Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. The Floor is Lava

    And not hot enough apparently

    This is a story about bedtime.

    Photo by Alain Bonnardeaux on Unsplash

    We got lucky for a few nights when we introduced the rule that after 8pm, the floor turns into lava and she can’t get off the bed.

    But, like all things novel, after a bit of time it wears off and we’re back to chasing her to bed. I look up at the clock and it’s been an hour since she was supposed to go to bed and now she’s down playing the “I’m scared” card.

    Yeah, nice try. Let’s go to bed.

    I get her all tucked in and as I’m just about to say goodnight when we realize that the one stuffed animal she must have to go to bed with is nowhere to be found.

    I want to give a kudos to BW who is smart enough to go to bed before the child does so I get to experience the joys of bedtime.

    This thing could be anywhere. Sometimes it gets downstairs on the couch or sometime even the kitchen table.

    We even asked the dog.

    Sigh. I go and get the flashlight because my eyesight in the dark isn’t what it used to be and we look in the usual places:

    1. The dog bed.
    2. Under the bed. We find a lot of other stuff under the bed though.
    3. In the dresser. Nope.

    The next step is to strip the bed thinking that perhaps it will be in the blankets and sheets,- but still no love.

    Now it’s pushing an hour and a half past bedtime and dear old dad is starting to get a little cranky about finding this toy.

    It could be under the myriad of stuffed animals on the bedroom floor that have been tucked in with each of them having their own blanket and lo and behold we found it!

    By this time, she knows she’s worn out Dad’s patience looking for this toy so she grabs it, hops in the bed and pulls up the covers over her chest and tells me goodnight.

    Goodnight, sleep tight.

    I know I will miss these days, but I wonder what I will do with my time when I don’t have to look for stuffed animals anymore?

    Oh, right. I’ll be driving her to the Mall instead.

    Keep Searching,

    TH and Co.

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  2. The Wish Book

    Now with more crap from China

    Remember the Sears Wish Book?

    Photo by Tijana Drndarski on Unsplash

    As we all know, that’s loooong gone - because the internet, but there’s an alternative:

    The Amazon Book.

    It’s new and improved with higher prices and tariffs to make your holiday extra expensive this year.

    Well, one of these things showed up at the house and if you’re six-years-old this should be high on the must read books of fall. It has been thumbed through, walked around with, stepped on, fell asleep on and generally not too far from the child at all times.

    I have been shown every item in it and sold on why this would be good for her this holiday season.

    This is the year of the Christmas Wish.

    It’s also the year of “No”.

    The problem is there’s nothing in it. Nothing.

    All of the stuff in the book is just crap.

    Let me explain:

    There are 3 categories of toys here:

    1. The will never happen category - this includes guns, Barbies, knives, MAGA hats or anything gold.
    2. The you’re too old category - That ship has sailed. You don’t need the ice cream making set as it’s for 3 year olds and a lot of the Melissa and Doug stuff falls in the category. We’ve already made them rich, and now it’s time for Apple to get all our money when you’re a little older and start to ask for an iPhone.
    3. The “that’s just crap category - This includes any toy made by Mr. Beast and anything that states you have to “collect them all”. Also, you don’t need any more squishmallows - the dog just eats them anyway.

    This does not leave you with a lot of choices this year, so we’re just going to ask Santa for a Nintendo Switch 2 and hope you get it and like it because you’re really at that age where toys are no longer the fun they once were and yet you’re too young for an iPhone.

    It’s hard to shop for this age I am finding out. You would think that with all the crap that’s available we would have a hard time choosing, but the fact is she’s lucky enough to not be wanting for anything.

    Of course, there will be something under the tree for her, but it will be less this year: partly due to fiscal constraints but partly due to the fact that she’s good when it comes to stuff.

    She was never much into stuff.

    Today she had the time of her life making chips out of paper and guacamole out of some green wrapping paper while using the best gift of all:

    Her imagination.

    Keep Shopping,

    TH and Co.

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  3. Physically Pfffftt

    A story about exercise and lack thereof.

    I don’t understand how runners do it.

    Photo by USAMA AKRAM on Unsplash

    I have tried more than once to run. I’ve tried doing it by myself, and using some systems like couch to 5k, but no matter how hard I try, the couch wins.

    I could use the excuse of no time to run, but I am not sure that’s it. I just hate running. There’s no high for me and I’m not invested enough to track times and stats.

    But. I may have to start.

    You see, today I went on a walk with the child. She scoots, I walk.

    Until she tells me to run.

    “ RUN? Dad is old. Dad doesn’t run”

    “Oh, come on Dad. First you walk fast, and then you jog and then you eat healthy and then you run a marathon”, she told me.

    “Just try it”, she said.

    So, I pushed her and jogged. And almost died.

    “Come on, Dad - push me again!”.

    “Push me faster, Dad”.

    I jogged some more. I was starting to get hot. It started feel uncomfortable

    This feeling was unfamiliar.

    My smart watch noticed I was moving and asked if I was okay and if I wanted to start tracking this run.

    Track it? I want it to end.

    Finally our ‘walk’ was over and off in the distance was the light at the end of the tunnel:

    It’s called the couch.

    Keep Moving.

    TH and Co.

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  4. Customer Obsessed

    Yeah, right.

    Photo by Andrew Stickelman on Unsplash

    When I started delivering packages for Amazon back in the day, the first thing they drilled into you was to be “customer obsessed”.

    Yeah, right. You’re paying some slacker kid 20 bucks an hour so that Karen gets her meds and that will complain when you don’t deliver to the back door like she requested - the door that requires you to swim across a moat filled with alligators and oh, don’t worry - the dog doesn’t bite.

    That kid’s not obsessed. He just wants to toss your package on the front porch and “dip”, as they say. He might be obsessed about his McDonald’s lunch or the rap music coming from the stereo in the van but despite what Jeff says: He is not customer obsessed.

    Jeff might be, and some of his underlings might make an effort, but the final mile folks? They could care less.

    And there’s the rub: nobody really cares. The kid in the Amazon van is just trying to pay rent and feed his kids.

    Jeff is too busy polishing his boat to notice.

    This leads to the big question:

    Where has all the service gone?

    I got to thinking this as I waited almost 2 hours for an annual inspection to be done on the car. This should not have taken this long. I drive an electric car. There are hardly any parts to check.

    No motor, no exhaust, no..nothing. A big battery, some brakes and some wheels with tires on them.

    I did all the right things: I booked the appointment with the AI bot and have a reservation for the service. I showed up five minutes early. Not too early, and not late…juuuust right.

    I even joked with the guy at the desk that this should not take long.

    It took long.

    What happened? Welcome to the new world where nobody gives a f***. What’s the worse I was going to do? Leave a bad review on Google? Act like a Karen and end up on Tik-Tok?

    Take my business down the street? They may have a different mission statement but the kid in the back rotating tires is getting paid the same so the fucks given are the same too.

    The folks at the desk are not getting paid any great amount so they stopped caring because the small regional tire shop is now bought out by a national chain who I bet has their own slogan about customer service that the CEO is the only person who knows what it is.

    The poor guys in the back actually doing the work are even worse off and I bet flipping burgers pays more than slugging tires so they’re in the IDGAF category too.

    The only people that “care” are the CEO’s with their slogans and they haven’t had to take their own car for inspection in well…ever, I bet.

    Another example of crappy service:

    After 13-ish years of being married 1 BW’s ring was missing a small diamond and seeing as how I bought it, it was my responsibility to get it fixed. I can do this.

    I talked to the AI bot and got things figured out and sent it in a pre-paid box and shipped it off to the online store. So far so good.

    Then we wait. and wait and wait and wait.

    Nothing. I go online and it states that it will ship back to me that day. Perfect.

    I wait a few more days and still no ring. I ask the bot again and now it tells me that today is now the day the ring will ship. Okay weird, but shit happens. I wait.

    Still NO ring. I check the BOT again and it once again states that swear to god - today is the day it will ship - pinky promise. Yeah, sure…

    I decide the bot is obsessed with fucking with me at this point so I jump through all the hoops and get a person who reads me the exact same thing that the stupid bot has been telling me. They have no new information and no way to check. At this point her diamond ring is “in the system”, but that’s all they can tell me

    In the end it all worked out and a day later BW’s ring is back on her finger and she’s happy so I’m happy.

    But that’s not the point.

    What I’m not happy about is customer service overall. It’s not about my 2 recent experiences. It’s the fact that good customer service happens so few and far between that at this point I have a better chance of seeing a double rainbow than I do actually getting what I was told I would get when I plunked down my money.

    Money is getting less and less valuable so when and if we do have any we stop now and think about where we want to spend it. Lately I have rarely seen service so I might as well save my money

    Everything is so shitty. Streaming services that delete shows, Prices rising and rising but the value for the dollar is getting worse and worse. Even a Big Mac Value Meal is pushing ten bucks these days.

    My last rant: I pay for a music streaming service that offers 3000 gajillion songs. They have the album I wanted but only about 3 songs are listenable. All the others are grayed out. What the hell is that? I paid for all the songs, not 3 out of ten.

    Just one more example of a where the slogan is much better then the implementation.

    I know, I know….

    My satisfaction is important to you - or at least that’s what the sign on the wall says.

    TH and Co.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

    1. why she puts up with me I will never understand. ↩

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  5. Disney is The Universal Language of Six Year Olds Everywhere

    They don’t care about boycotts and drama.

    I’ve not really kept abreast of the news of the day, but there’s been something to do with Disney and folks are boycotting them. I think Jimmy Kimmel is involved but I’m not sure so you’ll have to do your own research on this.

    Photo by PAN XIAOZHEN on Unsplash

    But this isn’t about politics or other dramas.

    This is about six-year-old girls and their love of all things Disney and the fact that they don’t care about politics at all.

    What they do care about is Disney Movies and today while I was driving people around in my little blue car I had the pleasure of having a young couple from Russia in the car with their six-year-old girl.

    This little one was smart and full of questions.

    And she wasted no time asking me them.

    Up first was my name, so I told her.

    Then I told her that I have a little girl about her age. This piqued her interest and she wanted to know where she was (at school) and what her name was.

    I asked her about her name and she told me and then she proceeded to tell me all the things she was going to do and the fun she was going to have in Niagara Falls.

    I replied every time with “neat” to all the things she was going to do.

    She asked “What is this neat? I don’t understand” and I told her it means
    ”fun” or “great” or “awesome”

    Then she responds “Oh, you mean like Hakuna Matata?”. I replied that’s perfect and then she proceeded to rhyme off all the other Disney movies she likes and has seen.

    Also - princesses are her favorite.

    “Same Here”, I replied.

    It doesn’t matter where you come from around the corner or around the world when you’re six you don’t care if some CEO did something that made twitter explode in controversy and boycotts and other drama that nobody will remember next week.

    All they want to do is watch Frozen on repeat - and that’s an idea I can get behind.

    Until Next Time,

    TH and Co.

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