Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Needs and Wants

    She’s been learning the difference between needs and wants at school this week and she shared some examples with us tonight at the kitchen table.

    She wants McDonalds. She needs food
    She wants a nice bedroom. She needs shelter
    She wants dessert. She does not need dessert.

    And on and on and on…

    Then later when I had in in the bed getting her ready to settle down she asked me what I wanted for father’s day.

    Hey, I have no better idea than you where that came from but if I had to guess it would be the excitement as Christmas nears combined with lack of sleep as she was up again this morning at 6am and you get “father’s day”. Okay then.

    I suggested that a new pair of headphones would be nice. I kind of like headphones.

    “Nope, not happening”, she said. “You have a whole wall of headphones. You don’t need any more headphones”

    I then told her that maybe I will sell all the headphones I have and use the proceeds to just have one very nice headphone instead of having a lot of headphones.

    “Oh, no” she said “Mommy would not like any more headphones. You can’t buy any more”.

    Crap. They’re both on to me now.

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  2. The Snow Angel

    It was a long day here for her. I think the snowplow woke her up as it was way too early for her to be awake, and from the moment she saw all the snow (about 4-5 inches) she wanted to go out to play in it.

    There’s a few problems with letting her out this morning to make snow angels. First, even th0ugh she’s up early we’re still on a deadline. Then there’s the issue with snowsuits. We have none, or boots for that matter. We suck.

    There’s definitely no time to get her into and out of a snowsuit anyway even if we did have it. Before you call CPS, Santa is on his way with boots and winter wear so everybody calm down.

    So yeah. It was a struggle for all of us this morning.

    Thank God. The School Bus

    We sent her in her sneakers because – no boots – but also that her teacher asked us not to send them in boots unless really necessary. She has 20 kids in her class and that’s 40 feet she has to shod twice a day and nobody wants to put boots on 20 kids twice a day.

    Besides, her sneakers are like 3 sizes too big for her so her SMO’s can fit inside so they’re almost considered boots anyway.

    Of course, the first thing she wants to do when she gets home is to make a snow angel. I try to talk her out of it. It’s cold and windy. And she doesn’t have the right clothes. I tried logic:

    Come inside. We have hot chocolate.

    She wasn’t budging and was going to make a snow angel one way or another.

    Guess who won?

    My angel making her angel.

    She was out there for the time it took to make the angel and then maybe five more minutes and she was frozen to the core and ready to come in.

    The snow angel and the 6am start took all the energy she had for the day and even though a friend from across the street came over to play she lost it over some silly thing (Oh, she wanted me to play hide and seek. I said no. She has a friend right there and that’s what they are for.)

    She lost it so bad her little buddy got wigged out and couldn’t get her snowpants and boots and coat back on fast enough to get out of the house that has a screaming hyena in it, instead of my daughter. I don’t blame her.

    It took a while, but I managed to get her into her bed and we had a cuddle and I tried to not fall asleep while she reset her mood and got her shit together.

    Once the shit (sorry, SH-Word) got back together with her she was pretty well behaved and seemed to have just enough energy to get through the dinner and bed routine.

    A quick story read, and she was in bed and out cold a few minutes later.

    Santa, if you’re reading this: Those boots and pants can’t get here soon enough if we keep getting more snow. I would appreciate if you could stop at our house first on Christmas Eve.

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  3. Damn Trademarks

    Today started with snow on the ground. It didn’t look too bad and had stopped so I left early and drove people around for an hour or so until the weather got worse and then I realized the risk vs reward wasn’t worth it, so I came home.

    I missed it, but as this was the first storm of the season that was worth it for the plows to come out she was thrilled. Heck, yesterday there was a dusting of snow and she was over the moon. I can only imagine what 4 inches of snow was like.

    so hopeful for snow. there’s snow angels that need making.

    After lunch she had a book fair at the school. Things have changed since I got sent home with a scholastic flyer and hope that my parents would let me buy something.

    Today, you have to get signed in with ID first and then you can go across to the gym where my little one was already browsing for the books. Now, the books are all on display for your impulse shopping experience.

    It’s funny, she’s not a big shopper and seems very non-plussed by stuff. They had some other crap you could buy like erasers shaped like French fries and pencils with fuzzy heads and she didn’t want any of that. Just the book. She wanted the book because her friend has the same one:

    8 bucks and was out of there.

    She was more interested in the box of fidget spinners that the school had brought out to entertain the kids after the shopping had been done.

    When she got home from school she did not want to show us the book and had no interest in reading it tonight. What she really wanted to do was make snow angels.

    I had to tell her no. It was too cold.

    I get it though. She’s had it in her head that she will make snow angels when it snows, and it did – so when I told her no she didn’t like the answer or understand. I tried to explain about the cold and the high winds but she didn’t want to hear it.

    At dessert tonight I was drinking coffee out of this cup:

    and because she likes to read anything and everything she can get her eyes on she of course asked “What does damn mean?”

    Well….I said. It’s not a very nice word and you should not say it at the dinner table or otherwise. I told her that it’s like the SH word. It’s not quite as bad as that but it’s close.

    You would think that I would be done explaining words but nope.

    I’m wearing a Hurley Sweatshirt that BW bought for me. It has a trademark word on it. She asked “what’s a trademark?”

    Have you ever tried to explain to a sleepy five year old what a trademark is? Me either until tonight.

    I ended up explaining that if her friend Elicia makes a blanket and puts a swirly letter E on the blanket she could get a trademark for the letter E blanket. She told me that she understood and that she could make a blanket with a lowercase E and that would work.

    “Sure”. I told her. “Sounds good. Goodnight.”

    Tomorrow I’m wearing my “Hug your Dad” shirt. She’ll understand what that means and there’s no trademark required. Hugs are always free and welcome.

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  4. She’s Maid for It

    This came home in the book bag today.

    How she helps her family: By cleaning!

    Ha!

    this isn’t so clean. this is just another day.

    This is how cleaning usually works here.

    1. I tell her to go down and clean the family room
    2. She tells me no.
    3. I convince her that if she doesn’t, she will never see her tablet again.
    4. She begrudgingly complies
    5. She gets distracted in 2 seconds and starts playing with one of the toys she is supposed to be picking up.
    6. I just keep cleaning because at this point, I want this to be over.
    7. She goes upstairs and shows mommy how well she cleaned.
    8. Mommy is pleased, thus – I am pleased too.

    There’s a reason this is called Tidy Husband and not Tidy Child or Tidy Beautiful Wife. It’s because I am the one that picks up the stuff. We all have our duties and mine is to make sure things are at least a 7 on the “clean enough” scale.

    I have so given up on the family room downstairs though. I used to collect all the toys up and put them in ziplock bags with each toy in their own little bag. Now, after the umpteenth time I have done this, I just toss it all in the toy box and push down on the lid until it closes – just like a suitcase – push until it fits!

    I also from time to time have been known to edit and prune the crap that enters the house, and I can usually get away with it. Obviously not her favorite toys, but some things go away for a bit until they are forgotten and then they are tossed or donated. (The hungry hippo game is currently on the chopping block)

    There’s only so much room for so much crap here and Christmas is coming and there’s more crap on the way.

    Then there’s her birthday party in January where she invited twenty of her classmates. Want to know what we’ll be getting? Twenty pink toys with two hundred pieces each.

    I need to start making room.

    So, if she tells you that she helps with the cleaning, don’t believe her.

    And lastly, don’t buy her anything else. We have no more room.

    And don’t get me started on the dog…

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  5. Tis the Season After All

    Want to know what the child talked about today? Leprechauns.

    Not Santa, or gifts or what she wants for Christmas. Just Leprechauns

    She is all about the Leprechauns.

    I’m not sure why. She was excited as she knew were planning on getting the tree up and all the decorations that go with it.

    There was a bit of holiday cheer, and some tears to go with it. She was looking forward to the advent calendar she has. It’s felt and you move the Velcro ornament day by day on the calendar.

    Or, I should say it was felt because the dog ate it. BW was ahead of the curve and she had a new one lined up:

    Pretty neat, right? The tears were then short lived because she loved the idea of having to slide the flamingo across every day. It’s going to be a fun 24 days for her.

    Even more fun, is we found the other advent calendar and except for the fact that it looks well chewed, it still functional and works well so now we have two advent calendars.

    The rest of the afternoon was the usual tree putting up. First, it’s easy.

    Back in the day my Dad would have had to taken us in the Ford woody wagon without seatbelts and wandered around in the cold to pick a tree and then cut the tree and then drive it home on the roof of the car.

    Me? I unbox.

    You can’t cut down a pink tree.

    Then, after I string the lights up, I let the five-year-old get to it. Of course our real nice glass ornaments have been replaced by unbreakable plastic – but whatever.

    Even the lights are easier. They’re all LED these days and they cost next to nothing and if they break, you just buy a new set. Gone are the days of testing the lights to make sure they still work and you’re done.

    I was kind of dreading the Christmas decorating but it wasn’t horrible.

    In fact, watching her dance around the tree having fun decorating made my heart grow 3 sizes today.

    Just like the Grinch.

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