Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. The Car is Making a Noise

    I’m writing this in the waiting room at the car dealership.

    A car dealership is not the place you want to be because unless it’s warranty work these things are always expensive. I’m not even at a real dealer but a local car store that’s treated us well over the years. They are fair. Any car repair is not cheap but we know we won’t get screwed over too bad. We hope.

    I went in for something called noisy anti-click washers. It’s a 2 dollar part but hundreds in labor – because cars suck. It turned out my car did not need these washers as they were fine and after they put the car back together the mystery noise has stopped. Perfect. Problem Solved.

    What didn’t stop was the clock. It took them 2 plus hours with the car on the hoist so we paid for 2 plus hours – to the tune of $400.00. But it’s fixed and seeing as that’s all I wanted I am good.

    BW is like “You love spending money on that car”. No, I don’t. I love having a car that works properly considering it’s my office and I’m in it for a least a few hours a day. Anyway, car is fixed (for now) and we can move on to other things…like..

    The Basement

    The insurance called and we are ready to go to get the contractor in for the repair, but of course they are booked so it will be a couple more weeks before they start. This was to be expected really. It’s impossible to get anybody to do work these days

    There’s really no rush per se except for the fact that we are down to 1 operating toilet. Under normal circumstances this wouldn’t be a big deal as there’s just the 3 of us but now we’re having company for BW’s upcoming birthday so there will be 5 adults and one child with one potty. We’re going to have to draw straws to who goes first.

    The Child

    of course the dirt pile is a hit still.

    Last night she was so tired that she was leaning on my shoulder while I read her the bedtime story and we barely finished the book before she zonked in. This kindergarten thing is a long day with a 45 minute bus ride each way and then there’s all that learning. She loves it and comes home happy and wanting to tell us about her day. It’s awesome. It will probably change, but for now it’s great. I doubt she will be that way when she’s in high school.

    Tonight was even worse. She was pj’d, booked and toothbrushed and out by 7pm. The last straw was when she fell out of bed just before she dozed off.

    “I thought I had 2 rolls, but I only had one”, she told me.

    Today’s lesson: look before you leap (or in this case – roll)

    After an ice pack and some hugs we were back in bed and she.was.out.

    Tonight’s entertainment after school was she figured out that if she had 2 straws she could drink water out of a glass twice as fast. The last time I saw her she had 5 straws in the glass and after that I lost count.

    Lastly, I have a story about a dog. We bought one of those marionettes when we were in Argentina on holiday in January that looks something along the lines of this:

    This dog has been happily hanging from a doorknob unbothered for what – 8 months now? But tonight it got noticed and while I was occupied she decided that “happy” would be happier if he/she went for a walk down the street. Yeah, this is great but we were supposed to be going to bed – not walking happy!

    Of course she goes out the front door in bare feet where all the poo mud is so after happy got his walk, she got her feet washed. I should have tossed happy when I had my chance. He’s been noticed and it’s too late now.

    As I write this, BW is searching Amazon for “toast costumes”.

    I’m going to bed. One might even say I am toast.

    Until next time,

    TH and Co.

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  2. Let’s Play Uber!

    Perhaps because her partners in crime were away tonight things were a lot less muddy and messy tonight compared to yesterday where I didn’t want to go near her.

    After dinner she wanted to play outside. The problem I have with this is twofold:

    a: I have other stuff to do and b: I am not in her head. I don’t understand what she wants me to do exactly so it’s frustrating for both of us as she’s got this whole scene in her head with barbies and dragons and god knows what else but I just want to play ball or push her on the swings.

    Tonight it all worked out though and we settled on sidewalk chalk as the primary play for the evening. We figured we might as well enjoy the good weather while we can because pretty soon it’s going to be dark at 5pm and “I’m bored” starts.

    We decided to play Uber. First, we had to draw a car to uber in:

    this drawing kind of reminds me of this car

    She steps into the drivers seat first and starts to pretend to drive. Vroom vroom.

    She has determined we are going to Niagara Falls tonight and so we get there and she drops me off at the “sleep hotel” at the Falls.

    “Get out” she says.

    This is pretty much the end of our game and it’s pretty true to life to real uber driving. I had to tell somebody to get out today as a matter of fact. I drove you to the destination – we’re done – our relationship is over. I am not waiting for you to book another ride because you can’t figure out how the uber app works.

    After getting our Ubering done we played baseball and for somebody who has sadly inherited the genes of BW and I she’s actually quite skilled for her age. She’s no Olympic athlete but she actually hit some strikes – as she called them. She also called the misses the spares. Baseball or bowling – it’s all the same to her.

    Drawing a rainbow rocket. We need more rainbow rockets.

    Today was library day at school so she came home with a book on Mastiff dogs of all things. According to the book I read tonight these dogs are practically untrainable which is good to know. We’re never getting a Mastiff.

    The Basement

    In the real basement where it’s full of dust and cobwebs is where I have moved my office and computer while we get dried out and put back together in my actual man cave/office. This small space was BW’s library of books at one point but one weekend when she was away I moved all her books and bookshelves down a level and commandeered the space for my man cave. I’m nice and thoughtful like that.

    Also, it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

    Today I found a free desk at the side of the road up the street. When I told BW she’s like “I don’t need any more crap in the house”.

    It’s not crap. It’s a free computer desk that I am using as I write this. This is upcycling – the hipsters would be proud of me. Besides, it was free. I was about to go to Home Depot and see if I could find a hunk of wood. This was cheaper. She should be happy about my find. I guess we see things differently.

    As far as the status goes on the home office dry out and repair I can report that our new sewer piping seems to be working as it should and we have had no more leaks. The remediation team picked up all their fans and we’re just waiting on the contractors to start now that things are dry down there.

    This is the floor color this time around:

    I’m calling the color “buffalo gray”

    Then I can start moving back into the office. I’m still hanging onto my free desk though – you never know when I might need it.

    Until next time,

    TH and Co.

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  3. Just Add Water

    Want to know what happens when your sewer backs up and the plumbers leave two huge piles of germ infested dirt that are about 4 feet high on your front lawn? The neighborhood kids come over and start to play in it. We are the coolest parents on the block right now.

    At first, I thought they would climb it a few times and get bored but boy was I wrong. They were on it like flies on poo. About five minutes later I get asked for soap so they can wash the…dirt? (or poo – but let’s go with dirt)

    Then a few minutes later I get asked for the hose. Sure, why not – because at this point they are so dirty it’s beyond all hope. I just hope everybody has had a tetanus shot.

    There is squealing with delight outside as the 3 little explorers “find” the 50 year pieces of old sewer pipe mixed in the dirt and proceed to wash it with the requested hose.

    Then we look out the window and they’re down the street dragging a bag of “clean” dirt so they can go to a friends place and continue washing it because their garden hose is better.

    Ya…. No. Get Back Here! There will be no moving of the dirt to the neighbors house. It’s our dirt and it stays here. The neighbors can get their own sewer dirt. Bring the dirt back!

    They come back and proceed to get muddier. I am not sure how it’s possible but it is. But the fun. You guys, the fun. There was lots of muddy sewage-ey fun on our front yard this evening.

    At this point we’re afraid to look out the window and see how things are going. BW texts the neighbors Momthat they might come home a little dirty.

    Might. ha! good one! They went home unrecognizable.

    They are coated in germy dirt and when my little charge came in she was told to “stay there” and “don’t move” as I ran to get her a towel and carry her to the shower to hose off my germ infested offspring.

    I swear to god that the dog has smelled better than what I was drying off in the front hall tonight. She stank. Bad.

    If this is the last post you read it’s because I caught some infectious disease from the sewage play and that’s it, I’m dead. Please don’t sell my electronics for what I told BW I paid for them.

    Until next time (I hope),

    TH and Co.

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  4. The Hill

    Sunday.

    Sunday is swimming day.

    Do you want to know how much I like to take her to swimming? Not very much. I would much rather drag her to a doctor’s office to get a needle than to take her swimming. It’s a small indoor pool with a lot of noisy kids that’s not designed to be a place to teach a bunch of noisy kids to swim. then you have to wrangle a wet wiggly kid out of wet clothes and into dry clothes which is a struggle because the floor is soaking wet so your dry clothes become wet clothes anyway so what’s the point?

    Let’s look at the numbers:

    Swimming is from 10am to 1030am

    At 9am I have to start getting her ready. “Okay, put down the tablet and let’s do this” I say. Crickets – I get ignored.

    I go upstairs and get her swimsuit and towel and goggles and remind her that this needs to happen. Ignored once again.

    We need to take a snack because it’s 12 minutes in the car and 12 minutes back so of course we can’t go without food and drink at the ready. Still no response.

    Then the empty threats and whining begin as I take away the tablet and try to get her into a swimsuit so when I get her there she can kick off her sandals and she’s ready. It was 80+ degrees today so this was more than doable.

    She wants to wear clothes over her swimsuit. I tell her we don’t need clothes as I have them in the bag ready for after swimming and it’s warm out so she will be fine in just the swimsuit she does not need clothes.

    She comes down with a soccer jersey and shorts over her swimsuit.

    Okay whatever. Let’s GO!

    Then we get outside and she finds the paw patrol ball in the driveway. This is suddenly the best ball ever and must be bounced and played with right here and right now instead of getting into the car so – you know – we can go swimming!

    Of course, now we’re running late. Not late, but not early either. We talk about whatever a 5 year old wants to talk about and then we’re there. We go into the hot steamy pool area where my glasses instantly fog up and I can’t see at all as I try to remove the unneeded soccer jersey and shorts from over the swimsuit and try to get sandals off a very distracted five year old who in no way is assisting with this task.

    10:00 am. She starts the lesson.

    10:30 am. She finishes the lesson. She still has no idea how to swim.

    We go into the change room and she’s wet and cold and tired. And distracted because there’s now other cold and tired and distracted kids to watch too so she’s not paying a bit of attention to me and all her attention is on the action int eh room.

    The parents meanwhile are singing a chorus of “don’t do that” “lift your arms” and “don’t put your underpants in the puddle” to a room full of distracted, wet and tired charges.

    Simply put, it’s chaotic.

    Then I hear the 4 dreaded words: “I have to pee”

    I mean really. Couldn’t you just pee in the pool like all the other kids? Of course the only bathroom available is occupied so we have to wait until all the other parents and kids have left and wait for the last parent to finish using the one and only bathroom as a private change room.

    She pees.

    On the way home she mentions she wants to go to the park. “We shall see”, I reply.

    We get back in the car and drive home where we’re greeted by the magical basketball again in the driveway so she’s off playing with that as it’s the best thing she’s ever seen while empty out all the wet backpack and snack shrapnel that’s remained the car.

    11:00am, I sit down in a chair.

    It’s taken 2 hours start to finish for about a 25 minute swim lesson.

    Later in the afternoon after lunch we did end up going to the park and BW was feeling well enough to tag along – which was nice. We went to the “good park” as opposed to our little park around the corner which consists of a slide and swing set.

    This bigger park has the foam floor and things to climb and slide down and noise makers to make “music” with and even a big swaying boat which I have to say is pretty cool for a public park.

    Also, it was empty there – which was nice. It was a gorgeous day out so I I don’t know where all the others were but we had the park entirely to ourselves.

    But the big attraction was the hill. I have no idea why there is a hill here because in the summer I don’t see any use for it and in the winter the city has signs posted about using at your own risk but of course that gets ignored because it’s one of the better places to go sledding here.

    Anyway, she is enamored by the hill.

    “let’s roll down the hill”. No thanks, I’m good.

    So we climb the hill. She forgets or does not realize that I get mistaken for her grandfather often and that my hill climbing days are far behind me. No matter the direction I am going on the hill – I will feel it. I am so over the hill.

    “Come on, Dad”.

    I climb up that hill.

    Then we look out at the “view” of the basketball court and the rooftop of the local library and are awestruck by the view of suburbia.

    Then she rolls down the hill.

    The hill has been conquered for another day. She looks like a Tide commercial with the grass stains but we have a washing machine – so whatever.

    A day at the park after a week we’ve had was a welcome respite from the trials and tribulations of our daily life.

    To celebrate we all went for ice cream at the local ice cream joint because with the week we’ve had we all deserved it.

    that shirt was white when we started the day

    Next Sunday BW can take her swimming. That can be her hill to climb.

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  5. The Flu Shot

    OMG you guys I am so so tired I can’t see straight but I am trying to write here every day and I have to tell you today has been a day of days.

    It started at 12am when I get a text from BW that she’s coming home from the hospital because after sitting and waiting they can’t find anything wrong with her.

    “Did you mention the part where you can’t breathe?” I asked. And yes she did, but the 12 year old doctor working the ER called it bronchitis ands sent her home.

    So.

    My day really started the next morning calling her doctor and basically saying: um…WTF? You told us to go to the hospital and then we go and then get sent home? You suck.

    While I was on the phone with the Dr’s I was also trying to scramble eggs when the guy from Stanley Steemer showed up to get a reading of how things are drying in my flooded basement. I opened the door, pointed him to downstairs and let him do his thing.

    I had a flood going on downstairs and yet I was fighting fires all morning too.

    While all this was going on I had to convince a 5 year old to put down the tablet and get some clothes on because today is the day we get your smaller braces:

    she picked them: farm animals with purple straps

    She’s come a long way. She still has to wear the bigger clunky ones at night but during the day she gets to wear these much lighter ones as well. If all goes well when she outgrows these that will be the end of the braces and there will be no more tippy toe walking. I’m very proud of how well she has done with these.

    Of course, new braces mean new shoes and she almost burst when she saw these: They meet all the requirements as they are pink and they have lights, so we were good.! Also they are Skechers so they are a bit better quality than whatever we find at Target.

    [[5b45621be2842b3b9c3573a611b8581e_MD5.webp|Open: eed68891c8cf8af378da252093eb7008_MD5.webp]]

    What’s not to love about shoes that light up?

    Seeing as how mom was home sick and dad was in charge, I did what any responsible parent would do and took her to McDonalds

    [[439b40fc635ffc440a91709535b16886_MD5.webp|Open: 5f15932f6524707f3a1e190632d3dd72_MD5.webp]]

    needs more ketchup.

    and…because I had her out in the world, I didn’t want to take her home only to attempt to try and get her back in the car for her flu shot so we just killed some time at Best Buy for a while until it was closer to the appointment.

    [[bb35ee463185c0397c7c26bb1a02c393_MD5.webp|Open: e0780dbf114c0c0248f3c7f5d634b583_MD5.webp]]

    Sponge Bob would look great on this.

    Then, the shot.

    She knew it was coming and she was good in the car on the way over, in the waiting room and even in the exam room.

    That was – until she saw the needle.

    Then it’s like a devil took over my child and she turned bright red and screamed andkicked like she was possessed. It took the nurse and I two different attempts to get her held down enough so she could get the poke in the arm that would be about 1 second in duration. You should have heard the screaming and the crying – and that was just from me.

    And then, it was over.

    It always amazes me how kids can go from full on tantrum to “oh look, a squirrel” in.2 seconds.

    We had a talk about how maybe kicking and screaming wasn’t the best behavior and the needle isn’t that bad and it’s going to happen again and we all have to do things we don’t want to do sometimes.

    Anyway. Screaming. Lots and lots of screaming.

    After that we’re done – right? Go home?

    Well..yes and no.

    Earlier in the week when things were not a complete dumpster fire BW made an appointment for her to get her haircut in an hour. But first, I had to go to the pharmacy and get her new meds that were prescribed earlier because we want to have her breathing for some time still.

    A quick trip to the pharmacy and then back to pick up my tired child to take her for a haircut. Today’s lesson folks: don’t take a tired kid anywhere. Let alone to get their haircut on a Friday afternoon at 4pm. She was one itchy wiggling belligerent mess by this point. Some hairs were cut. Good enough. Let’s go home.

    We get home and because the cook is barely breathing it’s become my job to find dinner. I do what any man would do in a situation like this: I went out and came home with a frozen pizza and ice cream.

    After dinner I managed to get a load of laundry done and the child de-stickified from the day in the tub. A quick snack, tooth brush and a story read to her and that was it. I was officially off duty.

    As I write this she’s upstairs listening to kid podcasts and I am writing this with the very last bit of energy I have before I crawl into bed and rock myself to sleep.

    until tomorrow…

    👍

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