1. Win or Lose

   July 6, 2026

   

   We bought a checkers game the other day and played it for the first time with the child and it all went well…until it didn’t.

   

   that’s self applied makeup on her face.

   It took us a while because I think the last time any of the adults played we were probably about her age and as my age was posted online yesterday - it’s been a few years.

   The first game did not go well for anybody as we did not realize that we could only move one one direction so the first game was really fast because nobody knew what they were doing.

   BW played a game or two and then I stepped in to take up the challenge. She’s still getting her mind wrapped around the concept of the game and that the move you make right now might affect you later.

   So. I won. 3 times.

   This did not go over well. My last move was a double jump so she went from having 2 pieces on the board to zero.

   I waited because I knew the tears were coming.

   You could see her little brain processing what the heck just happened and then I watched her face get redder and redder and her smile turning upside down and then it was a full on bawl of tears and sadness.

   “I want a huggie!”, she screamed.

   You can have all the huggies you want, but it’s a just a game and then I told her that it’s okay to lose a game and that one day

   “Yeah, piped in BW “I beat daddy all the time at Scrabble”

   Thanks a lot, BW. Thanks for rubbing it in.

   Now I want a huggie.

   She’s learning that winning is fun, but losing can be too because we all know:

   It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, and we are trying to teach her that it’s a game and all that matters is how much fun we playing. The scorekeeping is secondary.

   When she calmed down and got her composure back she had an idea:

   “Let’s Play Monopoly!!” she said.

   No. That’s enough games and tears for one day.

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2. Those Leprechauns

   July 5, 2026

   It’s Day 6 of 17 of leprechaun month here and I am still creating a new “thing” that they do every night, but never ever seem to get caught. This trap we made is kind of useless so far if you ask me.

   It’s really hard to come up with some trouble that the leprechauns do every night.

   Tonight, I am going with 3 glasses of water and some snacks for the party they had.

   

   Green water. Of course.

   This is actually trickier than I thought because: dog.

   Due to logistics, the little green buggers do their business on the floor next to the trap we made. The problem is that if it’s on the floor then it’s fair game for the dog. Tonight, I wised up and pre-made the thing they are going to do but some nights I have been winging it with just one eye open.

   A few nights ago they got really loud and I had to tell them to keep it down:

   

   In the air tonight

   They set up an entire drum kit and even a trumpet! It was like having Phil Collins in the house with all the noise. Su-Su-Sudio!

   Then one night there was bowling – with oranges! Leprechauns are small and so regular bowling balls are too big but little baby oranges are just the right size. Did you know they use paper towel rolls for pins? me either.

   And another night they got her balance beam out and lined up all our shoes on it, and then they left the mess right in our living room!

   

   Yes, this is a pain in the ass

   Yes, I started it.

   Yes, she thinks it’s the best thing ever

   Yes, I will continue.

   Yes, I will be glad when it’s St. Patrick’s Day.

   10 days to go!

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3. The Prankster

   July 4, 2026

   

   It started when she was gifted a hand-me down book on pranks from her cousin.

   

   boogers are funny

   You can buy your own here

   And now, she’s obsessed with pranks.

   And I am not obsessed with pranks.

   No, I really do not want to help you make a fart machine or fake vomit. I’m good really thank you for asking.

   She thinks this book is the most amazing thing ever though. The prank thing started a few weeks back but we have hit peak prank here today. She found this book in her bookcase and TBH, we totally forgot about it - but boy oh boy - she did not.

   Reading this book is the first thing she wants to do in the morning, and the first thing she wants to do when she comes home from school. We tell her that she’s big and can read it herself, but she won’t because the print is small and life is hard. She told us tonight she would have to have bigger eyes to be able to read type too small.

   I reality, she just wants me to cave and read it to her and I think I might like to do anything else than read a book on how to make really bad pranks

   So yeah. Pranks are a thing here.

   Tonight when I went into her bedroom the room reeked of perfume.

   Last year she was gifted some perfume. In fact I already wrote about how it was a bad parenting choice here so I won’t repeat myself.

   After almost getting knocked out by the stink, I asked her if she sprayed perfume on her pillows again?

   She lied, and said no.

   We had a lot of fun and I tickled her until she finally caved and admitted to the caper of the stinky bedroom.

   She lied and lied and lied like she was a natural and she did this all the time. This is worrisome. I’m pretty sure I will not be able to tickle the truth out of her when she’s older.

   As one does when you get caught with your finger on the trigger of the perfume spray you get dragged to jail (bed) and you get your photo taken:

   

   Wanted: The Perfume Bandit. AKA The Stinky Pumpkin.

   Her sentence: She was handed her favorite stuffed toy and told to stay in bed until the morning.

   She got off easy this time.

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4. Best Dad Ever

   July 3, 2026

   She had a good day today. After yesterday where we were late for the bus today she was on her A game and I was home to help because BW had an early morning meeting so I was the man when it came to getting her off to the bus on time.

   Breakfast was some oatmeal for her and she didn’t seem interested and only ate a bit – which is OK because she can get a free breakfast at school if need be.

   She was supposed to give the note of apology to her bus driver but we did not because he wasn’t driving. Even Mr. Dave needs a day off from six-year-olds.

   She was very surprised to see it raining this morning. Her mind was blown: it was winter! How could it be raining, it should be snowing!

   I taught her the April Showers Bring May Flowers rhyme and this was a hit that was sung a couple of times during dinner tonight so it’s made an impression

   Kid off to school, and then had to get ready to go to get my monthly eye needle. So yea, fun morning.

   BW drove me to the appointment this morning and good thing because due to the warm weather and rain it was foggy. It’s bad enough driving home after getting a needle in your eye, and even worse if it’s foggy.

   While I was getting the needle, BW grabbed lunch and we had a quick lunch at home before I zonked out on the couch for 3 hours because: ow. eyeball.

   She bounces off the bus and the first thing she asks me as she is walking up the drive:

   Hey Dad – Do you think the Groundhog will see it’s shadow?

   We both agreed that it was best if the groundhog did not see it’s shadow and then it would be an early spring and then wait for it: The singing – April Showers…

   She didn’t want to come in but wanted to go across the street to Ethel’s house and then they would both come back and watch on the tablet which is fine because it’s not a school nite.

   Turns out, the 6-year-olds had all this planned on the bus, but Ethel’s parents had other ideas and no Ethel to play with today.

   By this time she is soaked, so I get her dried off and she trots right upstairs and puts on her warm PJ’s (this is how you can tell she’s related to her mother) and then grabs an apple off the table and plugs in and tunes out.

   Pizza For Dinner. BW has got the homemade pizza down to a science. It’s been requested that we have green pizza (pesto) instead so duly noted.

   As soon as dinner is over she wants to go to bed. Hang on, I tell her – I am almost done here tidying up and then we can go upstairs and get you to bed.

   We play for a bit as a family and then I get her to calm down and go to bed. She comes out five minutes later and doesn’t want the day to end but she is so, so tired. She got up before 7 am and then had physical therapy and physical education today and I am pretty sure the 30 minute bus ride just finished her off . Add some warm pizza in that tummy and she is done. done. done.

   I go downstairs, and finish tidying up and picking rubber bracelets, stickers and god knows what else off the floor and I see a piece of paper. It looks to be remnants of some stickers. Now all that remains is a flower sticker. She won’t miss one sticker so I go and am ready to go throw it out and by chance on the other side I see this:

   

   Best DAD evr

   Actually, It’s Luckiest Dad Ever.

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5. Don’t Lick the Wal-Mart Shopping Cart

   July 2, 2026

   This weekend while we were inside snowbound we moved some furniture around and moved a desk up to the child’s room so she would have her own space to color and play etc.

   The problem was we didn’t have a chair for her. We looked online but didn’t want to spend $100 and up on an office chair because this isn’t needed. Then she told us she wanted us to buy 2 chairs so she and her friend Ethel could play and color together.

   Okay then. Cheap folding chairs it is.

   I was going to just buy them on Amazon like we do everything else but for some reason the delivery time for the chairs would have been weeks out.

   It was decided. We will go and get them at Wal-Mart. We needed chairs today. Also, we needed to get out of the house. If hear one more minute of you tube kids I might go crazy.

   It took an hour and a half for the child to decide whether she wanted to come and she played me like a fiddle deciding that fact. It was super cold and windy so I was just fine going by myself and picking up the chairs and then getting out of dodge.

   Finally we managed to pee, get a coat on and boots and I got her into the back seat.

   We were on our way to Wal-Mart! In the beautiful city of Niagara Falls!

   I don’t know about you guys, but Wal-Mart is…..interesting. I remember it being cleaner somehow but maybe it’s just the rose colored memory I have and the awe of seeing both tires for your car and potato chips in the same store.

   Now I avoid this store as much as possible. The music is too loud and there’s way to much crap to see. We have too much choice in this country and Walmart is a prime example of this. The checkout had I swear 17 different types of beef jerky on display. Including Teriyaki.

   Anyway, Chairs. We found them and the few things we needed and we were at the checkout admiring the beef jerky selection when I look over and the child has her tongue fully out and has it twisted completely around one of the wires on the shopping cart.

   “Don’t Lick the Shopping Cart!”, I yelled “What is wrong with you?”

   She tucked her tongue back in like a frog catching a fly, and learned one more boundary of life today: Don’t lick the shopping cart!

   Lick ice cream, not carts.

   The funny thing is I have witnessed this exact same scenario before but it wasn’t my kid. It was a stranger’s kid. This was a few years back and pre-child for us so perhaps it was the universe getting me ready for today.

   The same thing happened that day to another parent. There was the lick and then the same statement:

   “Don’t Lick the Shopping Cart!”. “What is wrong with you?”

   I wonder what goes though a mind of a child where they think that licking a shopping cart is a good idea? I guess I will never know and probably my grandchildren will lick the cart as well.

   I guess it’s just the circle of life.

   Please remember to return the cart when you’re done.

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