Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. How to Chew Gum

    Today was the last day of the child’s after-school Spanish class and I am not sure how much learning was done, but there was a pinata and every kid came home with some candy. She greeted me with 3 Dum-Dums and some horrible looking chewing gum.

    She was eyeing the dum-dums, but it was too close to dinnertime so I told her she could try the gum if she wanted to. Then I realized that she has never had chewing gum as it’s not a thing really in our house. Bubble gum and older parents don’t really mix.

    I had to tell her to not swallow it as you don’t swallow gum. You’re just supposed to chew it - as that’s where it gets it’s name.

    Of course this opened an entire conversation on the way home in the car about what would happen if you swallowed gum. I said it wouldn’t kill you but it’s not really good for you. Gum is for chewing and not swallowing.

    It got quiet in the back seat. And then she tells me she doesn’t want the gum and hands me this half-licked and nibbled on chiclet of bubble gum.

    I think that might be the end of the bubble gum here for a while.

    It started to get nice out this afternoon and she wanted to play with a friend outside but she could not find a willing participant and she came home without a playmate. I offered to go for walk around the block with her on the scooter and she lit up with a big agreeable smile.

    “Let’s go, Dad”

    Off we went:

    How to Chew Gum

    We might not be able to chew gum - but we have the walking down - scooting too!

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  2. There is No Pot of Gold

    This child of mine.

    Today she comes home from school telling us how the leprechaun thing is not over yet and that tonight they will come to somebody’s house and leave a pot of gold.

    I have no idea where she got this information from, but it is not true at all. We are done with the leprechauns and considering her age - this might have been her final year as she might be wised up to the game this time next year.

    She’s going to have a rude awakening tomorrow when she wakes up and finds that she’s not the lucky winner. I call this parenting style “get ready for the real world”.

    Later, at dinner she asks if she can track the leprechauns on my phone.

    Umm…no. Because the leprechauns are not Santa and besides they’re really small those little buggers. We tried for sixteen nights to catch them and we built a trap and everything and they were to fast for us. What makes you think we can track them?

    They are just too small for the radar at NORAD. Besides, with the current administration there’s probably not enough staff for the leprechaun team at NORAD anyway. They barely have enough budget for Santa - let alone little green men.

    So. This is the very last time I write the word “leprechaun” this year.

    At our rainbow, there’s no pot of gold.

    But! Speaking of rainbows: she did get new shoes today:

    Aren’t they pretty? They light up of course.

    There is No Pot of Gold

    She gets the rainbow. But just not the gold.

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  3. The Night Before St Patrick's Day

    ‘Twas the night before St.Patrick’s Day
    And all through the house
    The child was finally sleeping
    Dad was downstairs - with computer and mouse.

    This nightly routine of mischief is now done.
    Poor Dad has been making up mischief since March One.
    He setup tea sets and swimming pigs and airplanes for her to see
    Dad can’t imagine how he thought them up nightly for thee

    Nightly he ran and made such a clatter
    BW thought something was a matter
    Not to worry said Dad, as it is just me
    I’m trying to find something to trick the little one, see?

    The Night Before St Patrick’s Day

    At last the final night to trick had come
    It seemed like yesterday he was at trick number one
    He told her he saw green flashes in the middle of the night
    She ate it all up and squealed with delight.

    Every night has been like St.Patricks Day over again.
    I can trick her when she’s six - but what about ten?
    Will she then realize there’s no little creatures that are green?
    Time will tell, and will remain to be seen.

    But Dad is happy had the chance.
    To pretend to to be little men that wear green pants
    In some ways Dad is very glad it is over.
    Because now she is asleep with dreams of leprechauns and green clover.

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  4. X's and Oh's

    One thing I have noticed as she has gotten older is the meltdowns are less. Not gone entirely, but there’s less frustration and more understanding of how her world works.

    Today we played X’s and O’s - or tic toe if you want to call it that. This game was a bit different as this was nesting doll tic-tac-toe which added another layer of difficulty to the game.

    Each player gets 9 pieces. 3 large, 3 medium and 3 small.

    If I were to play a small then she could place a medium on mine and win the game if was strategically possible.

    It took us while, but we figured it out how to play.

    Of course, she played her 3 big pieces first because bigger=better, yes?

    Not necessarily as once she’s ‘spent’ her big pieces she only has small pieces left and then I can cover her small pieces with my bigger version and win the game.

    The concentration. Also, those eyelashes ❤️

    She would play her 3 big pieces and then you could see that she thought she would win and was getting all excited. She was fixated on the big pieces and not the entire game.

    I would place a winning piece down and tell her I won.

    You could see the wheels turning in her head as she tried to understand how she could possibly lose. She had played all her big pieces and that was a winning strategy when you’re six.

    The look on her face went from confusion to realization to acceptance in just a few seconds, and it was great!

    No tears or screaming or c0nfusion.

    Just a simple question: “Want to play again, Dad?”

    Indeed, I do.

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  5. For Goodness Sake, Go Outside!

    Today it was 70 degrees here. In March.

    Yes, March

    Usually, March is a little more, um…seasonal:

    when will it end?

    Today when the child came home from school, the bus dropped her off and about 3 seconds later her friend Ethel was over here.

    Did they want to go to the Park?

    How about ride bikes?

    Play Basketball?

    Nope, Nope and Nope.

    They both wanted to come inside and watch YouTube kids on the tablet.

    BW obviously said, NO. Under no circumstances. Go play outside and don’t come back until dinner. Go play and pretend it’s any time before 2008, when we didn’t have tablets.

    About an hour and a half later the child came back exhausted. All played out.

    She did what we all want to do on a Friday night:

    Flop on the couch and find something to watch.

    Also, Pizza.

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