Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Sparkle Toes

    A story about a girl’s morning out.

    I was uber-ing away happily when I got the text message: the ladies were going to get their nails done at the salon in town.

    Great!

    Photo by Maria Lupan on Unsplash

    For BW, this was just a maintenance thing. Summer means sandals and sandals mean nail salon time!

    For the child: This was the big time for her big toes!

    She was a little apprehensive at first apparently because, well - the unknown - but once she figured out what it was all about she loved it.

    I think she just had her toes painted, and didn’t get the entire trim/polish or whatever it is they do there because I feel for the poor person that would have to deal with the ordeal that is toe nail trimming here.

    I don’t think we could tip the person enough.

    In fact, we would probably be banned from the establishment:

    But they did well and she was very proud to show me her first professionally done toenail painting when I got home.

    I can’t believe they had their first mother/daughter nail salon experience.

    Oh! Red sparkles for the color, of course.

    This is just the start: I have heard some talk about a Mommy/Daughter tea party in the future.

    Stay Tuned…

    TH and Co.

    Permalink

  2. Back in the Day: Computers

    When the internet was just a dream and this stuff was expensive as shit.

    image source | I was making monthly payments on this forever it seemed.

    The kids these days- they don’t know how good they have it. They have their face jammed into a small little magic computer that fits in their pocket and they are so used to it they do not know that it wasn’t always the normal.

    With the latest news being the tariffs on some Apple stuff going to hit 25% possibly, I thought yes…okay, that’s bad.

    BUT.

    You have a computer in your pocket that I would have killed to have back in the day. Instead: my portable of 1992 was this monster you see in the photo above.

    This thing was: crappy, expensive and heavy.

    And, I loved it. I LOVED it. I carried it around with me everywhere. I made new friends with this computer. I made money with this computer. It was great and also the world’s biggest piece of crap at the same time.

    I bought this (well, financed it) for almost four thousand dollars in 1991. That’s close to $10,000 in today’s dollars. With thirty-six easy monthly payments (spoiler: they were not easy)

    That’s a lot of money for a laptop computer that did not do much of anything compared to today’s stuff. Backups were on floppies, and the power brick weighed as much as the computer. And the screen was horrific. But I couldn’t stretch to get the one with the better screen.

    This assumed it even worked to begin with. One thing I remember is that if you turned on the scanner when hooked up to this thing it would erase the hard drive. Good Times.

    What’s amazing is that I ran a business making graphic signs off this thing. I can’t remember how long it would take to start but it was not fast. I have no idea how it managed to run a graphic plotter at all, but I do remember the software to do so was in the thousands as well.

    Complaints aside, I got a lot done with this thing.

    This stuff was not cheap. It was slow and useless, but that didn’t stop me from trying to get the best use I could out of it because at the time the laptop above was the future. I had a portable computer! Oh, the possibilities!

    Today you can walk into any Apple Store and buy a $999 MacBook Air and be done with computing forever as it’s all the computer most of use even need.

    Today, you can go even cheaper. In fact, a lot cheaper.

    I started thinking about this as I was puttering around tonight with my current computer: A Mini PC priced under $100 that I bought on a whim and works surprisingly well for my needs. I really didn’t have high hopes for this little thing that’s about as big as a ham sandwich, but it’s got all the power you need for everyday use.

    I bought it on sale for $80! No monthly payments and a fraction of the price I paid back in the day.

    My current ride.

    Granted, you still need a monitor/mouse/cable but even that would cost about the same. You could have an incredibly good desktop system for about $300!

    That’s a far cry from ten grand. This PC works online! It has the world wide web so you can play solitaire online with your friends.

    It works, it’s fast and cheap. It’s fine.

    So, yes - more expensive iPhones are not a good thing.

    But tech was a lot more expensive back in the day. Now the child swipes and clicks like it’s second nature - I was changing the case on my phone tonight and she had never seen a phone without a case and she was mesmerized as it really is light, thin, and small and full of just small little parts and some glass

    For her: Light and small will be ancient and I can only guess the tech will get smaller/faster/lighter.

    For me: I’m still taking medication for back pain after slugging around a 25lb computer bag for years. And I’m still pissed about all the accidentally erased hard drives.

    Tonight’s PSA: Make sure you have a backup.

    Keep computing,

    TH and Co.

    Permalink

  3. The Bedtime Routine

    Not really a routine. More like a hope and a prayer.

    If you haven’t noticed, I write about bedtime a lot here.

    I am sure one day I will write about teenage angst- but for now - it’s bedtime.

    In fact, my entire day evolves around bedtime.

    From the moment she wakes up, it’s all a goal to land at the end of the rainbow: bedtime at a reasonable time.

    I’m sure as she gets older this will be less of an issue but from about 5pm onwards until about 9pm, we have one task: get her fed and into bed. It’s a struggle.

    I have no idea why it takes so long as we run a pretty tight ship with timing and we shoot for 7:30pm bedtime, but the problem is that she doesn’t stay in bed. She’s a night owl and gets her most creative ideas at night - but instead of getting into bed and staying there she gets up, draws, and colors and sings.

    This assumes the getting to bed happens. We thought we had it easy tonight because she went to school in her PJ’s so we thought how easy could this be? Toss her in bed after dinner and done!

    Ha.

    It took us an hour of five more more minutes before we managed to get her upstairs in the general vicinity of her bedroom.

    I’m the problem. I am the fun parent at bedtime. And she’s good with BW if I’m not here - but if I am - I am the chosen one.

    I finally finished what I was doing on my computer and of course she’s hovering in the other room waiting to be put to bed properly. She will not go to bed no matter how much begging and pleading from BW.

    She just needs a few minutes of silliness and then she’ll go to bed. She does not respond to instructions. She responds to suggestions and questions and tricks Dad has up his sleeve. I am the bedtime master.

    Take tonight - she was five more minute-ing me to death and so I finally told her that I will just lay there with her and hold her and I’m not leaving until she is asleep.

    She’s fighting it. She’s had a bit of a second wind after dinner, but that offer is even expiring. Those eyelids are getting pretty heavy.

    She’s trying not to go to sleep. The blinking is getting faster and faster.

    And just as she was down with the last blink she opened her eyes one last time and told me:

    Go Away.

    Gladly. I’ve been waiting for this moment for hours now.

    Sleep Tight,

    TH and Co.

    Permalink

  4. The Joke's on Me

    A story about nonstop joking around. The way it should be.

    We have too much fun here.

    the view from the dishwasher

    I had almost made it out the door this morning, before being caught and then I had to stay until she got on the school bus.

    So my workday didn’t start until 8:30 am today and if you know me at all, then I am okay with that. Because instead of driving people to their crappy jobs or to the airport instead this morning went like this:

    I asked her if she wanted toast. She didn’t, but as soon as I sat down with my toast then she hoovered my toast. I was toast.

    Instead of getting ready for school, we grabbed my phone and shopped for houses on the market. Not that we’re ever moving because OMG you guys - the packing! but more to see how the heck the house around the corner sold for 500k. It’s a nice house, but not half a million nice.

    By this time we are at OH SHIT YOU HAVE TO GET DRESSED when we looked up at the clock. It was just enough time for silly clothes day where she had a long sleeved PJ top under a t-shirt and then she had shorts on, another pair of pants and another pair of short on.

    Somehow we managed to get teeth brushed and out the door and we still had time so we made a school bus path on the driveway with sidewalk chalk in the rain.

    Finally, I waved my little charge off wearing her peppa pig raincoat.

    After that BW said something how if I like living indoors I better get out there and work a bit so……drive, drive, drive - today was airport day. Airport rides usually result in a tip, but nobody tips any more because the rides cost too much now.

    Let’s just say that today was not the most profitable day.

    Home again, an dinner ready. We eat, and as promised - we would play doctor and I was the patient.

    I’m not sure that I would trust this doctor as she diagnosed me with too much arm hair and I needed to be plucked.

    Yes, plucked. Like a chicken.

    She grabs her oversized tweezers from her play set and OWW! That Hurts!

    She actually plucked me and I have to tell you that shit hurts more than you would think it would.

    Of course, this was hilarious.

    She tells me she just wants to do one more thing and then we’re done. She takes my temperature with her fake thermometer and then sees the real digital thermometer in the kitchen (yes, the kitchen, don’t judge us) and then does the lap and takes my temperature and mommy’s temperature and of course her temperature.

    Then she goes to grab the dog’s tail and - I can’t believe I had this sentence come out of my mouth - I told her to not take the temperature of the dog’s butt.

    She erupted in laughter She was laughing so hard and it was hilarious. Once all the silliness settled down I walked to the kitchen to do dishes and of course when nobody was paying that much attention to her…

    She took the temperature of the dog’s butt. It’s data we didn’t need to have - but there ya go. There’s your laugh for today.

    Speaking of laughter, I bought her a joke book because she was so enamored by the prank book I thought this would be good as it’s the same publisher and format.

    And after being told joke after joke after joke at bedtime I finally managed to leave her room while she was engrossed in reading in bed.

    Hey, anything that encourages reading is okay by me.

    Also that reminds me - our thermometer needs a good sanitizing.

    Keeping it Silly,

    TH and Co.

    Permalink

  5. Putting Her Best Foot Forward

    A story about smelly feet, walking on your toes - and donuts. Don’t forget the donuts.

    The child walks on her toes. A lot.

    Okay… All the time.

    About a yearish or so we decided we should be attentive parents, and we started to ask round on what to do about this problem and the result was braces on her feet. I hated the idea of braces - and I still do, but it is what it is.

    We tried physical therapy and that didn’t work well. Not because she wouldn’t do it. She loved it. Who doesn’t want to crab-walk across a room multiple times? No, the problem was after about six appointments she was therapied out and physically there was no more therapy to give.

    We think the problem is mental/sensual rather than a physical thing, but we’re just guessing.

    She just likes walking on her toes.

    It’s been a year since she’s in braces and her flexibility and stability have improved considerably but then we started thinking: is that it?

    I’m not a foot expert - I do know that she can get stinky feet after being in braces all day but that’s no specialty - you can diagnose that from across the room.

    Today we went to see an actual podiatrist to make sure we are doing all the right things.

    Spoiler alert: We are doing all the right things

    She had her foot x-rayed, and she was of course - a little apprehensive about how things were going to go down, but she was great.

    From a medical viewpoint there’s not much we can do unless we want to entertain surgery and that’s something that would be in her teens, and so we have some time to see if we even want to go down that road. I’m not sure I do.

    In the meantime, we just must keep the braces on her as best we can and keep buying her shoes two sizes too big so there’s room for the braces.

    Oh, and keep the window open because when those feet are released from those shoes after a full day. Hoo boy. The Smell.

    To end this note I want to share that we make deals when we go to dentists/doctors/etc.

    If you behave, you get a donut for breakfast. Just don’t tell Mommy.

    She told Mommy.

    Keep on your toes,

    Tidy Husband and Co.

    Permalink

Every post → · RSS feed