Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Math is Hard

    BW is smart. Really smart.

    a close up of a human brain on a black background

    Photo by Shawn Day on Unsplash

    Tonight, she got her 2nd award from her profession. SECOND! Both medals are gold and heavy and have a royal blue ribbon

    I told you she was smart. We are all proud of you BW.

    Now - the other lady in my life: She comes home with math homework. It’s been more than a few years since I have seen homework of any kind but this is something out of this world, you guys.

    I am used to 10 + 2 = 12. This is what I know and this is what I am comfortable with.

    This is not what the child came home with. She came home with some chart that looked like a ponzi scheme - with numbers and lines connecting to other numbers and lines and god knows what — and then she turns to me and says “It’s easy Dad”

    Pffft - If you say so.

    Me? I picked up dog poop from the back yard - this is your PSA to go to school kids and get good grades or you could end up with some poop at the end of a shovel as the highlight of your day.

    Listen to your teacher, study math and read a book.

    Trust me on this one.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  2. A Better Mouse Trap

    Remember when a good day was sitting by the water for a few minutes, maybe playing with the child on the swings and then writing something that mattered to you at the end of the day?

    I did all 3 of those today:

    Saw Lake Ontario in the Sunshine on a Fall Day

    Found both Mother and Child Playing at the Park on Swings at the Playground.

    They were both almost horizontal, they were so high up in the air - hair flying, laughter and fun in the late afternoon just after school ended is a perfect way to start the week.

    Created a New Platform to Create Websites

    I really didn’t mean to do this. I mentioned to ChatGPT that all the writing platforms sucked for one reason or another and I should make my own.

    All I wanted was a place to post my thoughts. No likes, trackers, or other nonsense - just write and post a photo or two but all the others are too complicated or have questionable ethics/business practices that I would prefer not participate in.

    This solves that problem. Black text on white background with blue links is as simple as it gets: Write, Publish, Read.

    Two hours and about 50 cents in AI fees later, I have a MVP up and running. It’s called unsubscribed

    I needed a quieter place on the internet to write and publish with no algorithm or likes or comments. I couldn’t find one so I built one that doesn’t cost me ten bucks a month to build somebody else’s business.

    No nonsense. Write, Publish, Read. Unsubscribe to the modern internet.

    Speaking of no nonsense, she went to bed easily tonight. An hour of Phys Ed class at school and then 2 hours at the playground will do that to you.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  3. Cardboard Boxes, Toys and Stickers for Kids

    I may have oversold this post

    Greg

    this is Greg the shark - more on him in a bit.

    Anyway, a few headlines from today:

    CHILD FINDS TOY AFTER PARENTS BUY REPLACEMENT - PARENTS MIFFED, CHILD THRILLED.

    Grand Island NY — A lost toy that was assumed gone for good was found one day later in laundry hamper

    “We looked everywhere”, the father of the child was quoted to say

    Reports state that the missing toy was found in the washing machine.

    Authorities are unsure of which load of laundry the toy was found in but investigations are under way

    “Now my life is complete”, the child was reported saying.

    CHILD REFUSES TO PUT AWAY TOYS. CHILD IN TEARS. PARENTS STATE CARDBOARD IS NOT FURNITURE.

    Grand Island, NY — A child refused to put away toys temporarily stored in a discarded Amazon Box today. Reports are that the cardboard box was decorated as a castle and the toys inside were favorites and could not be mixed in with other toys in toy box.

    “They’re different”, the child was quoted as saying.

    Contents of the different toys are still under investigation but at time of publication the box contained smaller cardboard boxes, 3 squishallows, a travel pillow and a doll and stuffed bunny.

    Talks broke down at approximately 1:20pm this afternoon after both sides could not come to agreement over the term of the word “furniture”.

    “It’s a freaking box”, the parent was quoted as saying but reports are the child stated that the cardboard box is not any cardboard box but her castle, and her castle is her home.

    Investigations are underway, but parents were seen requesting that all future Amazon deliveries be made in envelopes.

    FATHER CREATES NEW SUBSTACK NEWSLETTER TO ENCOURAGE KIDS TO READ

    Grand Island, NY — Today about 8 pm this evening a father started another newsletter in an effort to encourage kids to read. The father states that kids and skarks are a great team and if they read a book, they win a shark.

    “That’s the pitch” he was quoted as saying “read a book - win a shark”

    “I should not have to call my lawyer” the man was reported saying when he took his child to redeem candy for reading books the experience was far from positive. shark club was created to encourage kids to read books and when they do - they win a shark

    The writer is currently fundraising to send out real vinyl shark stickers. The newsletter, with only one introductory post currently is reported to have just one subscriber and zero audience to date is currently still working toward the goal.

    Estimated paid subscribers needed to buy 100 stickers for testing is just seven at 5 dollars a month - reports say. Readers are encouraged to become paid subscribers because the project is real now: send real shark stickers to kids for reading a book.

    shark club

    Read a book. Ask ridiculous questions. Win a shark Silly questions about kids’ books, answers from a robot, and real shark stickers for kids who read.

    By James P Fitzsimmons

    The man further stated that if nobody pays to subscribe, he’s just going to buy the stickers despite stink eye from wife. “I made a deal - read a book - win a shark” the man was quoted saying as he shopped for custom sticker manufacturers.

    Wife refused to comment further. This story is still developing.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  4. Meet The New Don

    In previous episodes of we can’t find Don we thought that after a few days Don would show up again.

    baby-elephant3

    Don did not show up, and still hasn’t. A few nights ago there was a full on meltdown: “ I miss my Donnie, I can’t live without my Donnie”

    In a perfect world she’s 7 and closer to 8, and the favorite toy age **should be over.

    Spoiler Alert:** We’re not there yet.

    So, $12.95 and a special delivery by the FedEx guy - a new Don had arrived. BW unwrapped it and cut the pacifier off because that part thankfully is long past, but the companionship of a special Elephant is still here for a little longer.

    The GASP OF DELIGHT and the WIDE OPEN EYES when she came back from the playground was well worth the 12 bucks.

    “Now my life is complete” she told us.

    She hugged and pet Don as it was a real kitten or animal of some sort.

    “He’s Fluffier” she told us.

    Well, yeah. The previous one has been licked/stolen by the dog and then handled with sticky fingers of destruction for a good while. I think the previous Don lasted over a year — which is kind of amazing.

    What also is amazing is she doesn’t care that this is not Don 1.0 the OG Don. This is a replacement number 6 I think. Six Dons in 7.5 years - that seems about right - replacement frequency was a lot higher when the dog was a puppy for a bit.

    The idle threat has been laid down that this is the last Don.

    But I wouldn’t take that bet if I were you.

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  5. The Snack Pantry

    We don’t have chips in the house very often for a very good reason.

    a piece of food that is on a blue surface

    Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

    Me.

    I am the reason. To be precise - it’s my willpower - or lack thereof - which is the real problem.

    I just can’t be trusted around a bag of chips. For the child it’s candy - so we all have our vices here - but the trouble with having chips is that I eat them. At an accelerated rate.

    At one point there a while back I was stress eating a family pack of chips at a embarrassing rate. It would start out innocently enough: “just a handful”, I would tell myself.

    I would grab the bag and my phone and instead of going to bed sit down and pull out the phone and doom scroll and eat chips. Turns out time goes by real fast when you’re eating chips mindlessly in some dopamine overdose with salt, fat and the glow of the phone display turning your brain into an pink glob of pleasure. A fair bit of time goes by before realize that your brain has been concentrating on the dope and not on the time - and you’ve hoovered over half the bag.

    Then comes the shame.

    “Tomorrow will better”, you tell yourself, but then the next night comes along and it’s “I’ll just have a handful while I skim the news….” and now we have a habit forming.

    The solution? BW stopped buying chips. Problem solved.

    Now? I open the pantry door - hopeful like a kid on Christmas morning, only to not find a bag of chips. I am torn about this - in some ways I was so hoping that there would be the magic chips in the pantry. But it’s just as well - and I go to bed 1000 calories lighter. (that estimate might be on the lower end)

    All this to say that something magical happened tonight.

    We have chips in the pantry again!

    You see, the Amazon man came just as dinner was being served. Of course, all things Amazon must be inspected and opened by the child, but we told her to cool her jets until after dinner. Then we can open the Amazon box as our entertainment of the evening.

    Dinner, Dessert and then it’s AMAZON box time! woo hoo!

    The child and I rip it open and we both GASP IN UNISON:

    CHIPS! WE HAVE CHIPS. WE HAVE CHIPS IN THE HOUSE!!!!

    The child grabs a bag, but I grab the BOX of chips and guard it with my life. I look at the child and give her the stink-eye and tell her “these are all mine!” ( just kidding - sharing is caring.)

    And we all have a good laugh and then ask BW why did she buy us chips?

    She told us because she loves us.

    Also, they were on sale - the chips in the house are a limited time offer.

    Our love? (of chips) It never expires.

    Until Next Time,
    TH and Co.

    PS> We hid them on the top shelf because both the child and I have the willpower you would expect of a chip addict. BW will dole them out as she sees fit and it’s probably best that way. :)

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