Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. This is Seven

    It looks like six - but with easier bedtime routines.

    She put herself to bed tonight.

    Let me repeat this: SHE PUT HERSELF TO BED TONIGHT!

    the birthday girl gets the first slice. It’s the rule.

    If this is what seven-years-old looks like I am all for it. No more screaming, or false tales of being “scared” or hungry or whatever else. I dunno what happened but a guy could get used to this. I asked her to brush her teeth - and she did! Then she futzed around in her room for a bit and then put herself to bed.

    I attribute this to a few things.

    1. Luck
    2. The watch
    3. The light
    4. Age

    If I had to completely guess, number 1 above would be the right answer but because all things aren’t black and white in this world there are some variables to consider.

    1: The watch. She wanted a big girl watch so, so bad and despite the fact that she was dying to know what was in the box that was addressed to me that I would not open in front of her, she was good - and waited until her birthday today and the Birthday Santa came through this year.

    She has learned that the watch has a flashlight, a reminder for her to drink water and she’s also set her own alarm to wake up to go to school tomorrow 1. She loves her new watch.

    2: Birthday Santa also brought her a night light in the shape of a cat that changes colors and even has a remote. We were using a book on top of a table lamp for a night light so this is an improvement for sure.

    Age might have a thing to do with it too but I would put my money on the fact that she received 2 new toys that were bedtime related and she wanted to get to bed as soon as possible.

    And she had a great day for her birthday. She didn’t have to go to school and instead we went sledding. We should have read the tea leaves when we arrived at the hill and there was nobody around, but we were dressed really warm and we did okay for the 20 minutes we were there - the first ride down was a success and then the second resulted in a face plant in the cold snow - and it was really cold - so we packed it in.

    But she did get outside - which was the whole point.

    We just had a really lazy day again due to the snow and cold. She watched her tablet, and played with her toys and lived in her imagination for the day as one seven-year-old does.

    Dinner was homemade gnocchi by hand by Abuela and then of course - the cake. This too was homemade and was an Oreo ice cream cake.

    So, so good.

    It seems like yesterday that the nurse came in and told me to put on the scrubs labeled “father” and for a split second I thought they made a mistake because when I was told to get into these I wasn’t one - and for a split second I was confused and then I realized I was about to be a father right about now - 7 years ago.

    Then it dawned on me and I welcomed her into our world.

    Happy Birthday Little One,

    Love, Dad.

    1. the time of writing, she’s going - but things may change. It’s supposed to be bitterly cold. ↩

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  2. The Birthday Santa

    Wait, what?

    Tomorrow, Monday - is the child’s seventh birthday.

    And due to the current snowstorm, it also means that school is closed again for another snow day. 1. For other children, having a day off from school would be a blessing but not ours.

    She burst into tears because she actually wanted to go to school because when she’s at school on her birthday she’s the chosen one for the day and she gets to share it with her friends and she’s disappointed because she won’t be able to participate.

    Then BW pulled a rabbit out of her hat - actually it was Santa and she told the child that she was going to ask Santa if he could come down and celebrate her birthday. He does have a sleigh after all that’s he’s not using and probably a few bored reindeer that could use to lose a few pounds after all those Christmas treats.

    BW wrote a letter to Santa (actually ChatGTP) and she was answered right away which means SANTA WAS NOT BUSY AT ALL, and he replied that he would love to sprinkle a few gifts at her house because, you know - snowstorm and all.

    The child was delighted with this and the tears stopped in record time but then came the realization that we don’t have a tree to put the gifts under. But, we do have balloons - so let me introduce you to the Birthday Santa Chair:

    She figured that a big bouquet of balloons would be hard to miss in the kitchen and for good measure she left the jingle bell bracelet of hers. Santa, if you’re reading - the ~~Christmas~~ birthday gifts go here.

    Then we realized we had a problem. We had no carrots for Rudolph. I tried to tell her that it was probably okay because the reindeer go on a diet this time of year after not seeing the gym over the holidays, but she insisted we leave them something.

    We decided on cucumbers. With a note to explain the situation:

    The note reads:

    Dear Santa,

    We don’t have carrots. You’ll have to use ~~lettuce~~ cucumbers.

    Love, The child.

    And that’s how the Birthday Santa tradition was created - now to be repeated year after year.

    And now that I think of it, the Birthday Santa thing might be better than the real thing at Christmas- less stress for all of us, there’s still gifts to wake up to - and we also get to have blow out candles and eat cake at the end. This will definitely be an annual tradition at our house from now on, regardless of the weather.

    Keeping Santa on speed dial,

    TH and CO.

    1. Lord, help us all. I’ve lost count at this point. ↩

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  3. Storm Preparation

    Winter is Coming. Again

    Photo by Fabio Fistarol on Unsplash

    It was -7 when the child woke up. I rolled over and woke up when it was a balmy -1. One of the benefits of her being almost 7 years old is that she’s old enough to find herself something to eat.

    There have been days where she had an unsupervised breakfast of gummy bears, and after I told her that was not a healthy way to start her day, she agreed and usually grabs a banana or apple so there’s hope for the child.

    It’s not official but with the entire country under a snow storm warning we’re hunkered down for the next few days at least. Her birthday is Monday and there’s a party at school for her but that’s if school is not cancelled with another snow day which is looking possible.

    This means I had to leave the house in the bitter cold today before I get snowed in. We didn’t need food or blankets or anything emergency related.

    I risked the cold instead for birthday balloons.

    I also picked up some new crayons, and coloring book to help us through this coming storm and looking at the forecast I fear it may be not enough to help us in the entertainment department.

    But, we’re all ready for the storm safe and sound and almost 7!

    Also, we have balloons. Now we can party.

    Keep warm,

    TH and Co.

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  4. Home from The Great Wolf Lodge

    Minus one sword. Yes, that sword

    We are home from the Great Wolf Lodge, but somehow in the business of getting out the door and trying not to forget anything - the pink sword got lost. Yes, that sword.

    It was fun while it lasted.

    Thankfully due to the fact that the child is so so SO tired - she has not asked for it so we’re just going to ignore the sword ever happened. If push comes to shove, I can get a replacement on eBay. I think I’m to blame because I was the one juggling 3 suitcases and 3 swords and stuffed animal in the frigid temps loading the car in the snow, and I think the pink sword got dropped on the way to the car.

    So. We shall not speak of the sword. The sword did not exist.

    We have decided that 2 nights is as long as any person can exist there. The child did not know who she was because she was so tired by the end of our stay. In the morning, we got packed up and out of the room, but still needed to swim more so the logistics of what to pack in the car and what to leave out needs a chart.

    When we figured out what we would need to go swimming there was the issue of the “the locker”. BW’s colleague warned her that lockers go fast there so she was right at the door when they opened at 9am for us to get a locker..

    Once lockered, we had breakfast where the child was so tired she barely ate, but she did have enough energy to wave her magic wand at the tree one last time or two for it to magically light up. It’s possible we lost the sword at the restaurant, but whatever - it’s gone.

    We then got to the locker stuffed all our coats and crap into the locker and changed into swimsuits for about 45 minutes of swimming total.

    It took us 2 hours to get packed and fed and into the pool only to swim for less than an hour, so yeah.

    To be honest, it was no fun for any of us. The child was tired and walking around like a zombie and the water park was filling up with people at an exceptional rate. It got to the point where there were so many people that it stopped being fun.

    So, after “one more ride”, we fought with the locker and the wet swimsuits and returned the towels and I went out and dug out the car and picked up the ladies at the front door.

    24 minutes later, we were home

    BW mentioned this but when you live this close to the resort/hotel it’s really nice because you don’t have to stop and pee, gas up or get lost. If there were not an international border between us we would have been home any faster.

    Thankfully, we did remember the stuffed animal that is now her favorite stuffed animal - even moreso than “Don” - her we must got to bed with him at any cost toy. It’s probably just a phase, but this is serious with the new Great Wolf Lodge Bear.

    Once home, I drove across town and picked up the dog from doggy daycare and swung by the grocery store and picked up the groceries and then came home where we are never leaving the house again until spring.

    Oh! - When we got home, the first thing that came out of the child’s mouth was

    “I’m bored”.

    This is how you know we’re home again. (minus the sword)

    Stay warm,

    TH and Co.

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  5. Still Great at Great Wolf Lodge.

    We need more swords.

    I thought when I heard we were going to GWL that the swimming would be the thing, but nope.

    It’s the swords.

    I already mentioned yesterday that we coughed up a few bucks for a penguin light up bubble blowing machine…pffft, That’s beginner stuff.

    Let me introduce you to the ultimate money maker:

    This is called a Magic Quest sword thingy game…I’m not sure. The “Quest” is to suck as much money as possible from you when your offspring sees other kids turn on the lights in the “tree” in the restaurant with their magic wands and you’re still trying to figure out why this thing exists or what it does.

    Our little wizard is too small or overwhelmed for all this but the idea is you aim this thing at a screen and then it gives you a map and you aim the wand at treasure chests arranged in the hallways that tell you that you earned points. Im sure there’s an entire reddit group for this, but for us it’s just too much..she opened a few treasure chests and of course turned the tree lights on - and we are good.

    We done with swords now -yes?

    OH NO. Up next is a.bright yellow balloon sword we found during the balloon activity in the afternoon

    We will be leaving with THREE different swords. One shoots bubbles, one shoots invisible light beams and the other make s a lot of noise and is a true weapon in the wing hands and is as annoying as you can imagine.

    So ya- swords. We’ve got them.

    But wait! Let me tell you about the swimming, because that’s why we are here.

    As a non swimmer, this is my least favorite part, but then I went and had a daughter who is my most favorite person and the next thing you know- I’m swimming.

    She took it easy on me first and told me to be brave by floating down a tube in the lazy river.

    I’m lazy, and did well here. No problem

    She then upped the ante and brought me into the pool. We both stayed in the shallow end and she showed me how she’s getting better and I survived hearing “Dad, watch me - a million times.

    She’s a better swimmer. The lessons might be paying off.

    Then, because we got a “free” photo I got talked into getting into a big blue tube with my entire family and then sliding down what seemed to be the longest time of my life inside a bright yellow tunnel at full speed.

    I keep telling everyone Dad is old and afraid of water but they did not listen,. and forced me to tube in true panic mode.

    I tubed. I panicked. I survived.

    When we went to pick up our photo, which was the entire point of me going so we could have photographic evidence of this trip as a family and GWL failed me.

    The photo wasn’t taken so no photos

    We did that to meet a baby crocodile though. This is “Gary”

    To summarize

    1. We have more swords than medieval times
    2. We were all brave when it came to swimming
    3. Swimming makes you tired.

    We’re getting one last swim in after breakfast and then we pack up and head home as our two nights here to celebrate 7 years old comes to an end

    If anybody needs a sword, let me know. We have extras.

    TH and Co.

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