Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Fat (ish)

    I’ve started to feel gravity’s pull a little more than I would like.

    pink and white flower decor

    Photo by Lore Schodts on Unsplash

    The child has noticed.

    Today, while waiting for the plumber to install the hot water heater the child had decided that I need to get busy and “get buff”.

    Buff. Where the heck did “buff” come from?

    I have never been buff. I would not know buff if I got run over with buff. But she has decided that I be buff.

    “You can’t drink any more Diet Coke Dad, and no more fats!”, she exclaimed as drug me downstairs to do… exercises.

    She was my little personal fitness trainer and I was her student.

    We talked about going on Mommy’s Peleton and we decided that would be a bad idea because we both don’t know how it works. So, we stuck with the weights:

    First, I lifted the 2lb dumbells, and then the 5lb and then my little strong fitness intstructor showed ME how to lift a 15 lb weight. Think about it - that’s about a third of her weight.

    If I had to lift a third of my weight, I would be under the thing and would not be able to lift it, I am sure and probably be calling 911.

    After the weights, my little fitness crazed offspring made me do push-ups.

    PUSH-UPS!. You guys, here’s my day: Wake - kid breakfast - school for her/uber driving for me. - come home, eat, clean and play a bit on the computer at night writing about being told I am too fat and I need to exercise. Dad doesn’t have any time for exercise. No, scratch that - Dad doesn’t want to make time for exercise.

    Dad likes donuts. Also, Pie.

    One would think that after the push-ups my little instructor would have given me a break, but nope - then she brought out the hula hoop. Let’s just say that there’s no hula-hoop olympics in my future and leave it at that.

    After the hula-hooping, Dad needed a coffee break so I fired my personal trainer and she went back to her tablet and Dad went back to cleaning.

    Later tonight we got on the topic of what we did today and how Mommy is NOT fat and that I should do what she is doing because she looks great! (she does). The child should have stopped there but out of the mouths of babes:

    “Dad, you’re not REALLY fat. You’re just fat-ish” she told me.

    Fat-ish. Humph.

    I prefer calling my waistline my “ab protector”. It has a better ring to it than “fat-ish”

    At least I’m still standing. :)

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  2. Card Bored Day

    We slept in, BW and I.

    One of the many projects containing cardboard today. …

    When we awoke, the child had made herself a mini-wheats on white bread sandwich and was glued to her videos. That’s the best part of parenting - it gets better/different over time and you realize that they need you less and less over time. Until, that is - they think you’re an ATM , But, that’s to come.

    So, yeah. It was rainy. Add rain and indoors, and you get a bored child.

    This is the last day where we can do nothing at all. BW starts work tomorrow, and she starts school later this week. This was the day of rest here — for the adults at least. The child? I told her to deal. We’re not going/spending/playing/learning - any of the “ings”. The only “ing” you get to learn today is “boring”.

    So she did what any child would do. She played with the box.

    She made ramps, boats, pizza boxes and a roller coaster even - out of a cardboard box.

    But the highlight was the fashion show. I forget where I was, but I came back to find her like this:

    “Hey Dad, do you like my new outfit?”, she asks.

    “Oh lovely”, I replied.

    School starts Thursday, folks. THURSDAY.

    PS> our water heater broke down so it’s cold showers or getting stinky here and we’re not sure which is worse. Repair guy comes tomorrow, so stay tuned…..

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  3. The Tiny Dancer

    When she was born, for reasons we’re not sure - we had Tiny Dancer by Elton John on repeat a lot. Fast forward a few years, and now we have our own tiny dancer:

    and I don’t know how it came up, but yesterday on the way to get ice cream - and eventually scraped knees - the topic came up about Elton John.

    Wait- Now, I remember: she was singing “I’m Still Standing”, by Elton in the back seat of the car. I have no idea how or why she picked up that tune but that’s the one that was in her head and then the topic came up about Elton.

    Then she asked me if I listened to Elton “back in the day” and I replied, yes. In fact — I told her — when I was your age Elton was pretty much at his peak and he’s still at it all these years later.

    WAIT!!? She exclaims - ELTON JOHN IS STILL ALIVE?

    Mind. Blown.

    Her pretty little head could not comprehend. She just assumed any music that Dad listens to must be from artists no longer with us 1

    Yup, his hairline has disappeared long ago, but last I checked Elton is still alive on this earth.

    You might even say he’s still standing. :)

    1

    Which, sadly - the older I get, is becoming the truth.

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  4. Skinned Knees in Summertime

    It’s hard to run and look backwards when your little body is growing and so you live and learn.

    ouchie

    Our day was pretty great today, even considering our little mishap.

    BW started YEAR 19 at her place of employ:

    So it was just the child and I with the entire day ahead of us. Our morning was pretty lazy, she watched the screen while I mowed the front lawn now that the roofers are gone and then before you know it - it was time for lunch.

    She made a picnic lunch and took her sandwich, vegetables and drink and sat outside happy as a lark with a towel to sit on in the front yard. After a bit I joined her and she ran up and down the sidewalk showing me how fast she could run. Once she hit the corner, she saw our poor neighbor and talked her ear off about god knows what.

    Then, errands. Dad needed to get the car washed so we drove through (“oooh colors”. ) and then she wiped and I vacuumed.

    Then, the reward:

    Super Hero ice cream. If you ever wonder why we have a trouble with thin in this country the portions might be the reason - this example she is eating is the baby sized. My small was TWICE that and I still have doubts whether this was a good idea. I have no idea who is ordering double or triple scoops or how they are surviving afterwards.

    She almost ate the entire thing too. I thought no way, but she got real close to the finish line and then begged for mercy near the end. I thought we would just go home and chill after the ice cream run but she had other idea.

    She wanted to go on a walk at a park to explore, and I told her I knew just the place:

    we went to Lasalle Park in Niagara Falls. We looked over the edge and we discussed how this water would make it’s way to the real Niagara Falls eventually. Then she got bored and wanted to explore.

    She was off on the path skipping and running happily and then she turned around to see if I was behind her while still moving forward and here’s the lesson of the day:

    You have to look where you are going.

    Of course, all accidents like this happen in slow motion and you can see those skinny little legs getting all mixed up on the way down. She lands, looks confused for a minute and then the screaming began.

    “ I want Mommy!”, she howled as I got her to the car. I may be the parent for some things when it comes but when it comes to being sick or in pain, mommy is the one.

    It was a horrible drive home for both of us. All I had was a tissue for her knee, so I drove as fast as possible while she is screaming at full volume about the pain and she wants mommy or the dog or anybody but me and being in the stupid car. This is the 2nd time this week I have had her in my car screaming.

    I get her home, knees and elbows washed and then we start applying the bandaids. Let’s just say we need to buy more bandaids in.

    I got her comfortable on the couch and she watched shows on her tablet. Then I was puttering around putting away bandaids and tidying up and I heard a voice - I thought it was coming from her tablet, but there was a little person in the front hall, and it was her long lost BFF Carson. She saw him and hesitated whether she wanted to play with Carson or milk the skinned knee thing with Dad and she picked…

    Carson. She wanted to use her scooter and as she scooted down the driveway I asked if she was up to it.

    “It’s not like my leg is broken Dad. Geez”

    They grow up so fast…

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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  5. Getting Down and Dirty

    Today, we went digging in the dirt.

    of course she found the only puddle for miles.

    And I have to tell you, it was a lot of fun.

    We went to Penn Dixie Fossil Park

    Here’s what AI has to say about it:

    Penn Dixie Fossil Park in Hamburg is a great example of Western New York accidentally turning its industrial past into something pretty remarkable. The site was originally a quarry, where companies mined shale and limestone beginning decades ago to supply the nearby cement plant.

    In the 1950s, the quarry came under the Penn-Dixie Cement Company, which hauled the rock about a mile to its plant along Lake Erie and used it to make Portland cement. Quarrying ended by the early 1970s, leaving behind a seemingly barren pit—but that exposed rock turned out to contain an extraordinary record of a shallow sea that covered Western New York about 380 million years ago.

    After years of abandonment and illegal dumping, local residents and scientists fought to preserve the site, and the Town of Hamburg purchased it in the 1990s. Today, that old industrial quarry is Penn Dixie Fossil Park, where you can walk into an ancient Devonian seafloor and actually take home the fossils you find.

    We went early for a 10 am slot and stayed almost two hours, digging in the dirt.

    We picked a spot to dig and then we started to …well, dig. At first we didn’t do too well for some reason - she found a few but a few feet away other families were having much better luck than us, but that’s okay because Dad brought snacks so we drowned our sorrows in orange slices.

    We finally decided to move, and she found a little puddle about 2 feet wide that she decided that the fossils must have lived so she dug there. She dropped her hat, got both feet in the mud but had a great time so whatever. Today it was all about the water for her.

    It took me about ten minutes to get back on my feet. This is a young person’s game. There were a few seniors out there, and I am pretty sure they have been there since last week sometime.

    Then I mentioned we might go to McDonald’s for lunch because it’s a special treat with Dad mostly because rightfully so Mom doesn’t want to go and Mom had a meeting at home so we had to kill a bit of time. Besides, it was lunchtime and the toy was Hello Kitty meets Godzilla or something like that.

    Home, and a much needed shower for her and a nap for dear old Dad and that was our day!

    Oh, the roof: ALMOST DONE. We just need to have gutters installed sometime next week

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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