Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. How to Chew Gum

    How to Chew Gum

    Today was the last day of the child’s after-school Spanish class and I am not sure how much learning was done, but there was a pinata and every kid came home with some candy. She greeted me with 3 Dum-Dums and some horrible looking chewing gum.

    She was eyeing the dum-dums, but it was too close to dinnertime so I told her she could try the gum if she wanted to. Then I realized that she has never had chewing gum as it’s not a thing really in our house. Bubble gum and older parents don’t really mix.

    I had to tell her to not swallow it as you don’t swallow gum. You’re just supposed to chew it - as that’s where it gets it’s name.

    Of course this opened an entire conversation on the way home in the car about what would happen if you swallowed gum. I said it wouldn’t kill you but it’s not really good for you. Gum is for chewing and not swallowing.

    It got quiet in the back seat. And then she tells me she doesn’t want the gum and hands me this half-licked and nibbled on chiclet of bubble gum.

    I think that might be the end of the bubble gum here for a while.

    It started to get nice out this afternoon and she wanted to play with a friend outside but she could not find a willing participant and she came home without a playmate. I offered to go for walk around the block with her on the scooter and she lit up with a big agreeable smile.

    “Let’s go, Dad”

    Off we went:

    How to Chew Gum

    We might not be able to chew gum - but we have the walking down - scooting too!

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  2. Today I Paid 7 Dollars to Watch My Child Play

    Today we went to a place called Play U. I have written about it’s sister site at the old abandoned mall before and since last we went it looks like they combined the bouncy house place and this play U into one big playground for kids with arcades, mini golf, bouncy houses, batting cages - even a real indoor soccer field.

    It’s nice. we had fun. That’s not the problem.

    I have no complaints about the venue or the trip. We were there for 2 and a half hours and we only left because we got hungry as we had missed lunch.

    My beef is with the pricing: Like the title says, I paid money to watch her play indoors.

    It cost 15 bucks for her, and 7 bucks for me = 22.00. I don’t have a beef with the cost either. Nobody rides for free. I get it.

    My complaint is you charged me a fee for no value. It’s not like i am going to go in the bouncy house with her or dress up or even play with the legos. My one job is to make sure she has fun and exercise and to get her away from the screen for a few hours today.

    We had the kite but that did not end well so we had to find alternative entertainment for today because she is still home from school.

    This is not the way to do this long term if you ask me because as a parent that has to pay to trail behind the child to the chorus of “Dad, watch me” over and over again. I have already paid. One can only play doctor for so long there - or dress up.

    BTW we also have those things at home and I could have saved the 20 bucks and I would have been closer to my own bathroom and coffee maker if the need be.

    In my mind the 7 dollar charge from Play U is a big F*** U.

    Play U - if you’re reading - just jack the rate to $22.00 a kid and be done with it. Offer a discount for two or more kids and we would be all like “take our money!”

    I wanted the sizzle, but you sold me the steak.

    The restaurants have this figured out. Kids eats free is the same thing - a lie - the restaurants eat the cost of 4 chicken nuggets and instead sell a bowl of spaghetti for 30 bucks each to mom and dad.

    There’s no such thing as free, it’s just hidden.

    Play U, if you’re listening - hide the parent surcharge in the kid’s admission. We will think we’ll be getting a deal because 22 bucks is a small price to pay for a happier child but I’m not happy I had to pay 7 bucks to get there.

    Thankfully, school starts Monday and she’ll be back to the real University on Monday morning . Wait! now that I think of it - this is another example where the school is advertised as “free”, but if you’ve ever paid taxes you know that’s not the truth.

    There’s no such thing as a free ride - it doesn’t matter if it’s on the school bus or down a slide on a bouncy house. We all pay.

    The trick is to make us feel like we’re getting value when we have our wallets out.

    And today? I wasn’t feeling it.

    Until next time,

    TH and Co.

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  3. Princess for a Day

    It’s back to more seasonal correct temperatures tomorrow so we took advantage of the very nice weather we had today. Here’s the skinny on what happened:

    If you’re 7-years-old

    You dance in the sunshine.

    Today was also a good time to wear a sundress to school and then eat popsicles on the front porch when you came home. Then when the the sundress became too hot you changed into the shorts and tank top you see above.

    You didn’t like the carpenter bees hanging around even though we told you they were harmless.

    You also put on some sunscreen and wore a pink fuzzy purse and walked up and down the street with a pink umbrella and sunglasses without a care in the world what the world thought.

    And then you came inside, had dinner and a quick rinse in the tub to wash off the day. Before you went to bed you would have had a facial with mommy and then you would have melted down over nothing at all because it was a long day and you were tired.

    You would have tried to fight it and stay awake but those eyes got heavier and heavier and you were fast asleep by 8pm.

    If you are 60 Years Old

    You would have woken up and got the child off to school.

    You thought about mowing the lawn but boy, the water in the yard is still ankle deep so instead - in morning you cleaned out the garage and put away the snow shovel, at long last.

    Then you might have had an afternoon nap because the yard can wait until another day.

    Later you might have then given ~~our~~ BW’s car the good cleaning it needed to turn it from a rolling garbage can to something that resembles the SUV it was designed to be after a long winter of cookie crumbs and salt stains

    Then you would try to navigate the dog, dishes, the roomba and laundry and meltdowns and other things that need to be done for the day.

    You might also wonder why it hurts to move now that you’ve stopped.

    Keep Dancing. Just don’t stop. Trust me, I know.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  4. Go Fly a Kite

    Today, we flew a kite.

    The weather finally perked up a bit to the mid 50’s and compared to yesterday it was balmy - so we’re taking it - and when she got home from the last day at the zoo she wanted to fly a kite.

    Dad? he wanted a nap.

    We flew a kite. No nap for Dad.

    And then after dinner we had ice cream.

    Kites and ice cream.

    Not bad for a Wednesday in April.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  5. The Nap

    Here’s the scene.

    seal laying on bench

    Photo by Jackman Chiu on Unsplash

    I come home from an afternoon of driving the very nice people of Buffalo, NY around and when I get in the door it’s quiet

    Like, FREAKY quiet

    BW is in the family room buried under a pile of fuzzy yarn working her obsession project of 2026 (this in itself could be a post) and there’s no noise.

    At first, I heard and misunderstood that she was over at Carson’s house but I was wrong. Shewas home, but where.

    “I dunno, upstairs” BW told me

    I did what any concerned parent would do when it was way to quiet. I went a looked.

    She wasn’t in her room, but there was a clue - our bedroom door was closed. Our bedroom door never closes because we like to hear what’s going on

    I went downstairs to tell BW what I had found and she suggested I check.

    “If she’s asleep, I’m not waking her up”, I told BW.

    “She might have her device on her” BW replied.

    Nyeah, she can be bad, but she knows better. She loves that thing too much to mess with the no-device rule that much.

    As I was going to check on her against my instincts, I was met by the child at the top of the stairs.

    “Did you have a NAP?” I asked,

    Turns out that yes, she did have a nap. We keep telling her that naps are needed sometimes and apparently the trampoline at Carson’s house combined with a a healthy dose of fresh air wore her out…and she was out.

    And, you guys - she was a delight tonight. Yes, there was a little bedtime pushback but nothing serious and she PJ’d up and brushed teeth and then played quietly in her room for a good half an hour.

    When she was done, she came looking for me with her favorite stuffy in her hand and told me to tuck her in - she was done.

    When I was tucking her in tonight she told me that she really liked the nap and she might have one the next time after she plays with Carson.

    I gave her a kiss on the forehead and told her that I thought that was a good idea because naps are awesome.

    Tonight’s Lesson: Even the ones that fight naps the hardest eventually succumb to the power of the nap.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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