Tidy Husband

Eligible for the seniors discount and the Happy Meal deal at the same time.

  1. D is for Decorum

    If the dog has better table manners - you’re doing it wrong.

    There’s lots of ways to wake up in the middle of the night thinking you’ve failed as a parent and at just six-years-old there’s more and more sleepless nights ahead for me fore certain, but I have to tell you my greatest fear is taking her out to eat.

    Photo by Jay Wennington on Unsplash

    I’ve already written about the reluctance to use a fork so I won’t repeat myself, but tonight we were eating burgers - which ironically, is one of the foods that it’s okay to eat with your hands.

    The trouble with tonight was the distractions. She’s up out of her chair a million times and I have to remind her that we are eating and when we eat, we do a few things and the most important is to keep seated. Also, close your mouth when you chew.

    I told her she can’t be running around like a monkey in the wild at the kitchen table and that just ticked her funny bone to no end.

    This led to a discussion on Decorum. I don’t have the wikipedia page in front of me, but I’m pretty sure that don’t act like a monkey at the table is one of them. Then the conversation turned to what if she and her friend all at at the table like monkeys?

    I told her it sounded just like a day in the cafeteria and she loved that. She then got carried away and before you know it in her pretty little head was a complete storyline about how they all ate like monkeys and had a food fight.

    Then, she described how adults eat and she pretended to hold her cup as a tea cup and with her pinky out and in the worst English accent you ever heard said:

    “And this is how the grownups eat” as she held the pretend cup to her lips with her pinky held high.

    It’s these moments that maybe, just maybe she will get the fact that dining with - or like a monkey is unacceptable.

    Heck, even the Sea Monkeys have better table manners.

    We’re working on it, this table stuff. It takes a lot and some days if I say the word “ fork!!” I’m going to explode but that wouldn’t be very polite of me - especially at the dinner table.

    But there’s hope. There’s more questions about decorum and less about monkeys so maybe, just maybe we can go out to dinner in public some day.

    In the meantime, we’re staying in and hosting tea parties instead, with the tiny cups

    It’s like decorum boot camp for six-year-olds - and we don’t have to leave the house until we get it right.

    We’re trying here,

    TH and Co.

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  2. The Christmas Tree is Up

    That’s the miracle this holiday season.

    BW is still out with the Flu.

    That means it was up to the child and I to set the Christmas Tree up this year and do ~~all~~ most of the decorating. 1

    First, we had lunch. Because we know how to procrastinate here.

    Then we got to business and she got dressed. 2 She had to wear only greed and red to decorate the tree, but it was laundry day here so we settled on mint sweatpants and a hot pink t-shirt for that festive feeling.

    We fired up the Christmas tunes and got to it. We have very few traditions here when it comes to the tree, but I do try and get the annual photo of her and the lights.

    Christmas lights have come a long way. I remember the hours it seemed my Dad would fiddle with the lights and bulbs because they were wired that if just one bulb was out, then they all wouldn’t work.

    We’ve come a long way in Christmas tree lighting.

    Once the tree was up, and somewhat stable we cracked open the decorations and I can’t tell you how many times she gasped with excitement over the ornaments she kept pulling out - but it was more than 3, that’s for sure.

    In the box were all the ornaments made in daycare and kindergarten and so on. I don’t think we have any really really, special ornaments but I could be wrong because BW is the boss when it comes to this stuff and I just vacuum.

    BW did manage to prop herself up in a chair for 20 minutes and watch the fun unfold but then it was straight back to bed. It’s almost been a week in bed for her, so I hope the flu releases it’s grip soon.

    This would not win any Christmas tree decorating contests because try as I may, all the decorations are at about 3 foot high and facing the living room because that’s where she can reach. All the snowflakes and icicles had to be on the bottom so it “looks right” so that’s the reason that it looks like it got decorated by a 6-year-old. Because it did.

    Thankfully the rest of the decorations are few and we don’t lace the place with mistletoe and garland. We have and advent calendar and a few decorations and that’s it.

    BW does have some “don’t touch those” vintage glass ornaments to hang yet so maybe that will balance the current status of our unbalanced tree decorations.

    Hey, I said I would get the tree up. Nobody said anything about it looking great when I was finished.

    I calling it a win because the dog hasn’t eaten anything off it (yet) and it hasn’t fallen over (also, yet).

    OMG those dirty feet. I hope it was because she was in the basement.

    every ornament was carefully hung. isn’t she a beauty?

    Santa, we’re ready for you!

    18 more sleeps!

    TH and Co.

    1. there’s still a few things to hang but they are waiting on BW: ↩

    2. we celebrate the small victories here. ↩

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  3. T is for Tamiflu

    Get your flu shot before it’s too late.

    BW is sick with the flu, and that leaves me to run the ship here for the most part:

    Photo by Timur M on Unsplash

    It’s not going well here.

    She made the mistake of announcing “I’m feeling better” and now she is not feeling better and is in bed again. She spoke too soon.

    Folks, this is serious:

    I had to make dinner all this week. It’s been such a blur I don’t know how or what I made earlier this week, but tonight I made pizza and I’m pretty proud of myself and the dog and the child are still here and healthy and the house didn’t burn down.

    I did suffer through 2 screaming fits this week so BW can’t complain about misting all the fun. We’ve had lots of fun. More than enough fun. 5 days of fun.

    BW, on the other hand…I’m worried. But there’s not much we can do. She has no major symptoms that would require us to go to the emergency room, she just feels like crap overall. I am surprised that she is still not well yet, but the flu medicine is still being served to her for another 2 days, so I guess we wait and see what Monday brings

    And this is with a flu shot. I can’t imagine how sick she would be without a shot.

    The current status is: I have a weekend with a child that wants to decorate a tree so I guess that’s what we’re doing and I hope to see my wife healthy again soon.

    Despite the fact that BW has been out of commission I have managed to keep the child fed and washed and up to date on her homework, the dog bathed and I had the car serviced yesterday and the house relatively in good shape for a friday night where I can’t run the dishwasher until after 8pm due to the winter electricity pricing.

    And somehow, I have managed to write every day this week.

    It’s a blooming miracle.

    Now we need a miracle to get BW up and at ‘em again because the fridge is starting to empty out and the dog is looking nervous

    Get that flu shot. You don’t want what BW has.

    Trust me on this one,

    TH and Co.

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  4. Dear Santa

    You’ve got less than 3 weeks

    Today in addition to turning our living room into a store to drop off toys for Toys for Tots, and also a place to buy some really over-priced candy canes 1 she found time to write a letter to Santa:

    For those that can’t read six-year-old handwriting the note reads: 2

    Dear Santa,

    I know that Santa is not about a gift that you get.

    It’s about the cheer and joy,

    Love, the Child.

    Don’t let the sweetness fool ya Santa. She’s been better but there’s been moments of misbehavior, or, as the child says: “I don’t want to talk about that”.

    Oh! She would like a pink remote control car this year, so if you could hook her up that would be great.

    As one can imagine, now that we have that pesky thanksgiving out of the way, now we can concentrate on Christmas. We were supposed to host a party with some of her friends and they were all going to decorate our house and put up the tree and drink hot chocolate and probably eat a donut too.

    But, the organizer (BW) has been sick with the flu, so the party has been pushed back a week. As you can imagine, this did not go over well with the child tonight at the dinner table when she realized the latest update.

    So. After some discussion we have figured that despite the flu, we can prop Mommy up on the couch 3 and she can direct the decorating to the child and I.

    Mommy is in charge of logistics and the child and I will be in charge of assembly and decorating. This seems to have settled the child and this idea has passed the test.

    I told the child next week she can have her friends over and they can watch Christmas movies and have hot chocolate.

    But this weekend? It’s the child and I on decorating duty.

    It’s about the cheer and joy, after all. Also: donuts.

    Keep counting down the days,

    TH and Co.

    1. she had them priced at 1, 5, 8 and 10 dollars each. ↩

    2. I have taken the liberty to fix the mistakes. ↩

    3. Just like “Weekend at Bernie’s” ↩

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  5. Just a Minute

    How about no, and we do it now instead?

    We have a new problem.

    Photo by Andrei Anufrienko on Unsplash

    Today we had an hour for her to have some breakfast of some kind, and put some clothes on and brush teeth. Then put a coat and boots on and kiss Dear old Dad goodbye and get on that school bus.

    This should be loads of time.

    I can tell you where that hour went. I did not go doing anything of the above needed that had to happen. Instead, she did….well, pretty much anything else.

    These are some of the excuses I heard this morning:

    This morning she had to give mommy all her stuffed animals

    “Just a minute”, she tells me.

    This morning she had to make a breakfast in bed menu for mommy.

    “Just a minute”, she tells me.

    This morning she had to look at herself in the mirror

    “Just a minute”, she tells me.

    This morning she had to go look outside at the weather

    “Just a minute”, she tells me.

    The problem is that all these minutes add up and then we’re watching a timer count down in the living room and we only have 4 minutes left to catch the bus.

    This morning was too much of a close call for my liking.

    Today, the pants I picked out were wrong, and so was the shirt. She ended up going to school in a tan t-shirt and pants with shamrocks all over that were two sizes too small. 1, but at least she made it out the door.

    It’s always a distraction, or some other thing that she wants to do vs what needs to happen. At bedtime it’s the reverse, but just a minute - she needs one more minute to finish drawing, singing, reading or something that does not involve going to bed.

    Later in the day, we’re at the Ninja school for her first class, and when it ends she wants to play longer. I tell her no because the next group is coming in the doorfor their hour of fun being ninja’s and it’s our turn to go home and have dinner and go to bed.

    “Just a minute?”, she asks me.

    Umm….how about NO!?

    Keeping our eye on the clock,

    TH and Co.

    1. I can report that the laundry is now caught up. She should have a better selection tomorrow. ↩

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