Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Remember When All They Did Was Sleep?

    A story about the good old days and hope for a better day tomorrow.

    You know, I was thinking about this today as it’s the 7th anniversary of driving her home from the hospital. 1

    Our first night home together. Here I am googling “how to take care of a baby” late on our first night.

    And tonight, of all nights - was the night that she decided to misbehave, and it was all due to bedtime - of course.

    As you can see in the photo above, it was bedtime all the time when she first came home 2 and now tonight it was a struggle and I have to tell you I’m a little disappointed. I don’t expect the child to be a saint all the time - but tonight she misbehaved once again - It was not the worst I have seen, but still not a good way to end the day, and on our anniversary too!

    It all comes down to lack of sleep. When she was a newborn, she was quite happy sleeping as there wasn’t a lot going on yet so heck, might as well sleep, right? Lots of sleep meant a happy baby for the most part. Life was easy - except for the poo - and the screaming - don’t forget the screaming.

    Anyway - now her brain and body move all the time so you would think that they would want to sleep! If you move a lot and are tired you would think that the thing you would want to the most would be to sleep. Apparently it’s the opposite because now her brain and body move all the effing time and this makes bedtime hard. real hard for dear old Dad to deal with

    Take tonight: Tonight was the night of “ I don’t want that”. She did not want her hair washed, she did not want to brush her hair and what really ruffled my feathers tonight- - the child would not go to bed unless it was her way.

    I told her that no, you can’t make a “bed” out of squishmallows. It’s late, Dad has a million things he wants to get done that don’t involve saying “go to bed” over and over and NO you can’t make a squishmallow bed.

    “Go to bed like a normal person”, I told her.

    She was having none of it and got all upset about how sleeping in the bed the right way was like sleeping on a rock and it was too hard and….I didn’t hear the rest of it because I just closed the door on her. You can misbehave, but it doesn’t mean you get an audience.

    I only listen to behaved little girls.

    This brings me back to the photo above where bedtime wasn’t really the problem. All you had to do was feed, hold and change a diaper or two - the rest of the time she was asleep.

    7 years goes by pretty fast - I started with an arm-full and ended up so far with a hand-full.

    The trouble is: despite the troubles, and bedtime wars - I wouldn’t want it any other way.

    Good night, Child. Here’s to many more years of bedtimes - some good, and some bad - but each with their own adventure.

    Sleep tight,

    TH and Co.

    1. I have never driven so slow and carefully before - or since - that day. ↩

    2. except for 3am. Bu ↩

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  2. One Last Time with the Little Green Men

    Also, I learned you can put green food coloring in your OJ for breakfast.

    We were talking about food and stuff this morning at breakfast and as it’s St Patrick’s Day here finally 1 we were mentioning food and colors like green beer and green pasta.2 when she blurted out:

    “I can’t eat cheese and ketchup. It hurts my brain”

    Okay, then.

    Then it was almost time to go to school so I got my little green goblin out the door to do whatever they do at school for the big green day. I don’t care at this point because all I know is that I am done with this holiday for another year.

    The child on the other hand is ready to start her day all decked out in green from head to toe:

    the princess that she is - had to have her T-shirt ironed for today.

    I’m beginning to think she likes this holiday better than Christmas.

    If I had to guess - this is the last year for her believing in little green men that escape her cardboard box traps to come to an end - but you never know.

    I do know this: No Leprechauns were caught again this year, but they did leave her some crayons and some Nerd candies so she’s good with that arrangement.

    There’s always next year.

    Keep on Believing,

    TH and Co.

    PS. I put together a two-page survival guide for getting kids to the school bus on time. Three years of hard-won knowledge. Two pages. Yours. Get it Here

    1. thank god. ↩

    2. we did have the green pasta tonight but we passed on the beer. talk about getting priorities wrong. ↩

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  3. Free Download: The Tidy Husband's School Bus Survival Guide

    Free. Because suffering should be shared.

    I made you something.

    Photo by Timothy Allen on Unsplash

    It’s a guide. A field manual, really. For getting a small person to the school bus on time every morning without losing your keys, your mind, or your pants.

    I am an older dad. I have learned things. Some of them the hard way. Most of them the hard way. And now I am passing this knowledge on to you, free of charge, because that is the kind of guy I am.

    The guide covers:

    — The night before (yes, the night before)

    — The morning (a series of small crises)

    — Emergency protocols (when it all goes wrong anyway)

    It is two pages. It will not take long. Neither does missing the bus, and yet here we are.

    And if you’re new — welcome. I write about being an older dad to a much younger daughter. Every day. It’s funny. Occasionally it’s even true.

    Subscribe below and it shows up in your inbox every morning. Right around the time you’re probably looking for your keys.

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  4. The Last of the Leprechauns

    This is the last night I have to remember how to spell that word.

    last night’s efforts.

    Tonight is the end. It’s St Patrick’s day tomorrow which means that as soon as my child goes to bed tonight I have to create one more mischievous trick that those tiny green men do and then I am done!

    No more green sprinkles, or food coloring or mess to clean up. Tonight is the last night and I have to tell you that even though I shortned up the days the leprechauns came to the house by a lot I still had a hard time trying to figure out what to do.

    I think this could be a game show: The Leprechaun Challenge: The rules would be you’re given some random toys, cookies an sprinkles and you have to make something out of nothing - you try getting creative with a trivet on the kitchen table when it’s late and you really just want to go to bed.

    You’re given 60 seconds to create something that will wow your average 7-yea-old and then the child picks the best mishief from the bunch. NBC - are you listening. This could be huge.

    Tonight, the last of it - I have some green bristol board and a sharpie to make her a big CARD and then I found some “be kind” crayons at the dollar store and a couple NERD candies to sprinkle around and that my friends will wrap up the Leprechaun challenge of 2026.

    Hopefully by this time next year she will be old enough to realize that there are no little green men coming to the house and that Dad won’t have to create five nights of mischief.

    Typing the word “Leprechaun” for the last time this year..

    TH and Co.

    PS. I made a two-page survival guide for getting the child to the school bus on time. It contains everything I know. It took me three years to learn it and two pages to write it. Free. Here it is.

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  5. It was a Perfect Day

    that ended with a lot of squishmallows.

    reading in bed with friends.

    For a crappy day as far as the weather was concerned it was a very good Sunday.

    She watched videos and showed us how to dance to k-pop hunters, and she made us all pay-doh slushies.

    We went on the shortest swim known to mankind today because, boy was it cold. It was like they forgot to turn on the heat. It was so cold. But, she got to show abuela that she can now “swim like a fish” so surviving the frigid waters of the pool was worth it.

    I hate to say this, because I may jinx things, but so far the older she gets - the easier it gets. Yes, there was some struggle in the tub about hair washing but it has been a lot worse so we’re getting there.

    I’ve noticed I am no longer required to stay in bed with her and a good night and a peck on the cheek most nights is all that’s needed. Tonight was 2 trips but it still beat having to fight her to go to bed. She doesn’t know this, but she has a ‘tell’ when she goes to bed. If she puts on the tonie that has the lulllabies I know it’s going to be an easy night.

    I fixed her phone so she can watch her silly YouTube Kid stuff and I introduced her to wireless headphones so I don’t have to hear it - it was a win-win kind of day.

    At dinner she was an eating and talking encyclopedia about whales, and octopus facts and don’t forget the penguins. We now know a lot about the penguins.

    I wish I had more to write about but after our weekend trip disaster I’m happy that the most exciting thing that happened to us was a nap.

    Tomorrow, I am sure it will be back to more stories but for tonight I am calling a quiet day a win.

    Keeping Calm and Reading Books,

    TH and Co.

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