Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. A Trip to the Dentist

    Okay. We were doing the regular bed bath routine last night and it dawned on me that while she was brushing her teeth that she hasn’t been to the dentist in a while.

    Huh. I counted on my fingers: The last time she went to the Dentist was the same day as the solar eclipse so that would have been early April. Now, it’s early October. She’s due for a checkup.

    This morning, I get on the horn and the receptionist tells me they have an appointment for today at 4:00pm. Perfect. This will work out great. She’s out of school at 3:05, it’s a 25-minute drive across town and we’re good.

    I call the school, let them know that I will pick her up and not to send her home on the bus. She’s waiting and she doesn’t even get too upset when I tell her she’s going to the Dentist.

    So far, she’s just had the cleanings and teeth counting and maybe a fluoride treatment if she’ll stop wiggling for 2 seconds. You would think they were going to pull them all out with all the drama but eventually we get the stuff on her teeth.

    We get to the Dentists, she’s in a good mood and very excited about the stickers. With a bit of luck and a few tears we should be out of here in 20 minutes, tops.

    Until. I we get there, and I am told the appointment is for tomorrow and not today.

    What do you do with a child that was looking forward t going to the dentist? And now she can’t go? Are you effing kidding me? I have to do this all over tomorrow.

    Yes. The answer is yes, I do get to do this all over again tomorrow.

    I swear she said the appointment was today.

    I managed to avoid the fussing by handing her my phone so she could watch YouTube Kids. That kept her happy for the trip home and then she was great for the rest of the evening.

    Apparently, today is artwork day here. First, she’s always coloring but today’s effort looks well, lovely:

    all you need is love. and a water stain.

    and if that wasn’t enough artwork for you BW went to an art class tonight and came home with this art:

    Pumpkin Art?

    And where’s my art you ask? You’re reading it.

    Keep Smiling,

    TH and Co.

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  2. Weekend Planning

    Next week, I will be alone. With my Child.

    I’ve got this.

    That’s what I keep telling myself as I look forward into the future, that is the next looooonng weekend with just me and my daughter.

    I have to tell you that one of us is more excited about this than the other.

    You see, Mommy is going away and leaving us two to our own devices and little does she know that’s a bad idea (okay, she knows)

    You see, the little one and I have a deal when mommy is gone:

    We break all the rules

    Yup, each and every one.

    You want gummy bears for dinner? Go Ahead!
    No bath! No Problem!
    Eat out every meal? Okay!
    Go to Walmart and buy crap we don’t need? Sure!
    Play with rattlesnakes…um…let’s find something else.

    I got told today that I’m mostly fun with a bit of serious. That’s because when I get serious it’s not good. Not. Good.

    Tonight was leaning towards a no fun weekend, as I like to call them. We used to call it being grounded when I was a kid. The deal is if you act like a little turd the fun goes away.

    Tonight for a bit we were lost deep in turdville. She was great all day and played quietly and sang to her toys and was the perfect child. You know when you see those perfect kids out in the world and you ask yourself why can’t my kid be like that?

    Today she was a well behaved kid. Until. She. Wasn’t.

    We were doing great until we had to trim her toenails after dinner. This should not be a big deal, right? Click, Click, Click and done – yes?

    No.

    There was screaming and my least favorite: kicking. When the kicking starts the fun dad goes away and serious dad came out and laid down the law. If we don’t get your nails trimmed there will be no fun this weekend. Do you understand?

    After a bit more whining and fussing she finally agreed to the deal and toenail trimming. I don’t know what it is, but getting her nails trimmed has become an event where we have to close all our windows so the neighbors don’t have to listen to all the screaming. Then BW and I have to put on hockey pads while one holds her down while the other tries to trim a toe on a constantly wiggling and kicking toe. You would think we were trying to administer a flu shot. It’s insane.

    Finally, we managed to get her settled down and toes trimmed. Yay.

    Then she realized that she had held up her end of the deal and that if she kept behaving, the fun weekend will be here soon, so….

    We Better Make a List

    This girl loves a good list. She makes lists for the morning and for the night. Lists on what to do and not to do. You name it, there’s probably an undecipherable list lying around somewhere.

    Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the break all the rules with dad list:

    We have plans for the weekend. I think.

    For those that don’t understand hieroglyphics of a left-handed 5-year-old allow me to translate:

    First the easy part. Obviously this list is called the weekend plan because, well that’s what it says.

    These may change at any time and no guarantee or warranty is expressed or implied.

    The left column is for Saturday and the right for Sunday.

    She has lunch before dinner on Saturday but here we go!

    Saturday:

    Up first, I make Pancakes

    McDonald’s Happy Meal for Lunch. If we’re going to break all the rules we might as well really go all out. She’s very excited about this. The toy is a Croc

    We come home and color. Left handed, no less. Don’t expect Picasso.

    We watch Spongebob Squarepants.

    We go to Target. I told her if she behaved maybe we could find a Tonie

    That’s a fun-filled Saturday if you ask me, with toys and TV and not a vegetable in sight. Wait – there might be a pickle on the Happy Meal. I’m good!

    Sunday as you can see, is pretty much the same except we are down a Target run and are having pizza instead and she’s got ice cream for dessert as the bottom icon but we shall see. We might be in a junk-food induced coma by the time we get to ice cream. I might have to be the bad cop on this one and feed her a cucumber or something.

    There you have it folks, the plan for next weekend has been written out so it’s real now. It’s on the fridge!

    Heck, it’s on the internet, and if it’s on the internet it must be real.

    Healthy eating,

    TH and Co.

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  3. Homework Time

    Today was all about missions:

    I’m on a mission to get 200 rides under my belt with Uber by the weekend so I can snatch a bonus.

    The child is on a mission to turn the house into the biggest shitstorm possible:

    she was looking for all her paw patrol toys. I’m just trying to find the floor

    BW’s mission was…I dunno. Probably something to do with email.

    All of the above are not the big mission we all had to do together and that was homework!

    I’m not so sure I am liking her school anymore. They sent her home with homework for us to teach her. I thought the whole idea of school was that somebody else would teach her at the school where she goes to learn for 6+ hoursa a day.

    But nope, we have homework. All 3 of us.

    We have to go find leaves and mark them off a list as we find them. Then when she returns to school on Monday, she is going to read a book with her class about finding leaves and then have a show and tell. Sounds easy enough right?

    After more than a few false starts this morning, we finally managed to get out the door and to the trail where we could search for the leaves. It’s been unseasonably warm here so we were not sure how many leaves we would find but we did seem to find quite a lot actually.

    It’s like trick or treat, but for leaves.

    I do have one issue. I don’t think the leaf hunting sheet we were given is tailored to our area because there were a few leaves that we had no hope in hell in finding. I hope this doesn’t hold her back a year. Also, you try convincing a 5-year-old that the red leaf she is holding is the same as the green leaf on the handout. This was not planned too well if you ask me.

    But we were troopers. We walked to that park searching for leaves like it was our last supper, but I think there’s a few we don’t have. We tried but I don’t think this project is coming back with an A grade. It’s okay, as I’m more of a C+ guy anyway.

    Forget the leaves, they made a bench! OMG

    The highlight of our trip was not the leaves, but somebody – I would assume in the parks department made these little benches out of logs and she was thrilled and had to sit in all of them. Heck, not only did she have to sit in them, we all had to sit in them:

    selfie time!

    At the end of the walk is a bit of small bridge for the fishermen/persons to fish from so of course we had to go there and look at all the fish. They were small but we counted about six of them.

    Here fishie fishie..

    Then it happened. She got tired. Real Tired.

    This makes sense and by this time you would think we would learn but nope. I thought we had it covered. She peed before we went, and I brought a drink but I didn’t figure in the tired factor.

    This breaking of arms takes its toll on a 5-year old’s body and so it makes sense that playing with her toys all morning and a mile walk and she is toast. done. kaput.

    Thankfully, the meltdown was rather minimal compared to others we have had and with a few distractions on my part we managed to get her to forget about being tired and we managed to get her into the car where she perked up a bit.

    Once home she had a bath, an early dinner and we had her in bed by 6pm.

    I don’t know about you, but I would call that a win.

    Lastly, I managed to get the lawn furniture put away for the season and there’s still room in the shed for more crap. Double win!

    Until next time,

    TH and Co.

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  4. I’m Done

    Every night it’s the same thing. She has a few bites with us and save for a few exceptions when she’s really hungry – she then declares that she’s done

    No, you’re not – we both reply

    Have 3 more bites of (insert healthiest option here) we instruct her

    For the most part she’s agreeable with this deal as she’s pretty much got her way and now, we can get to the real reason for dinner: dessert.

    So, she gets dessert. For the most part she’s okay with whatever we have or pick. Obviously, she doesn’t want an apple when she can have ice cream, and she knows she can’t have ice cream every night or cookies every night but there has to be dessert. Every. Night.

    I don’t remember having dessert every night when I was a kid and you would think that dessert every night would be something I remember but I don’t. I’m not saying it didn’t happen, just that I don’t remember. I remember dessert being a treat not a right.

    She really doesn’t really care what she gets as long as there’s dessert. Sometimes, our dessert stash is better than other nights where her only options are an apple. or nothing.

    She’s a good eater and will happily eat vegetables that other kids won’t touch so a bit of dessert is okay most nights. She doesn’t even care about the quantity of the dessert. Half a cookie, or one small gummy bear is fine. As long as there’s sugar involved, she’s good.

    Unless we’ve been celebrating birthdays, there’s not cake in the house every day. Popsicles were popular this summer because they’re pretty much water and they were homemade with just juice so…a healthy dessert? I don’t know.

    Tonight, was cookies and cream ice cream because we’ve had a few rough weeks full of events that we would rather not have experienced. At the end of the day, we all need dessert. I think they call this stress eating.

    She’s going to be in for a surprise when the ice cream is gone and we’re back to apples again.

    But at least she will get her just dessert.

    Until next time,

    TH and Co.

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  5. Frazzled and Bedazzled

    The alarm went off at 6am and there was no effing way I was getting out of it to drive strangers around in the rain. BW actually let me sleep to 9am which I rarely do but after yesterday I was exhausted and I didn’t get to bed until well after midnight

    A reenactment of yesterday featuring Peppa Pig

    At 8am I remember her coming into my room and asking that I wake up and then some tears about not being able to go to school. I think she’s the only kid I know who wants to go to school.

    Despite the title above we didn’t really have that bad a day. She’s not really in that much pain and we keep her on the motrin/tylenol regimen too so at least she’s comfortable. She and mommy went out to get some more medicine and then hit th dollar store and came back with a bunch of stuff so that we could bedazzle the splint!

    One cannot have a plain splint after all. What would her friends think?

    too cool for school

    one can’t have enough bling.

    After lunch, we told her she had to go have a nap and low and behold, she did! It was only for about an hour, but she needed it and her little body needed it too as she fell and shocked it yesterday.

    She actually had a pretty good day. In the afternoon after bedazzling the sling they made cupcakes and about an hour later 3 of her friends from up the street came over and gave her handmade get well soon cards. She had a grin ear to ear. I think she loves all the attention.

    She’s so looking forward to going to school tomorrow and showing off her sling.

    While she was blinging and baking I was the king of forms and appointments. We had to get a form for the school from her doctor so that she can get some Tylenol at school and then I had to make an appointment for the Ortho to check her out in 2 weeks time. And she also has a letter excusing her from physical education as they call it there (we called it gym)

    What sucks – besides the fact that she only has one good arm is that she was just starting to take up coloring which was great because we could get a good hour out of her just being quiet and more importantly – she loves to color. Maybe she’s going be an artist. We’ve already pretty sure figured she won’t be a singer, that’s for sure.

    The day was also filled with excitement (mine) as the basement renovations began. Surprisingly, the disruption was minimal; the contractor worked quietly, and the use of saws was limited. He managed to replace the drywall, and he’s scheduled to return next week to complete the job.

    I’m close to getting back to my man cave! I haven’t had a place to hide from my family for weeks!

    Stay Safe!

    TH and Co.

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