Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. The Treasure Behind the Wall Unit

    It’s amazing what you can find when you stop looking.

    Like all kids do, she was exploring.

    Photo by Loren Cutler on Unsplash

    And I am not sure how but she managed to peek into the space between the wall and the back of the bookshelf/wall unit that we have in the living room. This is not a lot of space: an inch, tops.

    And she found a toy with her little fingers. Actually she managed to find a few toys. Later, I got the broom out and using the handle tried to dig out the rest of whatever the hell was back there and below is just some of the stuff we found:

    Let me tell you about the last time we cleaned behind there: NEVER.

    About 7 years ago BW hired a handyman to go through the entire house and fasten anything and everything that might be able to fall over on the child as a precautionary measure. This was and is a very good idea because things can happen and it’s a good idea to be safe.

    This means that it’s been 7 years since we cleaned back there and the photo you see above is just a taste of the stuff you saw.

    So far this isn’t much of a story, I know. We cleaned behind the bookshelf and we found some dust bunnies and crap. Woo. Hoo.

    Unless, you are Seven. If you were 7-years-old and had a newsletter it would read like this:

    OMG You guys my dad cleaned behind the wall unit and he found a whole lot of stuff behind there that I’ve been missing for ages, but now that I have them again I love them so much and want to play with them over and over again but Dad says I have to go to bed and that’s not FAIR!

    All this to say that the Big Saturday Night here has been playing with long forgotten toys - and sometimes even just parts of toys - and they are the best thing ever. She’s made complete scenarios with some old play-doh bits and a half-eaten squishmallow that looks like the dog has enjoyed more than her.

    Stay tuned for next time when we actually move the wall unit away from the wall to see what’s behind there.

    You never know what you will find when you start to look.

    TH and co.

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  2. The Balloon Rule

    When is it time?

    As I write this, there’s 1 heart balloon, 1 flower balloon, 2 balloons that say happy birthday and one huge number 7 balloon floating against the ceiling in the living room as a leftover reminder from the 7-year-olds birthday.

    It’s been a week.

    Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

    I bought these balloons last Saturday and they are still going strong for the most part, but there’s signs of them starting to die a slow and painful death.

    This brings me to the question I have tonight: when to pop the birthday balloons?

    I am going to hope this will be less of a problem when she’s in her teens but now it’s a real question because I’m tempted to toss them right now, but she still plays with them (one of them currently has a chip clip clipped to it as an anchor of sorts) and they’re cheap entertainment that she never seems to get tired of.

    What happens usually is that the balloons start to lose their stamina and become deflated prunes - a sad reminder of what they once were. After a while, they seem to wander into another room and I swear sometimes I wake up and they’re in another room. This means the house is either haunted or a bit drafty - so I will go with the latter.

    I’ve done some research and I think it’s time for them to go when they hit my eye level instead of being glued to the ceiling. The timing is right for this for a few reasons, but one is by then there’s a good chance the child has lost interest and is on to something else and it’s also time when they’re visible and in the way.

    After a while they become like unwanted house guests - it’s nice to have them around at first but when the party has ended long ago and all the jokes have been told it’s time to go.

    The trick is the child. She must not notice this culling of the balloons so you just can’t grab a pin and go pop, pop, pop! and you’re done. Oh no, you have to do it slowly over days.

    By this time the balloons are not in the same room of the house due to different deflation levels and other reasons that math and science could explain - but I can’t.

    When the time is right - usually when the child is away - you take some scissors and cut a small hole into the balloon. You don’t want to use a pin because it might make a sound and the trick to this is stealth.

    Just like fight club, you do not talk about the balloons and the removal-they just disappear in the night. Whatever you do don’t bring this up with the child. If you talk about the balloons with the child you will be at the balloon store buying more balloons for no other reason than you did this to yourself.

    Once you pop your first balloon and nobody notices then you can go onto the next and then the next until all the balloons are gone. This usually takes about a week or so depending on the balloon size, shape, air capacity and other such things I don’t really understand.

    Then when you’ve got rid of the balloons in the house you will have a week or so of balloon freedom, but like all things in life - it’s cyclical and before you know it, somebody else in the family will have birthday or anniversary or graduation or whatever and it can’t be a party without balloons in the house!

    Enter more balloons, and more days where the child acts like these are the best toys ever invented and they get sung to, and played with and games are invented and they’re tied to chairs and taped to walls and dolls and a lot of fun is had with 8 bucks worth of balloons from the Dollar Store.

    Come to think of it, the Balloon rule is this:

    They can stay as long as they want because they’re a whole lot of fun.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  3. Today You, Tomorrow Me

    A story about getting unstuck.

    Photo by Annie Smurova on Unsplash I

    I should have known better. I was backing up onto the street when I realized I was going too slow to clear the snow at the end of the driveway and I got my little blue car stuck in the snow.

    I tried the reverse/forward thing a few times and that made it worse. Luckily, my neighbor across the street saw me and told me he doesn’t have any golf clubs but he’s got a shovel for every purpose and came over with about 3 of them to help me dig out.

    We both shoveled for a bit and tried a few times but my little car was just in the little crevice at the end of the drive where all the weight shifts the wrong way and it was stranded on top of a mountain of snow from the plow that drove by earlier

    Then my other neighbor came by, and although she’s well into her 70’s I would guess - her grandson in the seat besider her wasn’t and she stopped in front of our house and though I did not hear or see this happen I bet the conversation was “go out and help”

    Even with the extra kid helping, we were still stuck. While we were shoveling a bit more a middle aged woman in a pickup truck with I assume her son came out to help. The younger one made some excuse about why he couldn’t push, but MOM in sneakers and a t-shirt pushed without even thinking about it or finding a jacket. And her help was the last push that we needed to get the car moving and me out of the snowbank at the end of the driveway.

    I was going to get some meds for BW which were kind of important so I quickly thanked everybody and we all went on our way. Then just as I got back from the pharmacy another neighbor noticed that when I came home - I made sure to make a run at our driveway so I would not get stuck again and he came over with his snowblower and cleared the end of the driveway for us so the stuck would happen again.

    Today, it was my turn to need the help and I’m glad you were there to help me.

    Today’s lesson: It’s okay to ask for help - and to offer it when you can as well.

    Keep Warm,

    TH and Co.

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  4. The Beauty Parlor

    It’s too late for me.

    It was just a Wednesday again here. Nothing spectacular happened today.

    And that’s the problem.

    Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

    You see, when I started this wee newsletter I would write about bedtimes and the screaming and struggles of being a Dad with a ~~six~~, now 7 year old.

    I don’t know what the heck happened you guys but seven seems pretty easy so far.

    I still get asked to sit with her at breakfast - because who likes to eat alone, and she’s still silly and happy in the morning and there’s really no trouble lately with her.

    When well rested - she’s just a happy kid. Thus, things are kind of boring lately. We’re even early for the school bus lately. It’s probably the watch to thank for this.

    Parenting here has been so easy the past few days. I make her bed in the am and toss a few pieces of clothes or stuffed animals from the floor to their designated places and that’s it. Maybe this is just a lucky streak but a month ago we were fighting with her to find her bedroom floor.

    Now, I can clean it. It’s weird.

    Maybe it’s just the fact that it’s January and we haven’t seen sunlight for days. Maybe it’s the fact that we’re all in a leftover birthday cake state of mind and its too much effort to be poorly behaved. I have no idea, but it’s awesome.

    I’m sure this is a phase and I’ll be back to regaling you with stories of everyday disasters but for the moment, it’s all quiet on the western front.

    After dinner she wanted to play beauty parlor:

    First I had to reference the style book:

    Then I had to make a selection from:

    1. Eye Shadow
    2. Hair clips
    3. Lipstick
    4. Blush

    Other options not listed were elastic bands, perfume and a hair style.

    Because I have very little hair to talk about the hair brushing was very quick, but I did get a blush and lipstick treatment so I’m good.

    I managed to hide the perfume before she sprayed me with it because that stuff stinks to high heaven. I wanted to toss it but BW tells me she loves it too much and I just have to deal with the over application and the smell that results.

    The big event of the day was that she was the only person in the household that got mail today.

    She received not one but two birthday cards from family and she was thrilled to death with the fact that she was the one that got mail today. To the senders - who are also subscribers here - thank you! It was very kind of you to take the time to wish her happy birthday.

    Fingers crossed for another boring day tomorrow. It might not be the most interesting reading but boy does it make for a much easier time.

    Keeping up with the good behavior,

    TH and Co.

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  5. The Watch

    It’s smarter than me. So is the child.

    Now that she’s seven we all have smart watches. All 3 of us. We’re so cool.

    Photo by Rachit Tank on Unsplash

    And like any of us with any new toy, according to the child this thing is freaking amazing!

    “Hey Dad. Fun Fact!”. and then she tells me about all the things the watch can do:

    I can set my alarm to wake me up for school

    I slept 10.4 hours last night

    It has games!

    Did you want to play a game, Dad?

    It counts my steps. I’ve got 37 so far.

    It tells me when I need to drink.

    Did you know it’s waterproof?

    And so it goes on and on and on. Needless to say the watch is where it’s at for seven year old girls for 2026

    She wanted to take it to school to show her friends on the bus. We told her to be very careful with it and make sure it comes home 1 and to keep good care of it and that she is not to use it in class.

    I also showed her the other side of owning a smartwatch: charging the thing. I wear a lot of different hats here but one job that has fallen on me is to keep track of all the chargers and batteries and powered items - until today.

    Today I told her that if she’s big enough to have a smart watch, then she’s big enough to take care of the watch - and that means keeping it charged. We have enough things to keep charged as it is around here so she can start with her own stuff.

    It’s also kind of hard to mess up. The charger is magnetic so if you get the watch even close to the charger, it sorts it self out and charges. She shouted down the stairs tonight that she’s “got it” when it comes to charging the watch.

    I suggested we sit down and read the manual so what all the watch can do, but I guess that’s too hard or time consuming or less fun because she’s having a heck of a time all by herself figuring it out with all instructions.

    Heck, we’ve even got a “go to bed” alarm set. This might be the best item in the house because tonight was so easy at bedtime I don’t have anything to write about now that my little muse just goes to bed without issue.

    I tried to convince her that she should charge it overnight while she sleeps so it would be ready for tomorrow, but she wants to track her sleep again in hopes it’s more than 10.4 hours.

    It’s like she can’t wait to go to bed now.

    This watch is the best thing ever.

    Keeping track of the time (and every other data point),

    TH and Co.

    1. It came home. ↩

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