Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Office Space

    We need more supplies.

    I’ve written before how she has found the junk drawer:

    But, her creative streak continues to tear through the house like a wildfire and there’s been a considerable uptick in the usage of office supplies here.

    Especially when it comes to adhesive tape.

    For example, I found the above on the floor today when I heard something fall from the Christmas tree after the dog brushed by it.

    It seems to be an ornament that she made with some magic marker tops 1 and the empty tape dispenser. Talk about getting the most use out of your roll of tape to have the idea to create tape dispenser gifts: Soon available on Etsy!

    You cannot move 3 feet in this house without seeing evidence of the tape consumption habit she has:

    Artwork by Mommy. Signage by the child. Clock by China

    There’s signs for the bedroom, the family room - you name it. There’s also scraps of paper taped to the walls that are the remnants of a game or idea in her head too.

    We have signs everywhere. And this uses a lot of tape. This does not include the prototypes that were made and discarded, or the little pieces of tape that get stuck to the floor.

    I’ve got in the habit of when I pop in the dollar store to get a cheap soda to also pick up a few rolls of tape to toss into the never ending abyss known as our junk drawer so my little creative one has enough supplies.

    Then there’s the paper. She’s found my stash of office paper and helps herself like I would to a box of donuts when nobody is looking. Today, we gifted her with her own ream of paper.

    Before this, 500 sheets of paper would last me oh, months. Now? She can go through it in no time. She took her tape and pens upstairs for a bit and then came down with day 2 of our conference papers where we had to learn math (again!) before we could send her to bed tonight.

    And don’t get me started on the Sharpies. We have told her many many times to stay away from them because they make permanent marks and when you create art like she does the studio can be anything and we don’t want to have to Google “how to get sharpie marker off the couch”

    Now that all the sharpies have disappeared, she has switched to ball point pens which I suppose are a bit better - but not by much - and then we have no pens in the house, but that’s another problem.

    I never thought when having a child that the constant searching for full/working/existing office supplies would be a thing in the house, but here we are.

    Signing off while I can still find a pen,

    TH and Co.

    1. I am assuming the actual markers are lost, or more likely - have travelled through the dog. ↩

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  2. The Conference

    Complete with name tags, of course

    conference room wall art. 2025, paper and crayons on construction paper.

    I was standing in the kitchen when all of sudden, I’m approached by the child and she hands me a name tag with my name on it. Mommy gets one too - but the dog gets left out.

    Today, we’re having a parent-child conference chaired by your favorite six-year-old.

    The topic is school. We have to prove we know the following topics:

    1. 1. Social Studies
    2. 2. Math
    3. 3. Math
    4. 4. Math

    As you can see, math was quite the subject this year at..I don’t know what this conference was called - how about FAMILYCON? That’s got a nice ring to it.

    Our conference started with the chair handing out paper and pens and then she got to work. We had to write down topics about social studies.

    I wrote about monkeys and how much cheese is too much cheese. This was not what was anted and I ddin’t pay attention to the conference so I got and F+ as a grade.

    Then, the math.

    In 2025, 1st grade math is new to us senior execs, but we were showed how to use the “number bond” and the “ten frame” to help solve our math questions. But this time I paid attention and got an A+ on math.

    And they say math is hard. Ha!

    I wish I could tell you why this meeting was called, but that pretty much sums all conferences and meetings.

    It was a complete waste of time.

    Well, except for the memories. Those were A+ as well.

    Keep Talking,

    TH and Co.

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  3. The Swimming Lesson

    I’m not quite sure what lesson was learned - or by whom.

    Today, like every Sunday at 11:45am, we have swimming lessons.

    Photo by Raphaël Biscaldi on Unsplash

    Easy, right? No rush, we get up when we want and have a nice family morning with bacon and eggs and a slow start on a gray Sunday.

    Yeah…not so fast.

    The problem with lazy mornings, is it’s hard to get the child un-lazied and ready to go swimming. I hopped in the shower and asked BW if she could coax a bathing suit and some clothes on our offspring so we could go and get there

    I just stepped into the shower when the screaming started:

    BW: Put your swimsuit on!

    Child: “You’re ruining my life!”

    I’m not sure about the particulars of how things went down, but down then went.

    Meanwhile, I am in the shower and I have two thoughts.

    1. I should go help BW
    2. Hell, NO.

    I chose option number two obviously and pretended I couldn’t hear anything… lalallallalala - I can’t hear you……

    When I came out of the shower things were down to a dull roar and BW was in a corner whimpering and the child was bright red from crying her heart out.

    I managed to get the child to get some socks on and somehow we managed to remember to bring some underpants for her to change into and we get out the door with just enough time, and with all the supplies we need.

    We get to the Swimming lessons and there’s not a soul there.

    OMG. You have to be kidding me. All the tears and screaming and rushing - for nothing?

    Turns out, some kid barfed in the pool in an earlier time slot so by the time we got there there was not a soul around anywhere because they closed the pool.

    All that screaming and crying and coaxing and warming up the car and scraping the ice off, and buckling in - for naught.

    We went home.

    Turns out there was a message sent about the pool closure - but I missed it on my phone because I wasn’t glued to my phone because it was a lazy Sunday morning with the family.

    There’s always next Sunday for the lessons to happen again.

    Assuming no barfing, of course.

    Keep Swimming,

    TH and Co.

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  4. I ❤ Wi-Fi

    The problem is we all do. A little too much at times

    “The internet is down!”, the child bellowed from the family room.

    Photo by Praveen kumar Mathivanan on Unsplash

    At the time, I was online writing and I noticed too.

    The child came running to me with panic in her eyes.

    “ What will we do?, she exclaimed”

    “I dunno, read a book”, I told her in my Dad voice.

    “Noooooooo”, she whined.

    The first thing I did was to check the app I have learned when the internet goes down.

    . Yup, our internet was going to be down for an hour or so. We will survive.

    At least I will - my solution was to go have a nap. The writing could wait. BW asked me if I was serious and I told her darn tooting’ I was, and I went to lie down for nap.

    Just as I was dozing off, I heard the child scream “the internet is back!!”.

    Oh thank God. I was about to call 911.

    You know, it’s sad how much we have relied on this internet thing. I checked earlier today and we have 34 devices currently connected to our router. We are not running an internet service provider her I swear and we’re not an AI data center -. We have a smart TV, a couple of tablets and phones and some appliances 1 and before you know it we’re at 34.

    No wonder the child gets freaked out when the internet service goes out. She knows no other world. Yes, she likes to read and write, but also has since day one of school - she used a computer at school and been connected to the internet. She knows no other way.

    So for her the lack of internet access is like losing the ability to learn. Her young mind does not understand the world of dial up phones and the freedom of not being able to look up every little thing and be tracked/monitored with every click (or step you take) She thinks all the knowledge, entertainment — everything — comes from the little black box in Mommy’s office called a modem.

    Tonight as I closed the door to her room, out of the blue she blurted out the headline you see above.

    Yes, we all love the internet here. A bit too much - maybe we should go outside for a bit and touch snow/grass whatever and leave the internet alone for a while.

    It will be back when we come home.

    Maybe.

    Reluctantly offline,

    TH and Co.

    1. of all things, we don’t need the internet for - this would be it. ↩

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  5. The Babysitter

    I got a new job today. The boss is a tyrant

    I’m a parent.

    But we also have a new parent in the house too. It’s the child.

    Something shifted this week and ever since the child has been walking around with this Abby Cadabby Doll all week pretending it’s her baby and she even holds her by the head and rear end as she’s been taught.

    Before this, she would be hot and cold with the toy and save for a few weeks when she was much smaller she didn’t give much attention to the toy. Sure, it would go in circulation with the other stuff, but it was not the highlight.

    But now, right now - Abby is the highlight. This toy gets fed, talked to and cared for like no other in her toy box, and this morning on the way out the door I was pulled into the fray of make-believe childcare too.

    You see, while she was at school I was given the responsibility for this doll..

    There’s a few problems here:

    1. It’s a doll. I may ~~act~~ write like I know how to care for a doll, but I don’t. Heck, you guys read this newsletter. I’m winging it here - every day.
    2. The child has standards in daycare and I will not be able to meet them. I did not spend the entire day playing with this doll as per her orders.
    3. Also, I’m not licensed in doll care.

    The other fact is that the thing the doll is sitting on - in the photo above - is a travel pillow. To the child it’s one of those chairs for toddlers to sit in, so she has commandeered it and made it for the doll - but to you and I it’s an air travel pillow from Mexico that we may never see again now that it’s claimed for it’s new use.

    At some point during the day, I moved the crayons and trinkets around this doll in a travel pillow to prove to the child that I kept my word and played with her and the child didn’t believe me at first until she saw that the crayons and trinkets had indeed been moved and she gasped with appreciation that I actually listened to her. I will say, it was cute.

    You guys, I got to the job! I’m now the official doll babysitter of the household!

    As it stands at week’s end I am now in charge of the entire household.:Sick wives, children and now dolls.

    Oh, and dogs. We can’t forget the dog.

    Keeping the watch over all the things,

    TH and Co.

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