Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. What’s Your Favorite Color?

    She’s been asking this for a while: Out of the blue it’s “Hey, Dad – What’s your favorite color?”

    “Blue” I reply. “Sometimes, red”

    I get asked this multiple times a day. I don’t know why. She’s five.

    Dear Reader: Pay attention to my favorite color. You will need this information later

    But first: They are back! My four-day man-fest is over. No more quiet house with just me and the dog 0r frozen pizza for me.

    It’s back to a house that looks like it’s been windswept with Christmas gifts and stuffed animals and flotsam and jetson and enough rice to last a lifetime from a Costco run. I see lots of Chinese food in my future.

    They both had a great time and for the first hour it was total chaos as there was car unloading and “hey Dad’s” every 3 seconds showing me some other toy or whatever she was given as early Christmas gifts.

    “Dad, look! – a squishmallow”

    Dad, look! – a new tablet!

    Dad, look! – a 1000-bead bead making kit! (I have mixed emotions about this one)

    Everybody is home and excited to be home again.

    Also after 5 days of constant partying and a 8 hour car ride the child was exhausted and after a quick bath she was exhausted and it was the easiest bedtime ever tonight.

    Anyway. The family is back home. Yay.

    All good, right?

    Well… on to the fun part: When BW left she said she would go to Costco as we don’t have one near us and she said she would pick up some hoodies or sweatshirts for me. Great right?

    Except…except the sweaters she came back with were the color Green. And we’re talking green green. I really dislike green. Green Eggs and Ham Green – I will not in a box, with a fox….you get the idea.

    Folks, guess what my favorite color is? (hint: it’s not green). It’s okay if you have to scroll up if you can’t remember.

    So now we’re both pissed off at each other (well, not really)

    She says to me ” I wanted to see you in another color than blue”

    I reply that “When have you ever seen me in anything green?”

    Also – have you not being paying attention to the hourly question and answer period about my favorite color that gets asked multiple times daily by your daughter?

    Now BW is miffed because I didn’t jump for joy with her sartorial choices for me and I am miffed because we’ve been married a while and have you not been paying attention at all?

    Now I have 2 green sweaters that have become a bone of contention that I don’t like (and will probably never wear) and a wife that’s seeing red about my color fussiness.

    It looks like it’s going to be a pretty cold night at home tonight despite what the weather forecast says.

    At least I will have my new sweaters to keep me warm.

    Welcome Home, BW.

    You were missed.

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  2. Home Alone Day 3

    The Dog spent a fair bit of time in her crate today while I was away today and I gotta tell you – she’s pissed off at me. In fact, now that you mention it – I’m a bit cranky too. You would think we would both happy without the pitter patter of little feet, but we’re both kind of out of our element without the family here. The more the merrier I guess.

    She’s miffed because she can’t get away with stuff like she can on the regular like eating stuffed animals and the like. When it’s busy here there’s nobody looking when a peanut butter sandwich gets snarfed off the table because all the responsible adults are busying parenting or cleaning or hiding.

    Today I found her with a candy wrapper that I took from her and because I was on the couch, I just set it aside. She walks up and with those “nothing to see here” eyes and just sticks her tongue out sideways as she walks by and grabs it again!

    She’s bored and she’s misbehaving.

    Wait a minute – it’s eerily quiet as I write this in my man cave but I can also hear her getting into some kind of trouble upstairs.

    Hang on – let me check:

    busted.

    Yup. I thought she was up to no good. Give me back my hat!

    My family needs to come home soon because I am up to here with this dog. The wanting to go inside – and then outside – and then inside again. The constant stealing of all the things. It’s exhausting.

    If you want to get her take on things here the past few days you’ll have to go read her blog. She’s out in the backyard writing it right now.

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  3. Home Alone Day 3

    Hey, remember Malls?

    I have written about Malls in the past and how there’s a abandoned one in Niagara Falls, but this isn’t the one. I’m talking about the Outlet Mall. This isn’t a regular mall. It kind of looks like a regular mall until you realize that it’s all name brand crap made in China that’s been discounted from their astronomically high prices to so-called sale prices.

    Buy 2, get one free.

    the end is near. | Photo by Raymond Kotewicz on Unsplash

    And let me tell you – the parking lot was full.

    I really don’t understand the attraction. I guess there’s a few stores that might have what you need: Basketball shoes from the Nike store as an example, but then there’s real sporting good stores with better selection

    But I guess if you need clothing from Polo and Timberland and all the brand names – this is the place to be today. (and probably for the next 10 days)

    Maybe I’ve just become the Dad that’s happy in a wardrobe with a MSRP of about $25.00 head to toe. (complete with white socks and sandals!) because there’e Target. And Costco.

    A story: BW has a real job where she has to get dressed up and teach and go to events and stuff – you all already know this. So, from time to time she shops online at stitchfix and the prices are so-so and she looks nice.

    One day I decided I needed to spruce up my wardrobe some and so I went on to the men’s version of the site to have a look and holy I have been out of the loop when it comes to clothing prices. I forget the amount, but it was hundreds and hundreds for some nice looking brand name stuff. I don’t go anywhere where I need to show off labels and style anymore so I will stick to my slob-wear from Target.

    So, Malls. Today I spent my day driving people from the hood to go work at the mall for probably minimum wage where they can’t afford any of the stuff they are selling. I then drove people home from the mall that probably spent too much.

    I went up and down the same street about 10 times today. From the hood to the mall – over and over again. Of course, it would not be a holiday season at the mall without traffic and an accident and that’s when I decided I should just go home and have a nap on the couch.

    I don’t have to look good for the couch, and the dog doesn’t care either way, as long as I remember dinner time.

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  4. Home Alone. Day 2

    I’m still here.

    The ladies are still partying.

    The dog is still alive.

    One thing that’s kind of weird happened today. We have a little Santa light where he’s climbing a ladder. It’s our one and only Christmas light because it’s cold out and you have to put up and take down the lights and those are two things I don’t like to do.

    not exactly as shown.

    Anyway, this morning I went out and if I had to guess – mice chewed off the part of the ladder that was on the ground. This is just a guess. Perhaps not, as this part had (or now, had) power and I didn’t see any electrocuted vermin around. I have no idea how this would get broken any either way.

    We’ve had troubles with mice chewing on our cables in the past, so I wouldn’t put it past the little buggers.

    So now we have Santa still, but he doesn’t light up any more. He can be our daytime decoration for the rest of the year. There’s only 11 days left and I’m not buying more food for the mice. We can rethink our outdoor holiday decorations next year.

    About this storm…

    Here in the greater Niagara Falls area there was no snow. Like, none. Meanwhile just south of us in Buffalo and the “Southtowns” it doesn’t look like the weather was all that great by the looks of the clouds. I saw a few pickup trucks today that had feet of snow in the bed.

    I will stay in town today, thanks.

    Needless to say I stuck around in the northern part of the Greater Buffalo Area where it was dry and sunny. I did okay today with almost 20 different rides by day’s end.

    My favorite ride of the day was for a pickup of “Bruce Wayne”. I was hoping he/she would come out in a Batman costume but no luck. It was just a young guy going to work at a restaurant or a bar.

    Leftover pizza for dinner tonight.

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  5. Home Alone Day One

    Despite all the school closings and the fact that BW got stranded in Corning due to the storm here on Isle de Grande we got no snow. A dusting if you will. It was very windy here though so I made the ultimate sacrifice:

    I cleaned the house.

    Not a top to bottom – we’re moving and have to show the house type clean, but more of a OMG I have to do something clean. Also, the family room like a kindergarten art class exploded in it and I spent a good hour picking up crayons and other toys that were strewn about. I think the glue sticks multiplied overnight.

    There’s no lack of strew-ing here.

    I threw out 3 full large garbage bags of random crap today. Executive decisions were made when it come to some of the contents of the toy box. More crap is coming up the highway in a few days so I had to make room.

    I didn’t know my daughter could strew so well, but she’s a good strewer.

    The rest of the cleaning really was uneventful – make the beds, give the bathrooms a swipe and floor a broom and call it good enough. But it took me a good 2 hours and multiple trips up and downstairs to put things where they are supposed to go – a concept that’s foreign here some days.

    A break for a latte and then a bit of a nap. Woke up and had a ham sandwich and then spent the afternoon screwing around and puttering in the man cave with computers as I am apt to do.

    Frozen Pizza for dinner, of course.

    And…get this. I sold one of my headphones today Are you reading this BW? That’s headphones out the door. That means I can get more, right? right?

    BW? are you there?…

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