, but I have found all the influencers are just scammers wanting you to just click and like and subscribe. I don’t click, and I don’t subscribe. Who has the time?

    Today I realized that my daughter has a whole other worldview, and it revolves around the screen.

    Here’s the scene:

    She and her little friend were playing with Play-Doh at the kitchen table and they were happily playing. I was horizontal on the couch with half an eye open (the good eye) and BW’s Mom was in the kitchen cooking.

    They were playing and all of a sudden one of them said:

    “Thanks for coming to our show. Don’t forget to subscribe and hit the like button”

    I thought that was pretty hilarious. A few thoughts came to mind.

    That child has too much tablet time and I better pay more attention to what she’s liking and subscribing to.

    She’s five. She’s not supposed to be liking and subscribing. She should be reading and singing and playing. I watched the Flintstones, and came home when the streetlights came on.

    She IS the produc t with these streaming services and I am not sure how I feel about that. These folks are making a living off of five year olds watching their videos. One could argue that it was the same in the Flintstone era with 10 minutes of commercials and 20 minutes of programming.

    I guess play has come a long way. If you’re not practicing your influencing skills at five I guess you’ll be left behind in this new world we live in.

    Of course if you’ve read this far – be sure to like and subscribe.

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  3. Queen for a Day

    She was the chosen one.

    It was about 1pm when the phone rang. I never get phone calls so this was not a call I was expecting. I almost let it go to voicemail as I didn’t recognize the number and scammers suck.

    But, against better judgement I did answer.

    “Hello?”

    “Hi, It’s Principal A. from (the child’s) elementary school.

    “Um…hello?”

    “Yes, this is just to warn you that she was chosen to be the 2024 Food Drive VIP for the school and she will be going to the grocery store to help with shopping for the food drive”

    Oh. Whew. I thought the worse of course because why else would the school call?

    So, today our little shopper (that’s my girl!) was one of the chosen ones to go to the grocery store and pick out some food for those of us that are less fortunate for the csh

    At dinner I asked her how it went and she told me that they paired the kindergarten kids with the seniors from high school, which is a great idea. That way the teacher/poor sucker who got stuck with this didn’t have to herd a bunch of five year olds on their own.

    “My High Schooler was Vera”, she told me at dinner.

    I asked if she had a good time and she did, but she’s more excited about the next 5 days of no school than anything that happened at school today.

    Tomorrow, we continue the theme of do-gooding by going shopping for a toy to donate for Toys for Tots. I told her she’s a lucky little girl, but a lot of little ones are not so we get a toy (or two) for them so they have something to open x-mas day.

    Everybody helps each other. That’s the lesson of the day. I hope it sunk in.

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  4. Tomorrow I Am Going to Nap and Dream About Pie

    We have a bit of new habit going on lately. It goes like this:

    1. She doesn’t listen
    2. She doesn’t get snack/fun/whatever
    3. She screams
    4. She settles down and I explain why she got punished.
    5. She tells me she loves me
    6. All is forgiven

    And so it goes. I may have created a monster though as the new habit is for me to lie with her in the bed until she falls asleep, or is very close.

    This is a habit that I have mixed feelings about. On one hand, it’s great that I get to spend some time with her in the evenings and I get fodder for my newsletter like the title above. (I still think this is a great idea, I would be all over it)

    On the other hand, it’s becoming a habit and a routine and I am not sure I want screaming to be a regular thing here before we go to bed. Also, it takes close to an hour of me lying there with her and the evening without childcare goes fast enough without losing an hour.

    I figure this too shall pass eventually so I may as enjoy it while I can.

    Besides, the “I love you Dad’s” as she is dozing off are pretty awesome.

    May pie be in your dreams tonight.

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  5. Nobody Knows the No’s I Have Heard Today

    Get off the tablet and get changed for swimming lessons.

    N0

    Let’s go swimmin g, we are going to be late

    No

    Let’s have lunch

    No

    Clean up your toys before dinner

    No

    I have heard a lot of no’s today. I kept telling her that another no fun day was in the cards if she didn’t start to behave and she didn’t

    The icing on the cake was when she was giving BW and her Mom both a hard time in the tub about not wanting to rinse her hair. I had to go intervene and rinse her under duress. She got rinsed.

    Then she wouldn’t get out of the tub. I started the cold shower. You have never seen a child get out of a tub so fast as the freezing water started.

    Then she wouldn’t put on her pajamas, so I just said good night to her and walked away. A few minutes later, a 3 foot child was at my feet apologizing.

    “I’m sorry, Dad” she told me as she hugged her stuffie standing there barefoot in her little blue nightie.

    “It’s okay” I said, let’s go to bed.

    As I was tucking her in she says to me: ” I love you Dad”. “You heard a lot of No’s today but you haven’t heard that”

    No, I have not. And that’s much better. Thank You

    Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

    Sleep tight.

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