Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. Goodbye Tesla

    I will not lie. I was opposed to this idea. Fiscally, emotionally - all the ways. I liked the Tesla.

    But as they say: happy wife = happy life.

    BW loved the Tesla. It was smart, good looking and safe and modern and cool. It was the “it” car. It was like living in the future it was so good.

    “Back in the Day” when times were better.

    That is until: Elon.

    Way to go Elon. You fucking ruined it for her. You and your DOGE team have fucked things up so royally in this country that people are selling their perfectly good cars at a loss rather than risk being hurt or harmed because we drive a car that is associated with you.

    It got so BW was afraid to drive the thing. So, after some soul searching we decided we would rather have any other car in our driveway and good mental health than have BW worry every time she goes out in the thing.

    A car is not worth sleepless nights.

    Carvana picks up the Tesla tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow morning we go and buy a 2025 Chevy Equinox EV.

    It’s no Tesla, but at least the CEO of Chevrolet isn’t fucking up the country.

    This will be fine,this car thing. We already have one Chevy EV we’re happy with so we might as well just get another one. We might even come home with the same color.

    We also had to explain all this to the child who also loves the Tesla. So we made the getting rid of the Tesla a party where we celebrated with leftover birthday cake and watched SpongeBob.

    Also, it wouldn’t be a goodbye without a card:

    The current situation where we hope it gets better.

    Goodbye Elon.

    Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

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  2. Win or Lose

    We bought a checkers game the other day and played it for the first time with the child and it all went well…until it didn’t.

    that’s self applied makeup on her face.

    It took us a while because I think the last time any of the adults played we were probably about her age and as my age was posted online yesterday - it’s been a few years.

    The first game did not go well for anybody as we did not realize that we could only move one one direction so the first game was really fast because nobody knew what they were doing.

    BW played a game or two and then I stepped in to take up the challenge. She’s still getting her mind wrapped around the concept of the game and that the move you make right now might affect you later.

    So. I won. 3 times.

    This did not go over well. My last move was a double jump so she went from having 2 pieces on the board to zero.

    I waited because I knew the tears were coming.

    You could see her little brain processing what the heck just happened and then I watched her face get redder and redder and her smile turning upside down and then it was a full on bawl of tears and sadness.

    “I want a huggie!”, she screamed.

    You can have all the huggies you want, but it’s a just a game and then I told her that it’s okay to lose a game and that one day

    “Yeah, piped in BW “I beat daddy all the time at Scrabble”

    Thanks a lot, BW. Thanks for rubbing it in.

    Now I want a huggie.

    She’s learning that winning is fun, but losing can be too because we all know:

    It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, and we are trying to teach her that it’s a game and all that matters is how much fun we playing. The scorekeeping is secondary.

    When she calmed down and got her composure back she had an idea:

    “Let’s Play Monopoly!!” she said.

    No. That’s enough games and tears for one day.

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  3. Today was the Dog's Birthday

    Today the dog turned 3 years old. I’m not sure how how I feel about sharing the same birthday as the dog but it is what it is. I took the dog to the vet when we we first got her and the vet asked how old she is. I guessed she was about 4 weeks old at the time so the vet decided to enter her birthday to be the same as mine.

    The dog has definitely been the gift that keeps on giving and it’s been a looong 3 years of puppy but finally the dog is pretty chill. We just have to be sure she doesn’t eat the maracas when we are not looking.

    I woke up to song today.

    “Happy Birthday Dear Daddy”, I heard while simultaneously getting slapped in the head. Once I was awake enough to realize what day it was I realized it was my very own personal national holiday: my birfday! and that would explain the slapping and singing.

    And I have to tell you I had one of the best birthdays ever. Once the song was over she hopped into bed with us and read us a book about the sun and the solar system because nothing says happy birthday like a book about space.

    It took me a bit of prodding but I convinced BW that she should probably make me coffee and bring it to me in bed. This was hard sell, but she eventually caved and went downstairs and made all of us breakfast too!

    The child was wonderful with getting ready and out the door for the half day of school she had today. It took her over an hour to go to and fro on the bus for just two hours of school, but she was going, that’s for sure.

    I had a few errands to run and came home just after she did and she was going to burst if she did not give me my birthday card right here and right now. And what a birthday card it was.

    This card sung happy birthday to you, and had a little candle that when you blowed on it the candle on the cake went out and fireworks started. It was nice and fun the first time this happened. It was not so fun the other thirty times I heard this card be played throughout the house. It was the card that kept on giving - that’s for sure.

    Here’s the link so you can get your very own.

    Let’s play it again!

    Then I napped. I’m old now. It’s a thing.

    I woke up to freshly painted artwork. Thankfully, this did not come with batteries and did not sing to me. One singing gift a year is all that I can take.

    that number must be wrong.

    Of course, birthday or not: Friday night is pizza night and BW did not disappoint with homemade pizza that was delicious. And I am proud of myself as I didn’t over eat which I might do on pizza night from time to time.

    Besides, I needed to save room for birthday cake!

    the child called dibs on purple flower.

    Then it was off to bed for her (and me too as soon as I hit the publish button) I fear she is getting sick as she’s a little warm and sounds congested. She went to bed really, really easy tonight. I hope she’s not getting sick, but all we have planned is to watch the Spongebob movie and eat popcorn tomorrow.

    Thanks to all for the birthday wishes!

    See you next year!

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  4. About this Tidy Thing

    MOST days our house is somewhere in between hoarder messy and “let’s sell the house” clean. I try for the latter and yet I fail but at least I try to stay away from decorating in “early hoarder”.

    I blame the other people in the house for the mess. Also, the dog. Especially the dog.

    Me? I’m perfect. 😄

    Anyway, It dawned on me tonight that it seems to me that I am always tidying. It’s such a constant that I don’t even notice I am doing it anymore. Tonight I come home and the first thing I do after greeting the dog is to pick up something. Anything.

    There’s always a book or toy or blanket or socks or shoes that needs picked up and put away. Then there’s the dishes and laundry and OMG the craft stuff.

    Also: Why is this coat on the floor!

    I start my day tidying and I end my day tidying.

    And then there’s the stuff that you don’t know what it is, or even worse: was.

    Today I picked up a white little cap and I couldn’t figure out what what it was only to realize it’s the cap from her toothpaste that was in her bedroom and not in the bathroom where toothbrushes and toothpaste are supposed to live.

    Then there’s the toys. The child is pretty good at getting rid of toys when she’s over them but it’s the little trinkets and erasers and well, yesterday she came home with a maraca! Why oh why do we need a maraca in the house?

    How long does one keep a maraca? Can I pitch it when she’s not looking or do I have to keep it so she can give it to her grandchildren? Do we even need a maraca?

    There always seems to be a blanket that’s needing picked up and folded too. Also, beds don’t seem to be self-making lately but that’s okay as that’s kind of been my job.

    Every so often Google Photos will surface a photo of our house pre-child and the first thing to come to mind is: OMG! Look how clean the house is! It looked freaking empty too compared to now where we have seemed to stuff it full to the brim with random crap.

    I think I remember what our kitchen table looked like.

    This isn’t to say that I’m the only one to pull the weight in the house. The child and I would be wearing dirty clothes and eating peanut butter sandwiches and ice cream for dinner every day if it weren’t for BW keeping us fed and warm. We’re a team here:

    The capless toothpaste is on the kitchen counter. Ask the dog for the cap.

    It’s just… the tidying is constant - you know?

    That said, I kind of prefer the mess and chaos and dog hair because at the end of the day it’s just clutter and I would much rather have a wild animal in the house, even if she is a little messy from time to time:

    I think she’s supposed to be a pig here..

    Goodnight, Miss Piggy. Thanks for helping with the cleaning today.

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  5. I Asked for It

    Today, I am a hero in BW’s eyes. (Tomorrow could be an entire different story but we live day to day here.)

    We were at the table and the cable bill for internet only (no actual cable here) was $140.00.!!!

    That seemed like a lot, so I called and got a new/same service with a faster router and the same speed for $106.00 all in.

    We’re getting a credit back of $30 or so and now we save $30+ dollars a month.

    I guess the lesson here is you don’t get it if you don’t ask for it. It’s not like the cable company was going to call me and suggest I pay them less. I had to take the initiative to do so. This is why all the mobile phone plans and internet plans want you to auto-pay - it’s so you don’t think about it and every month you get dinged for the same fee. Over and Over again.

    Another example of asking and Receiving:

    Tonight the child asked to watch how it’s made on my phone, while I did dishes Under normal circumstances this would be a no-no and against our rule of no screens on a school night, but mommy was out for a walk. Soooooo…when the cat’s away…videos get watched.

    All because she asked if she could. I said yes.

    You never know what the answer will be if you don’t take your shot. Doing so might just get you faster download speeds or 15 minutes of screen time, or maybe even a happy wife.

    Hey, it worked for me.

    Of course, YMMV.

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