Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Did You Want the Seniors Discount?

    A tale of mixed emotions.

    I guess it was going to happen sooner or later. I got asked if I would like to apply the seniors discount when we took the child to the Buffalo Museum of Science

    Like a lot of things, I blame my mother-in-law for this event happening today.

    She strutted right up to the counter and with strong will that she is known for and boldly requested 3 tickets.

    The girl at the counter eyed her up first - then me.

    And then while looking directly at me asked me if I wanted the seniors discount.

    Sure! I replied. Who doesn’t like a discount?

    I then asked the girl at the desk what the age was for getting a seniors discount. She told me it was at 62 and up.

    “Close enough”, I said as I smiled at her and grabbed my ticket before she changed her mind.

    oh give me a home…where the buffalo roam….

    Anyway, enough about that. The real reason for being at the museum was not to get carded for being old. It as it always here: all about her. This is because some administrator in her school district decided that a week off would be good. For whom, I am not sure. The museum maybe? Not for our sanity or pocketbook that’s for sure.

    It was hard at first because the first things we saw were the lions and tigers and other animals and she was like “where’s all the stuff to do?!”

    Once we found it there was a lot to do. There were blocks made of foam piled high and high that I am sure the powers that be thought that the children would just walk on the moon made of foam but that didn’t happen. At all times some kid had a chunk of foam and was throwing it directly at another kid. It was constant chaos in there.

    They even had a very large area where kids could pretty much trash the place and make their own spaceships or whatever out of cardboard and pipe cleaners and the like.

    where to even begin?

    Then after a few more lions and tigers on display it seemed like it was full on fun for kids. There were knobs to touch and balls to float and buttons to push. It was almost too much stimulation.

    Heck, we even pretended to be weatherpersons in front of a green screen.

    We had a lot of fun at the science museum and will probably go back again at some point.

    Of course, she didn’t want to leave but she was getting tired and was ready. She just didn’t know it.

    Despite the fact that I now qualify for the seniors coffee discount, she had a great time and save for a bit of protest about having to wear her braces has been good as gold lately.

    Keep it up kid. There might be more fun in your future.

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  2. We Finally Got to See the Sun

    Alternate Title: America Vs Canada.

    Today after what seemed like the world’s longest winter, the weather turned out nice for the first time.

    The first thing to do was to pick up a season’s worth of dog poo from the back yard because you know - I even like to keep the back yard tidy.

    I dragged out her bike and I am sorry to report that she’s still on training wheels and if I had to guess will be like that for some time. You know that saying about riding a bike and never forgetting? I swear, she forgot.

    So, new sport: basketball. She’s got the basketball sorted out better and can dribble.

    For fun we sped up the video a bit:

    Later we played a game of basketball where she told me she was the American and I was the Canadian. So of course, she won the game by 25% - or so she thinks. In the end Dad always wins because the attention span waned and that big pile of dirt was calling:

    She was digging for rocks or jewels or something, I forget. But she found the dirt and came inside looking like a tide commercial. And of course, when she’s done she just goes in and leave the bikes and scooters and sidewalk chalk out for Dad to clean up.

    Overall it was just nice to be outside in a t-shirt again, even if it was only for an hour or so. It was also nice for dad when she got bored of me and played on her own in dirt where we once had a front lawn.

    I had a lot of “Dad, play with me” and it’s hard because Dad does not really want to dig in the dirt, but at the same time they grow up fast.

    Also, Dad is tired because Dad was up until midnight and actually left the house to go see Rose Cousins sing, which was a lot of fun. It’s been some time since Dad left the house and went out at night past his bedtime. When I came back she was up on the tablet in her bedroom and so I walked in and wiggled her little toe to get her attention and she brightened up like a Christmas tree and exclaimed” “Dad! You’re Back”!!!

    Yup, I’m back.

    Then she pressed play on her tablet and I didn’t exist for a bit again.

    It was fun while it lasted.

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  3. The Last Straw

    How much stuff do we have exactly?

    She came to me the other day with a twisty straw that was pink and had some funny looking square thing attached to it. Turns out, it was a minecraft straw that she had.

    Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

    “It tastes funny”, she told me.

    I rinsed it out and handed it back to her.

    “It still tastes funny”

    Well, let’s see. We can’t put it in the dishwasher because then it will be a mangled straw due to the heat of the dishwasher. I have no pipe cleaners that are that small and designed for cleaning a bendy straw.

    After exhausting all our options (those were the only ideas I had) we decided that we could continue life without the straw and we would be fine. I opened the kitchen cupboard and tossed the straw in the garbage can. Problem solved.

    We’re minus a bendy minecraft straw. We’ll live.

    How the hell did we get to the point that there’s so much crap in the house we don’t even know what it is or where it came from?? Every once in a while Google Photos sends me a notification with some photos that are dated before the child arrived and every time we see them we say the same thing:

    OMG! Look how clean the house is!

    Now that the child is on the scene things are a little different and I am writing this on the kitchen table and right beside me are paper eyeglasses from the minions movies. Because.. I have no idea why we have these actually.

    Nobody, and I mean nobody needs minions eyeglasses in their life but somehow, we have a pair and it’s on my kitchen table.

    This got me thinking: This isn’t the only thing in the house that we have and although we are far from hoarders, there’s not a lot of closet space left here. I know - kids come with stuff. Heck, you need to buy a car seat just to be able take them home.

    But the stuff…seems to be growing?

    Where the hell did all this stuff come from? Yeah, I know: China. But that’s not what I meant. I mean: do we need all this stuff? Do we use all this stuff. Do we really need a minecraft straw or minions googles (no, and no are your answers)

    It seems I am forever tossing some little toy from McDonald’s or something of the like, but the crap still keeps adding up here.

    Some things we need obviously. I’d rate toothbrushes and soap up there - and clean clothes are a good start - but how in the heck did we get so much of the other stuff? Take crayons for example: She didn’t come from the womb with crayons. I’m sure she was gifted her first small set and then she probably got more as gifts over the year and I bet now we are at hundreds (thousands maybe?) of crayons.

    There’s only one way to find out. I plan on researching writing about our stuff.

    I have no idea exactly how this will take shape yet. I may review stuff that I have.(this laptop I am writing on is pretty cool) Maybe I will write a dissertation on why we need this stuff - or why we don’t.

    Or how about a poem:

    I had an idea
    it had a flaw
    that one day
    I would write
    about a straw.

    This is a work in progress, and with such a small audience it’s a great time to try and fail early and often. At least that’s what the gurus say.

    I have set this up as a separate section of this site so you can chose to subscribe to it (or not) as well. I have called this section: We Have That At Home.

    Now, back to the straw:

    I recommend these ones as you can get a pipe cleaner in there to get to the dirty gunk that builds up inside of these. They’re dishwasher safe too!

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  4. The Bonus Round

    Alternate Title: The Art of the Deal

    Parenting has made me realize I have some skills did not think I have.

    Take mopping up spills, as an example. I am an expert on this. Between the dog and the child there is not a day that goes by where I am not wiping some mystery liquid off the floor.

    Last night’s liquid was water. She knows better, but I found her draining the contents of her water bottle and then mixing it with play-doh:

    we’re going to need more paper towels.

    She knows better too. NO playing with water in the house. That’s the rule

    “The only thing wet I want to see is when you rinse off your toothbrush” I tell her.

    But the siren call of pink play-doh and water on the floor were just too much to resist.

    Resisting is a skill I am not good at. Sure, for no water rules I’m all about resistance but when we’re playing a game and we can negotiate when it will end so she can go to bed.

    ME: Let’s stop at 6 plays

    HER: 9

    ME: 7

    Her: 8

    Me. Okay - 8

    Her: and a bonus round

    ME: Okay. Hey, wait a minute….

    I’m assuming you can do the math here. I can too, but sometimes it’s just easier to cave for the two more turns and then the bonus round.

    The game we were playing was squishmallow basketball. Don’t look for this game on Amazon. It’s one we made up where she throws the squishmallow at me while I hold my arms out like human basketball net. The problem with this setup is that my face ends up being the backboard. It’s a good thing that squishmallows are, well, squishy because I have had my share of hospital visits lately.

    The score ended up being about 8-4 and then she won the bonus round.

    She then grabbed my phone and made me my new wallpaper of the night with AI.

    “Close your eyes” She says.

    It’s a marshmallow peep with scarf on.

    Once this little nightly routine is done we negotiate again for one more time with AI image fun:

    She’s so excited about easter. I thought the leprechauns were the excitement but OMG Easter, you guys it will be here in about a week and I am beginning to wonder if she’s going to make it.

    I finally pry my phone away from her otherwise she will be up all night making images with AI.

    Oh, just one more image:

    go to bed

    She was so tired when I left her she was complaining about how tired she was which never happens. I wore her out, thanks to the bonus round.

    The final score is: Dad wins. Now he can write this in peace.

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  5. Ice Packs and Dandelions

    This can’t be normal.

    The Ice Pack

    It’s cold here in Buffalo in April. 22 degrees this morning. That’s snow cold. in April.

    Photo by erin mckenna on Unsplash

    But, as I write this, my little one is completely out of her night gown and happily asleep 1 and curled up to an ice cold ice pack.

    Yes, an ice pack. It doesn’t really matter what ice pack she has either. If you’ve got one in the back of the freezer for that one time you messed up your knee - that will do. As long as it’s freezing cold. The colder the better for her.

    We don’t usually hand her the knee ice pack and usually buy her some more kid friendly ones that are shaped like fruits and vegetables or something. (get yours now before the tariffs hit.)

    “My face is hot” she says to us almost nightly just at bedtime “ I need an ice pack”.

    So, I trudge downstairs for the umpteenth time today and go find an ice pack from the freezer to bring to my daughter.

    It could be 2 feet of snow outside and our poor little furnace hasn’t had rest in days trying to keep our house at a comfortable temperature and she wants an ice pack. Most kids go to bed with stuffed animals or a favorite toy, but I get the ice pack.

    Then what happens in the morning is when you go to make the bed and you have forgotten all about the ice pack only to find this squishy cold thing in the bed and it takes you a moment to realize:

    “Oh right - it’s the ice pack”

    The Dandelion

    I go outside and wait with her for the bus. Mom is smarter than me 2 and just waves from the door but I don’t get such luxury of waiting for the bus in the warmth. It can be 20+ minutes until the bus is to show up and she’s all ready with her coat on looking like teenage mutant ninja turtle if they transformed into bright yellow bumblebees.

    ME? I’m unshaven in a hoodie and praying for spring, or heat of any kind.

    This morning was 22 degrees outside when we were waiting. It was cold. Not “cool” or “fresh” - it was cold.

    Anyway, because it’s cold and this is the time of year where we can have warm and cold days all in the same month we have started to have our daffodils pop up and it looks like they might bloom any day now.

    Of course, her first instinct is to pick them.

    “NONONO”, I yell.

    Your mommy will not be happy with you if you do this, I tell her.

    She understands and then she sees the dandelion at the front of the house.

    “How about the dandelion?”, she asks.

    “Sure, go ahead”, I reply.

    We then go on to have an entire discussions about how dandelions are grown, what they are and how the heck do they make more dandelions anyway?

    I explain about how they get white over time and then she blows them all over and those are seeds and they make more dandelions, etc.

    She thinks for a minute and then says to me: “I’m going to give this one to Mr. Dave”. 3

    I bet Mr. Dave was thrilled to have some soggy half-plucked weed from our front yard greet him held up by a six year old with questionable gift choices.

    Stay Cool,

    Tidy Husband and Co.

    1. thank god ↩

    2. always ↩

    3. the schoolbus driver ↩

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